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Welcome to the AFABC Interior Region Blog. Check back here often for resources, events, and discussions on contemporary adoption issues.
Friday, May 29, 2009
The Kaleden Run..
Well I took some time off this morning to go watch my two daughters in their elementary school cross country run in Kaleden, which is a tiny community just south of Penticton. My older daughter in grade 5 has always enjoyed running and is always challenging herself to run faster and farther. She did quite well, as expected and came in 6th of all the grade 5 girls in the district.
For my second daughter who is in grade four, this was her first cross country run. She has really really long legs, and I always thought that if she ever felt even the slightest bit competitive, she could certainly out pace most of the other grade 4 girls. I was more than a little concerned today. She tends to shut down when she gets overwhelmed and I was worried that might happen in all the hustle and bustle of the races. Apparently I don't know her at all, because she ran really well and came in 7th in her heat. Who is this child? Where did that confidence come from? I've rarely seen that side of her. After I congratulated her and she got her breath back, I stood aside to watch her with her friends.
She was "normal" with them, not the goof ball inappropriate kid she is around her brother and sister. So she DOES get it. I felt as if I was watching some one else's kid. She CAN keep it together around her friends.
So am I'm over reacting to her behavior at home? If she can do this at school, should I be expecting a much higher level of behavior at home? Or is it all she can do to keep it together at school so when she gets home she relaxes and saves it all for us?
For my second daughter who is in grade four, this was her first cross country run. She has really really long legs, and I always thought that if she ever felt even the slightest bit competitive, she could certainly out pace most of the other grade 4 girls. I was more than a little concerned today. She tends to shut down when she gets overwhelmed and I was worried that might happen in all the hustle and bustle of the races. Apparently I don't know her at all, because she ran really well and came in 7th in her heat. Who is this child? Where did that confidence come from? I've rarely seen that side of her. After I congratulated her and she got her breath back, I stood aside to watch her with her friends.
She was "normal" with them, not the goof ball inappropriate kid she is around her brother and sister. So she DOES get it. I felt as if I was watching some one else's kid. She CAN keep it together around her friends.
So am I'm over reacting to her behavior at home? If she can do this at school, should I be expecting a much higher level of behavior at home? Or is it all she can do to keep it together at school so when she gets home she relaxes and saves it all for us?
Thursday, May 28, 2009
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
I wish the real world would just stop hasseling me..
Yesterday was one of those days. It started fine - I was getting lots accomplished with work, I took a break and went for a run, came back, things were going along fine.
Then it was time to meet my husband to attend the memorial service for the wife of a collegue of his. I had met this woman a few times and she was very nice and friendly, but I didn't know her well at all. So I didn't really think the service would affect me too much and I only grabbed a few tissues as I left the car. I should have brought the whole box! What is wrong with me? I barely knew this woman but I was a mess. It was a total waste of makeup.
I had to leave before the end of the service to get home in time to meet the kids after school and I was exhausted and overwhelmed. All I wanted to do was climb into bed and sleep for 12 hours. But of course, that's not an option. Then I absolutely lost it with one of my kids for something that I normally would have handled just fine. I wouldn't shut up, I just kept blabbing and blabbing. Finally I did shut up and walk away.
Realizing what a freak I was being, I changed into my most comfortable, sloppy clothes and went to sit outside and read my MORE magazine. Top 40 Beauty Tips, such as "a magnifying mirror is a must-have". Too scary. "Always adhere to the shelf life noted on your makeup products." I still have eyeshadow from at least 5 years ago. It's not as if I have all these fancy red carpet events to attend that require full make-up.
As I'm finishing the article, my oldest comes outside and asks me to help her with an old dresser we had planned to refinish. So for the next 45 min. or so I helped her with the paint stripping and it's just the two of us while the other two watched tv and had their snacks. It was the best therapy ever. Spending time, one on one, with my most typically developing child and having normal conversations about her friends and school and sports was just what I needed. It reminded me how important it is for me to have that "normal" relationship and feel that connection to her, just as it is for my kids who are more challenged (and challenging!). I needed to be just an ordinary mom, with an ordinary kid, who isn't perfect. But for 45 minutes I didn't have to be someone else's brain for them. I didn't have to think about all the crazy inappropriate stuff that she might do with the paint stripper if I left the workshop to get something from the house. I could give her more than one instruction at a time and she could follow it.
Sometimes we forget how much we need that reciprocity from our kids. Maybe it's not that we forget it, but it gets pushed aside in our constant attempts to keep our kids who struggle, on track. We need that "normal" relationship with our kids too. And for our kids who are developing typically, they can get lost in our constant vigilence of the ones who struggle. And it's ok to need that.
Then it was time to meet my husband to attend the memorial service for the wife of a collegue of his. I had met this woman a few times and she was very nice and friendly, but I didn't know her well at all. So I didn't really think the service would affect me too much and I only grabbed a few tissues as I left the car. I should have brought the whole box! What is wrong with me? I barely knew this woman but I was a mess. It was a total waste of makeup.
I had to leave before the end of the service to get home in time to meet the kids after school and I was exhausted and overwhelmed. All I wanted to do was climb into bed and sleep for 12 hours. But of course, that's not an option. Then I absolutely lost it with one of my kids for something that I normally would have handled just fine. I wouldn't shut up, I just kept blabbing and blabbing. Finally I did shut up and walk away.
Realizing what a freak I was being, I changed into my most comfortable, sloppy clothes and went to sit outside and read my MORE magazine. Top 40 Beauty Tips, such as "a magnifying mirror is a must-have". Too scary. "Always adhere to the shelf life noted on your makeup products." I still have eyeshadow from at least 5 years ago. It's not as if I have all these fancy red carpet events to attend that require full make-up.
As I'm finishing the article, my oldest comes outside and asks me to help her with an old dresser we had planned to refinish. So for the next 45 min. or so I helped her with the paint stripping and it's just the two of us while the other two watched tv and had their snacks. It was the best therapy ever. Spending time, one on one, with my most typically developing child and having normal conversations about her friends and school and sports was just what I needed. It reminded me how important it is for me to have that "normal" relationship and feel that connection to her, just as it is for my kids who are more challenged (and challenging!). I needed to be just an ordinary mom, with an ordinary kid, who isn't perfect. But for 45 minutes I didn't have to be someone else's brain for them. I didn't have to think about all the crazy inappropriate stuff that she might do with the paint stripper if I left the workshop to get something from the house. I could give her more than one instruction at a time and she could follow it.
Sometimes we forget how much we need that reciprocity from our kids. Maybe it's not that we forget it, but it gets pushed aside in our constant attempts to keep our kids who struggle, on track. We need that "normal" relationship with our kids too. And for our kids who are developing typically, they can get lost in our constant vigilence of the ones who struggle. And it's ok to need that.
Monday, May 25, 2009
This week's events...
Kelowna
ADOPTION BOOT CAMP
When: Wed. May 27,
Time: 6:30 PM – 8:30 PM
Where: 4091 Lakeshore Rd. Lutheran Church Library – use main entrance
Contact: Laura (250) 768-4348
Email: brentandlaura@firehall.com
Revelstoke
ADOPTION SUPPORT GROUP
When: Sat. May 30th
Time: 6:00 PM – 8:00 PM
Where: 343 B Sanderson Drive,
(kids are welcome)
Contact: Vanessa
Email: vmorrow@telus.net
Penticton
PLAYGROUP
When: Sun. May 31st
Time: 1:00 PM – 3:00 PM
Where: Skaha Lake Park
Contact: Candy Benedetti
Email: raycandy@shaw.ca
Grand Forks
PLAY IN THE PARK
When: Sunday May 31st,
Time: 1:00 PM – 3:00 PM
Where: Grand Forks City Park
Please RSVP
Contact: Niki Hingley (250) 442-5671
Email: nickerboker70@gmail.com
ADOPTION BOOT CAMP
When: Wed. May 27,
Time: 6:30 PM – 8:30 PM
Where: 4091 Lakeshore Rd. Lutheran Church Library – use main entrance
Contact: Laura (250) 768-4348
Email: brentandlaura@firehall.com
Revelstoke
ADOPTION SUPPORT GROUP
When: Sat. May 30th
Time: 6:00 PM – 8:00 PM
Where: 343 B Sanderson Drive,
(kids are welcome)
Contact: Vanessa
Email: vmorrow@telus.net
Penticton
PLAYGROUP
When: Sun. May 31st
Time: 1:00 PM – 3:00 PM
Where: Skaha Lake Park
Contact: Candy Benedetti
Email: raycandy@shaw.ca
Grand Forks
PLAY IN THE PARK
When: Sunday May 31st,
Time: 1:00 PM – 3:00 PM
Where: Grand Forks City Park
Please RSVP
Contact: Niki Hingley (250) 442-5671
Email: nickerboker70@gmail.com
The weekend!
Was it sunny where you were all weekend? It sure was here! Finally a whole weekend of sunshine! I managed to completely ignore my computer all weekend and successfully avoided the urge to just go check my email. I am one of those compulsive email-checkers. But finally I had enough distractions outside.
The weekend was yet another in the series of "life without a stove". I am so bored with bbqing. If you missed the previous posts on the "stove saga", let's play catch up shall we? Almost 2 weeks ago my stove died and through a long, complicated and frankly boring cycle of phone calls and estimates from various applicance repair and sales companies both local and from some call centre somewhere in the world, my husband has decided that he will order a re-conditioned part from Sears that should be here sometime this century. Then he, my repair challenged husband, will fix it himself. Because as he said "how hard can it be to slide one electronic computer thingy out, and put the sorta-new one in.?" Exactly. ?????
I had the best intentions of going for a run while my youngest played soccer on Saturday morning, but then I ran into another mom I hadn't seen for awhile, and we proceeded to spend the majority of soccer discussing FASD, our children's challenges, etc. etc. and surprise surprise I ran out of time. Then it was on to my oldest daughter's soccer game in Penticton. My middle daughter struggles so much with her social skills and it's always so obvious at something like one of the other kids' games. She knows most of the other tag-along sibs that are there, but she really doesn't have the confidence or ability to initiate anything with them. My son has no problem hanging out with the other dorky 9 year old boys, but my daughter just doesn't have those skills. So she ends up sitting by my lawn chair with the other moms. Even if other girls her age ask her to come play with them she won't. But I guess she doesn't really mind; she's happy enough to sit by me and play in the grass. It's me who keeps hoping she'll make some friends, or make the effort to play with the other girls she knows. I gotta keep reminding myself that she's happy the way it is.
That reminds me of a conversation I had with another mom of kids with special needs. Lots of FASD, ADHD, etc. in her family too. We were talking about how frustrating it is when our child with FASD messes up (again), doesn't remember the consequences from last time (again), can tell us all the right answers (again), yet still repeats the same behavior (again). But the frustration just seems to be on our part, because our kids don't seem able to process our social cues that we're frustrated, and once us parents have finished with the blah blah blah blah blahs, the kids are la-dee-da-dee-da on to the next thing while we're emotional dishrags. I was raised that when I got caught doing something wrong, I was supposed to be remorseful for an undertermined length of time. I'm not really sure how long that was supposed to be, but as long as I behaved as if the punishment was torture and if I seemed to regret whatever it was that I had done wrong, then all was right with the world.
But for our kids with FASD, remorse or regret rarely, if ever, enters into it for them. And what the heck is up with enjoying the consequences of their behavior. How is picking up pinecones for an hour because you broke off $200.00 worth of sprinkler heads in the neighboring orchard fun? What's with the singing while you're doing this? You're supposed to hate doing this so you won't repeat the behavior. Sheesh, hasn't this kid read the same parenting books I have? It's taken me a long time to finally accept that these kids don't show remorse for a variety of reasons, not the least of which could be that they don't even remember doing what ever it was they did. Or perhaps it's that they have my attention and that's all that matters. Logic in their brain is not the same as in my brain. Will this stop them from repeating this again? Probably not, but hey, there has to be some consequence for the behavior right? Right?
I keep trying to remind the lesser-challenged child that he doesn't have to go along with what she does, and just because she's older, it doesn't mean what she does is right. I know what he's thinking.."Yeah but, she always comes up with the fun ideas that involve destroying things with sticks." Hard to argue with that logic.
We recently had a session with a behaviorist regarding all three of my little darlings. He had a few good points that were good to hear again. Little tidbits such as "shut up". In other words, fewer words are better. I know that already, but in my ongoing attempt to help her take control of her challenges, and understand them better, I get her to repeat back to me what I've said, ask her what she could have done differently, give her the words to use, yada yada yada. According to the behaviorist, it's an exercise in futility because it's been seven years and she's still not altering her behavior. Instead, tell her how it is using short sentences, small words, and there's no point in having her repeat it back cause it obviously isn't helping. So basically, save myself the frustration and forget the explanations. It is what it is.
I get what he's saying and I will do it cause it does make sense. It's tough though when two out of the three kids can learn from experiences, while one can't. It's hard to help the two that can understand that the one who can't, actually can't. From a kid's perspective it's gotta be even harder than it is for me. I can see the big picture, the kids can't. Guess I should bring out the Brothers and Sisters in Adoption book again eh?
The weekend was yet another in the series of "life without a stove". I am so bored with bbqing. If you missed the previous posts on the "stove saga", let's play catch up shall we? Almost 2 weeks ago my stove died and through a long, complicated and frankly boring cycle of phone calls and estimates from various applicance repair and sales companies both local and from some call centre somewhere in the world, my husband has decided that he will order a re-conditioned part from Sears that should be here sometime this century. Then he, my repair challenged husband, will fix it himself. Because as he said "how hard can it be to slide one electronic computer thingy out, and put the sorta-new one in.?" Exactly. ?????
I had the best intentions of going for a run while my youngest played soccer on Saturday morning, but then I ran into another mom I hadn't seen for awhile, and we proceeded to spend the majority of soccer discussing FASD, our children's challenges, etc. etc. and surprise surprise I ran out of time. Then it was on to my oldest daughter's soccer game in Penticton. My middle daughter struggles so much with her social skills and it's always so obvious at something like one of the other kids' games. She knows most of the other tag-along sibs that are there, but she really doesn't have the confidence or ability to initiate anything with them. My son has no problem hanging out with the other dorky 9 year old boys, but my daughter just doesn't have those skills. So she ends up sitting by my lawn chair with the other moms. Even if other girls her age ask her to come play with them she won't. But I guess she doesn't really mind; she's happy enough to sit by me and play in the grass. It's me who keeps hoping she'll make some friends, or make the effort to play with the other girls she knows. I gotta keep reminding myself that she's happy the way it is.
That reminds me of a conversation I had with another mom of kids with special needs. Lots of FASD, ADHD, etc. in her family too. We were talking about how frustrating it is when our child with FASD messes up (again), doesn't remember the consequences from last time (again), can tell us all the right answers (again), yet still repeats the same behavior (again). But the frustration just seems to be on our part, because our kids don't seem able to process our social cues that we're frustrated, and once us parents have finished with the blah blah blah blah blahs, the kids are la-dee-da-dee-da on to the next thing while we're emotional dishrags. I was raised that when I got caught doing something wrong, I was supposed to be remorseful for an undertermined length of time. I'm not really sure how long that was supposed to be, but as long as I behaved as if the punishment was torture and if I seemed to regret whatever it was that I had done wrong, then all was right with the world.
But for our kids with FASD, remorse or regret rarely, if ever, enters into it for them. And what the heck is up with enjoying the consequences of their behavior. How is picking up pinecones for an hour because you broke off $200.00 worth of sprinkler heads in the neighboring orchard fun? What's with the singing while you're doing this? You're supposed to hate doing this so you won't repeat the behavior. Sheesh, hasn't this kid read the same parenting books I have? It's taken me a long time to finally accept that these kids don't show remorse for a variety of reasons, not the least of which could be that they don't even remember doing what ever it was they did. Or perhaps it's that they have my attention and that's all that matters. Logic in their brain is not the same as in my brain. Will this stop them from repeating this again? Probably not, but hey, there has to be some consequence for the behavior right? Right?
I keep trying to remind the lesser-challenged child that he doesn't have to go along with what she does, and just because she's older, it doesn't mean what she does is right. I know what he's thinking.."Yeah but, she always comes up with the fun ideas that involve destroying things with sticks." Hard to argue with that logic.
We recently had a session with a behaviorist regarding all three of my little darlings. He had a few good points that were good to hear again. Little tidbits such as "shut up". In other words, fewer words are better. I know that already, but in my ongoing attempt to help her take control of her challenges, and understand them better, I get her to repeat back to me what I've said, ask her what she could have done differently, give her the words to use, yada yada yada. According to the behaviorist, it's an exercise in futility because it's been seven years and she's still not altering her behavior. Instead, tell her how it is using short sentences, small words, and there's no point in having her repeat it back cause it obviously isn't helping. So basically, save myself the frustration and forget the explanations. It is what it is.
I get what he's saying and I will do it cause it does make sense. It's tough though when two out of the three kids can learn from experiences, while one can't. It's hard to help the two that can understand that the one who can't, actually can't. From a kid's perspective it's gotta be even harder than it is for me. I can see the big picture, the kids can't. Guess I should bring out the Brothers and Sisters in Adoption book again eh?
Friday, May 22, 2009
It's Friday!
So that must mean it's time for a new poll question! Check it out and let me know about your happy place. Actually, for me, any and all of those could apply depending on the moment.
And I've updated my new reading list. I never did finish reading Hold on to Your Kids, or Brothers and Sisters in Adoption. They're both really interesting, but instead of reading them cover to cover I'll just continue to flip through them and read different sections.
I did however, finish the book the Ten Best Days of My Life that I was reading last week. It was a great read and of course a bit of a tear jerker ending, but really entertaining. I would definitely recommend reading it while you're in your happy place.
Yesterday at the library I picked up the latest James Patterson book. How does this guy write all these books so quickly? I know he has several other writers that write in his style, but still, how does he think up all the plots for all these different series he has?
The other book I requested from the library and it finally came in is "Things I've Been Silent About" by Azar Nafisi. Here's a bit from the jacket "...Azar Nafisi gives us a stunning personal story of growing up in Iran, memories of her life lived in thrall to a powerful and complex mother, against the background of a country's political revolution." I usually like reading memoirs and this one sounded really interesting, especially from a female perspective.
Can you imagine what our kids would write about their childhoods? I'd love to read that! The things they will remember verses my memory (or lack of memory) of different events. It's always interesting when my two sisters and I start discussing shared events from our childhoods. We all remember the same event differently. (Of course, my recollection is how it REALLY happened.) And for our kids who have processing difficulites among other challenges, it would be fascinating to know how they will recall certain events.
I also still haven't finished the More magazine from at least a month ago. Have you every read this publication? I quite like it because it is Canadian first of all, and lots of Canadian content, but also because it has articles, fashion and models that are reflective of life after 40. Not some 14 year old made up to look 21 wearing a size 00.
And because it's Friday, I need to get into the planning for the weekend. So far we have nothing planned for tonight, but because I'm still without a stove...(another long story) I guess we're bbqing again! Saturday starts off with 8:30 am soccer for one kid. I'm hoping my husband will keep the other two at home and I'll go for a run while the soccer practice happens. Then it's home so my husband can go off and do whatever he needs to do to get ready for a big wig client who's coming to town. (And no, I won't be "cooking" dinner for the client!). Then my oldest has two soccer games at 11:00 in Penticton which means I need to have plenty of snacks and water bottles ready to go, plus the other two have to bring things to keep them amused throughout the games. After that it's back home to catch up on yard and housework and figure out something else to bbq. Sunday we were supposed to go to True Colours Mentoring in Kelowna but there was a conflict with the dates so that's cancelled unfortunately. The oldest daughter is heading off with another mom who is taking 3 of them to two soccer games in Vernon, so she'll have to be up and ready to go by 8:30 am. With a fully loaded cooler bag to last the day. I'm hoping to get my flower beds and planters all done on Sunday too. It's almost June and they need to be done! My middle daughter loves helping with this kind of stuff and has no qualms about getting dirty and muddy. And of course, bbqing again! And then the weekend is over. Phew!
so what are you up to this weekend?
And I've updated my new reading list. I never did finish reading Hold on to Your Kids, or Brothers and Sisters in Adoption. They're both really interesting, but instead of reading them cover to cover I'll just continue to flip through them and read different sections.
I did however, finish the book the Ten Best Days of My Life that I was reading last week. It was a great read and of course a bit of a tear jerker ending, but really entertaining. I would definitely recommend reading it while you're in your happy place.
Yesterday at the library I picked up the latest James Patterson book. How does this guy write all these books so quickly? I know he has several other writers that write in his style, but still, how does he think up all the plots for all these different series he has?
The other book I requested from the library and it finally came in is "Things I've Been Silent About" by Azar Nafisi. Here's a bit from the jacket "...Azar Nafisi gives us a stunning personal story of growing up in Iran, memories of her life lived in thrall to a powerful and complex mother, against the background of a country's political revolution." I usually like reading memoirs and this one sounded really interesting, especially from a female perspective.
Can you imagine what our kids would write about their childhoods? I'd love to read that! The things they will remember verses my memory (or lack of memory) of different events. It's always interesting when my two sisters and I start discussing shared events from our childhoods. We all remember the same event differently. (Of course, my recollection is how it REALLY happened.) And for our kids who have processing difficulites among other challenges, it would be fascinating to know how they will recall certain events.
I also still haven't finished the More magazine from at least a month ago. Have you every read this publication? I quite like it because it is Canadian first of all, and lots of Canadian content, but also because it has articles, fashion and models that are reflective of life after 40. Not some 14 year old made up to look 21 wearing a size 00.
And because it's Friday, I need to get into the planning for the weekend. So far we have nothing planned for tonight, but because I'm still without a stove...(another long story) I guess we're bbqing again! Saturday starts off with 8:30 am soccer for one kid. I'm hoping my husband will keep the other two at home and I'll go for a run while the soccer practice happens. Then it's home so my husband can go off and do whatever he needs to do to get ready for a big wig client who's coming to town. (And no, I won't be "cooking" dinner for the client!). Then my oldest has two soccer games at 11:00 in Penticton which means I need to have plenty of snacks and water bottles ready to go, plus the other two have to bring things to keep them amused throughout the games. After that it's back home to catch up on yard and housework and figure out something else to bbq. Sunday we were supposed to go to True Colours Mentoring in Kelowna but there was a conflict with the dates so that's cancelled unfortunately. The oldest daughter is heading off with another mom who is taking 3 of them to two soccer games in Vernon, so she'll have to be up and ready to go by 8:30 am. With a fully loaded cooler bag to last the day. I'm hoping to get my flower beds and planters all done on Sunday too. It's almost June and they need to be done! My middle daughter loves helping with this kind of stuff and has no qualms about getting dirty and muddy. And of course, bbqing again! And then the weekend is over. Phew!
so what are you up to this weekend?
Thursday, May 21, 2009
Ya coulda done better...
Ever have one of those days where you wish you could just instantly zap yourself somewhere else, anywhere else? The other day I was standing in line at the drug store with a shopping buggy full of toilet paper and feminine hygiene products. I looked like crap cause I had been desperately cleaning my house before the respite provider got there and the kids came home from school, before we left for our weekend away. Actually I looked worse than crap. Picture if you will; stretched out, pilled and stained yoga pants with underwear lines showing no doubt, baggy t-shirt, ball cap, no makeup, flat hair, etc. Not looking my best. And then it happened...
"Is that you?", I heard from behind me. So I turn around, and yes it was him. The guy I went to my high school prom with. And he's dressed nicely, looks good, and he smells good as he gives me a hug. I closed my eyes. When I opened them I was still there. He proceeded to introduce me to an absolutely stunning woman, dressed perfectly with perfect makeup and perfect hair. And no, he couldn't just say I was a friend from high school, no no no. He introduced me as his date for grad. There was a pause, and she looked at him and her face said it all.."Ya coulda done better". Sigh.
Why is it we never "run in to" those people when we look great and our kids are all getting along? Why can't they see how great we're doing? I mean really, it's not like I actually care what he and Miss Perfect think cause I honestly don't. But just once I'd like it to happen.
I have so given up on worrying what other people think. I think once you have a child or children with special needs, especially the invisible special needs, you get used to being on display pretty quickly. And being a transracial family we are all very used to people noticing us. From the not-so-age-appropriate meltdowns in public places, to the kid who can't sit still for 5 seconds in the restaurant. There are very few cases where I actually care what complete strangers think about us.
What I do have more trouble with though, is people that we just know a little bit. Whether it's chatting at school with other parents or seeing someone we know in a store or on the street. When one or more of my kids start doing the things they do, there are times when I feel like I should almost explain to these people that I hardly know, the reason my kids are behaving the way they do. Yet the other side of my brain tells me to shut up cause those other people will never understand what our lives are like and I don't want them to know all that information about my kids anyways. Fortunately, the smarter side of my brain usually kicks in and I shut up.
For me I worry that people are judging my kids, by my kids' behaviors. Cause if I was a good mom, my kids would know by now that wearing your underwear on the outside of your clothes is not cool. Or if I was a good mom I could stop them from pushing each other off the top of the slide. "Walk a mile in my shoes honey", that's what I want to say when I get the "look" from other parents. But I don't. I just do what I need to do for my kids, what works for them. These other parents will also never be able to appreciate the great successes my kids have either. So what if they didn't learn to read until grade 3. They love reading now. My skin is much thicker than it used to be before I became an adoptive mom.
A friend of mine told me about her kids asking her why she talked like a nice mom only when other people were around. They call it her "nice mom voice". Ha! I have a nice mom voice too. Don't we all?
"Is that you?", I heard from behind me. So I turn around, and yes it was him. The guy I went to my high school prom with. And he's dressed nicely, looks good, and he smells good as he gives me a hug. I closed my eyes. When I opened them I was still there. He proceeded to introduce me to an absolutely stunning woman, dressed perfectly with perfect makeup and perfect hair. And no, he couldn't just say I was a friend from high school, no no no. He introduced me as his date for grad. There was a pause, and she looked at him and her face said it all.."Ya coulda done better". Sigh.
Why is it we never "run in to" those people when we look great and our kids are all getting along? Why can't they see how great we're doing? I mean really, it's not like I actually care what he and Miss Perfect think cause I honestly don't. But just once I'd like it to happen.
I have so given up on worrying what other people think. I think once you have a child or children with special needs, especially the invisible special needs, you get used to being on display pretty quickly. And being a transracial family we are all very used to people noticing us. From the not-so-age-appropriate meltdowns in public places, to the kid who can't sit still for 5 seconds in the restaurant. There are very few cases where I actually care what complete strangers think about us.
What I do have more trouble with though, is people that we just know a little bit. Whether it's chatting at school with other parents or seeing someone we know in a store or on the street. When one or more of my kids start doing the things they do, there are times when I feel like I should almost explain to these people that I hardly know, the reason my kids are behaving the way they do. Yet the other side of my brain tells me to shut up cause those other people will never understand what our lives are like and I don't want them to know all that information about my kids anyways. Fortunately, the smarter side of my brain usually kicks in and I shut up.
For me I worry that people are judging my kids, by my kids' behaviors. Cause if I was a good mom, my kids would know by now that wearing your underwear on the outside of your clothes is not cool. Or if I was a good mom I could stop them from pushing each other off the top of the slide. "Walk a mile in my shoes honey", that's what I want to say when I get the "look" from other parents. But I don't. I just do what I need to do for my kids, what works for them. These other parents will also never be able to appreciate the great successes my kids have either. So what if they didn't learn to read until grade 3. They love reading now. My skin is much thicker than it used to be before I became an adoptive mom.
A friend of mine told me about her kids asking her why she talked like a nice mom only when other people were around. They call it her "nice mom voice". Ha! I have a nice mom voice too. Don't we all?
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
Have you voted on the poll question yet?
I noticed a significant lack of any of us voting for putting our $ 5,000.00 in the savings account. It's an interesting amount of money isn't it? Not enough to go really crazy with, but enough to have some fun with.
I have this little fantasy that some long lost relative that I've never met would leave me a gazillion dollars. Yeah, not likely to happen but I can dream.
Money is such a huge factor in adoptive families isn't it? From the very beginning money enters into our decision to adopt. Do you have money or can you borrow enough? Then you have many more options when it comes to adopting a child, especially an infant. You can choose to adopt internationally through an agency, or you can even choose to adopt a low-risk infant from an agency. Don't have access to money? Well then you can adopt through MCFD. But why does that seem to be second or third best, or as a last resort? Whether we like to admit it or not, generally speaking, international/infant adoptions are looked upon with greater acceptance than to adopt a child from foster care. Which is so sad. All children deserve permanency.
Has anyone ever asked you "So how much did he cost?" And have you wanted to punch that person in the mouth? Hopefully you managed to contain yourself and answer with a polite response such as "He's priceless." But everyone knows and acknowledges that there is a financial price for adoption, not to mention the emotional price. (But that's a topic for another day's blogging.)
And then there's the conversations we need to have, or will have someday with our children and the financial cost of adoptions.
I may be digressing a bit (cause, like, that never happens with me), but don't you hate all those "Adopt-A..." campaigns? It drives me crazy that businesses and organizations think that throwing money at a worthy cause is the same as adoption. Yeah yeah I know it doesn't bother everyone. We're all adults and we get what they're trying to do. But what about our kids? They don't have the ability or the capacity of their brain functioning on an adult level. And because adoption is a very abstract concept for kids to understand, how can they possibly get adopting a road is not the same as adopting a child? Although kids who have been adopted may understand that their families are forever but what about all the kids who are waiting for adoptive homes? Do they look at those Adopt-A-Street campaigns and think.."Gee, I wonder why someone will adopt a street but they won't adopt me? I'm better than a street. Arn't I?"
Ok, so I digressed. But speaking of money and adoption, my kids are all very close in age - only two years between all three of them. And each one of them have such different levels of understanding of money and its uses. For example, one of my kids will save and save and save until more than enough money is saved for whatever the wanted item is. Then another child would spend the money as fast as it comes in if they had their way. And my other child who has no connection whatsoever to how long it takes to save up for something. Nothing matters to this child, so there's no real heartbreak when they have to replace a sibling's toy that they broke. Can you guess which child suffers the most from FASD? Yup, the last one I mentioned.
The other two "get" the concept of "when the money is gone, the money is gone". Not the FASD child. And from what I understand from other parents of kids with FASD, this is one of the hardest concepts for kids to grasp.
Do you give your kids an allowance for doing specific chores around the house? Or are they given money for helping out but it's not tied to chores or behavior? Some of my kids' friends get a good stash of cash for getting A's on their report cards. Man, I feel sorry for the other kids in those families who many never be able to get an A but still work their butts off for a C+.
Which now that I think about it, reminds me of those bumper stickers that say something like "Proud parent of an honor roll student". I hate those too. My kids may never make the honor roll but I'm just as proud of them. One mom I know got this bumper sticker "My dog is smarter than your honor roll kid any day!" Now that one I like!
I have this little fantasy that some long lost relative that I've never met would leave me a gazillion dollars. Yeah, not likely to happen but I can dream.
Money is such a huge factor in adoptive families isn't it? From the very beginning money enters into our decision to adopt. Do you have money or can you borrow enough? Then you have many more options when it comes to adopting a child, especially an infant. You can choose to adopt internationally through an agency, or you can even choose to adopt a low-risk infant from an agency. Don't have access to money? Well then you can adopt through MCFD. But why does that seem to be second or third best, or as a last resort? Whether we like to admit it or not, generally speaking, international/infant adoptions are looked upon with greater acceptance than to adopt a child from foster care. Which is so sad. All children deserve permanency.
Has anyone ever asked you "So how much did he cost?" And have you wanted to punch that person in the mouth? Hopefully you managed to contain yourself and answer with a polite response such as "He's priceless." But everyone knows and acknowledges that there is a financial price for adoption, not to mention the emotional price. (But that's a topic for another day's blogging.)
And then there's the conversations we need to have, or will have someday with our children and the financial cost of adoptions.
I may be digressing a bit (cause, like, that never happens with me), but don't you hate all those "Adopt-A..." campaigns? It drives me crazy that businesses and organizations think that throwing money at a worthy cause is the same as adoption. Yeah yeah I know it doesn't bother everyone. We're all adults and we get what they're trying to do. But what about our kids? They don't have the ability or the capacity of their brain functioning on an adult level. And because adoption is a very abstract concept for kids to understand, how can they possibly get adopting a road is not the same as adopting a child? Although kids who have been adopted may understand that their families are forever but what about all the kids who are waiting for adoptive homes? Do they look at those Adopt-A-Street campaigns and think.."Gee, I wonder why someone will adopt a street but they won't adopt me? I'm better than a street. Arn't I?"
Ok, so I digressed. But speaking of money and adoption, my kids are all very close in age - only two years between all three of them. And each one of them have such different levels of understanding of money and its uses. For example, one of my kids will save and save and save until more than enough money is saved for whatever the wanted item is. Then another child would spend the money as fast as it comes in if they had their way. And my other child who has no connection whatsoever to how long it takes to save up for something. Nothing matters to this child, so there's no real heartbreak when they have to replace a sibling's toy that they broke. Can you guess which child suffers the most from FASD? Yup, the last one I mentioned.
The other two "get" the concept of "when the money is gone, the money is gone". Not the FASD child. And from what I understand from other parents of kids with FASD, this is one of the hardest concepts for kids to grasp.
Do you give your kids an allowance for doing specific chores around the house? Or are they given money for helping out but it's not tied to chores or behavior? Some of my kids' friends get a good stash of cash for getting A's on their report cards. Man, I feel sorry for the other kids in those families who many never be able to get an A but still work their butts off for a C+.
Which now that I think about it, reminds me of those bumper stickers that say something like "Proud parent of an honor roll student". I hate those too. My kids may never make the honor roll but I'm just as proud of them. One mom I know got this bumper sticker "My dog is smarter than your honor roll kid any day!" Now that one I like!
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
Back to reality...
Well we had to come home sometime. We had a fun weekend in Vancouver without children, but all too soon reality set in. The kids survived with our respite provider Gayle, and more importantly, when we got home yesterday afternoon they hadn't tied her up to a kitchen chair with duct tape. Gayle went on and on about how wonderful the kids were, no problems she couldn't handle, and the child that I was most concerned about behavior wise was "a shining star".
Now don't get me wrong, I'm thrilled the kids behaved and cooperated with Gayle. But why does she get all the good behavior? (Can you hear my whining?) That was a redundant question because I know the reasons why - I could write a book on the reasons why. But just for one weekend, I would like to have that child behave as "a shining star" for me. (More whining.)
But I am mentally going back to my happy place. My latest happy place is the Sutton Place Hotel on Burrard Street in Vancouver. It involves cute young men in uniforms (valet service and bell boys) and free drinks in the lounge at check in because our room wasn't ready yet. (No whining.) Have you ever had a Twisted Cosmo? They are very yummy and involve mysterious quantities of orange vodka and some other yummy flavors. And it's amazing how much better things taste when they're free.
And here's another question for you. What's the first thing you do when you get into your hotel room? Do you check the sheets? (For the record, the sheets at the Sutton Place are at least 400 count and ironed and clean!). Do you check and see how clean the bathroom is? (Sutton Place - clean and roomy with lots of free amenities). Do you check for extra blankets? (None at SP but I'm sure one of those cute young men would bring us up some if we needed them to.)
Here's what I do whenever I get to a new hotel room. I check all the cupboards, drawers, closets etc. for unopenned booze that the previous tenants left behind. And of course there is a story to explain. When I was about 8 years old my family headed out for the marathon trip to Vancouver one weekend. Not something we normally did as there was no Coquihalla back then and the trip took forever in our gas-guzzling avocado green Chrysler with vinyl seats. We made it as far as Keremeos before something went wrong and we spent at least 4 hours at the one and only gas station in town. When we finally got back on the road again it was getting late and my dad drove as far as Hope before he gave in to exhaustion. (Hence our family joke that is very old and tired...I hope we get to Hope.) So we check in to some dark small hotel room where everything was brown and because us kids are bored, we start looking around for things to do. My older sister chose to search the ancient brown dresser and discovered an unopenned 26 oz. bottle of Rye, which just happened to be my parents' drink of choice. So once again the older sister got to be the "shining star". We began a new tradition that trip of always checking for hidden treasure. Not that we travelled in motels very much, but when we did, we looked for booze.
So was there booze at the Sutton Place? Nope, just a half bag of Shreddies. How disappointing. Oh well, I will continue in my never ending quest whenever I stay in a hotel.
Now don't get me wrong, I'm thrilled the kids behaved and cooperated with Gayle. But why does she get all the good behavior? (Can you hear my whining?) That was a redundant question because I know the reasons why - I could write a book on the reasons why. But just for one weekend, I would like to have that child behave as "a shining star" for me. (More whining.)
But I am mentally going back to my happy place. My latest happy place is the Sutton Place Hotel on Burrard Street in Vancouver. It involves cute young men in uniforms (valet service and bell boys) and free drinks in the lounge at check in because our room wasn't ready yet. (No whining.) Have you ever had a Twisted Cosmo? They are very yummy and involve mysterious quantities of orange vodka and some other yummy flavors. And it's amazing how much better things taste when they're free.
And here's another question for you. What's the first thing you do when you get into your hotel room? Do you check the sheets? (For the record, the sheets at the Sutton Place are at least 400 count and ironed and clean!). Do you check and see how clean the bathroom is? (Sutton Place - clean and roomy with lots of free amenities). Do you check for extra blankets? (None at SP but I'm sure one of those cute young men would bring us up some if we needed them to.)
Here's what I do whenever I get to a new hotel room. I check all the cupboards, drawers, closets etc. for unopenned booze that the previous tenants left behind. And of course there is a story to explain. When I was about 8 years old my family headed out for the marathon trip to Vancouver one weekend. Not something we normally did as there was no Coquihalla back then and the trip took forever in our gas-guzzling avocado green Chrysler with vinyl seats. We made it as far as Keremeos before something went wrong and we spent at least 4 hours at the one and only gas station in town. When we finally got back on the road again it was getting late and my dad drove as far as Hope before he gave in to exhaustion. (Hence our family joke that is very old and tired...I hope we get to Hope.) So we check in to some dark small hotel room where everything was brown and because us kids are bored, we start looking around for things to do. My older sister chose to search the ancient brown dresser and discovered an unopenned 26 oz. bottle of Rye, which just happened to be my parents' drink of choice. So once again the older sister got to be the "shining star". We began a new tradition that trip of always checking for hidden treasure. Not that we travelled in motels very much, but when we did, we looked for booze.
So was there booze at the Sutton Place? Nope, just a half bag of Shreddies. How disappointing. Oh well, I will continue in my never ending quest whenever I stay in a hotel.
Friday, May 15, 2009
It's a conspiracy..
I'm certain of it. Within the past 12 months we have had to replace the hot water tank, the washer and dryer, the fridge, new taps for the kitchen sink, and my huband managed to repair the dishwasher so we didn't have to replace that. And then earlier this week, my stove died. It would seem that the computer thingy that runs the oven has shorted out, and it will only, yes only, take 2 - 4 weeks to order in the specialty part from somewhere back east. And the part is at least $400 and the labour to put it in will be about $200. What is really, really making me mad is that the oven is not even 4 years old! We paid really good money for a self cleaning, glass top, convection oven and this is ridiculous! Not even 4 years out of it?? But for $775 I can get a new stove without convection. So I guess I'm getting a new stove today. Because I didn't have enough to do with getting all the laundry done before we leave for Vancouver, and cleaning my house, and taking the dog to the vet, and buying groceries, and picking up medications, now I have to clean behind my stove so the applicance delivery guy doesn't think I'm a total slob.
But I digress from my conspiracy theory. I think, no - I know that my electrical appliances talk to each other through the wiring in the house. I know they communicate and send signals to their manufacturer for direction on who should blow a fuse, burn out their sensor or outright die, and in what order. Of course they have access to my internet banking and know how far into my overdraft I am which they then correlate to how costly the repair will be. And, if I happen to be searching on-line for the price of a new storm door for example, they take this information and use it against me, by requiring my hard earned dollars to be spent on something electrical.
Laugh at me if you must, but you know I'm right. However, I am now concerned that "they" will know I am on to them because they can read this blog entry. But what else is there that can break down? Ok that was a really stupid question because they will find something...
Do you think I really need to get away this weekend?
Time for a new poll question - check it out!
But I digress from my conspiracy theory. I think, no - I know that my electrical appliances talk to each other through the wiring in the house. I know they communicate and send signals to their manufacturer for direction on who should blow a fuse, burn out their sensor or outright die, and in what order. Of course they have access to my internet banking and know how far into my overdraft I am which they then correlate to how costly the repair will be. And, if I happen to be searching on-line for the price of a new storm door for example, they take this information and use it against me, by requiring my hard earned dollars to be spent on something electrical.
Laugh at me if you must, but you know I'm right. However, I am now concerned that "they" will know I am on to them because they can read this blog entry. But what else is there that can break down? Ok that was a really stupid question because they will find something...
Do you think I really need to get away this weekend?
Time for a new poll question - check it out!
Thursday, May 14, 2009
I'm reading something new...
Well I finally finished that last novel I was reading, a murder mystery by P.D. James. Usually I like her novels but this one was kind of bland and predictable.
Yesterday I ran into the library quickly to pick up something, anything and I grabbed a novel by Adena Halpern called "The Ten Best Days of My Life." The main character finds herself in heaven with her dog after being run over by a Mini-Cooper at 4:00 am. In order to stay in heaven though, she must write an essay about the 10 best days of her life. I just read the first chapter last night and it's entertaining so far.
You see, I had to have some "fluffy" kinds of books to read, along with the other serious books. Sometimes I just want to flip through a magazine; sometimes I want to learn serious things; and sometimes I just want a trashy novel to escape in to. And the main reason that I needed fluff to read, is that finally, yes finally, my husband and I get to escape for the weekend with children!
I never thought it would actually happen. Between the 3 kids and all their medical and behavioral challenges it's been tough to find someone who can handle all of it/them. Oh yeah, friends have said we'll watch them for you. And that is so very nice of them to offer, but their kids are typically developing kids without special needs. And though they know my kids fairly well, dealing with them for 3 days and all their quirks and foibles could be a recipe for disastor.
My kids, like most kids, can spot weakness and fear instantly. However, unlike most kids, two of my three will take any situation to the extreme within about 30 seconds. The third child will always try and play peacemaker and tell the other two that they shouldn't be doing that, but do the other two listen to her? Of course not. Why would they? They're having fun. Let me give you an example..
We were over at my step-daughter's house for Mother's Day dinner. The weather was good, sunny but not hot. My son-in-law is attempting to bbq hamburgers without burning them while watching hockey and basketball with my husband. My step-daughter and I are upstairs looking at the latest photos of my grand-kids on the computer. My oldest daughter is going through my step-daughter's closet looking for dresses she can borrow. My 3 year old granddaughter is outside with my younger two playing with sidewalk chalk and bubbles. Since the windows upstairs are open, we can see the smoke billowing from the bbq. We can also hear the 3 year old crying. Since apparently no one else in the house is capable of multi-tasking, my step-daugther and I go downstairs to rescue the 3 year old and the hamburgers.
Apparently it seemed like a good idea to start flinging bubble water at each other, which of course got into the eyes of the 3 year old and explains the crying. The bubbles also washed off some of the sidewalk chalk drawings which then started a battle to see which of my two could smear the other's drawings faster and wipe the soapy chalky mess onto each other.
After that was all stopped, they decided they would play soccer with the 3 year olds' new little net and mini soccer ball. By this time I'm inside helping get dinner ready and evenutally everyone eats their char-broiled burgers and the kids go back out to continue the soccer game. Within minutes my son comes in and starts yelling that she was throwing the soccer ball at his face; she yells that he did it to her first so she hit him. And it goes on and on and on....
And this all took place within less than 30 minutes. These two kids can sometimes play together fine. Sometimes. But left unsupervised, the play will usually degrade into someone getting hurt. It's tough because most kids at their age can be left outside in the yard to play relatively well together with minimal supervision. With two of my kids, there always needs to be "in you vision, supervision". Things just work out so much better if I do that. But for someone else not familiar with this type of supervision or less than age appropriate behavior, the day can easily get off track. And although it isn't good for the kids, they usually don't remember what they've done anyways, it really isn't good for adult friendships either.
But my point, and I do have one, is that we've hired one of my kids' former EA's to come and spend the weekend. Nothing scares her. She never shows weakness or fear. She's firm but kind, structured but fun. She's kind of like Mary Poppins without the poofy dress and umbrella. I have no doubt she will have fun with the kids and that they will be well looked after.
And even better, my husband and I get a weekend away in Vancouver with no one else to look after - just ourselves. And man, do we need the break!
Yesterday I ran into the library quickly to pick up something, anything and I grabbed a novel by Adena Halpern called "The Ten Best Days of My Life." The main character finds herself in heaven with her dog after being run over by a Mini-Cooper at 4:00 am. In order to stay in heaven though, she must write an essay about the 10 best days of her life. I just read the first chapter last night and it's entertaining so far.
You see, I had to have some "fluffy" kinds of books to read, along with the other serious books. Sometimes I just want to flip through a magazine; sometimes I want to learn serious things; and sometimes I just want a trashy novel to escape in to. And the main reason that I needed fluff to read, is that finally, yes finally, my husband and I get to escape for the weekend with children!
I never thought it would actually happen. Between the 3 kids and all their medical and behavioral challenges it's been tough to find someone who can handle all of it/them. Oh yeah, friends have said we'll watch them for you. And that is so very nice of them to offer, but their kids are typically developing kids without special needs. And though they know my kids fairly well, dealing with them for 3 days and all their quirks and foibles could be a recipe for disastor.
My kids, like most kids, can spot weakness and fear instantly. However, unlike most kids, two of my three will take any situation to the extreme within about 30 seconds. The third child will always try and play peacemaker and tell the other two that they shouldn't be doing that, but do the other two listen to her? Of course not. Why would they? They're having fun. Let me give you an example..
We were over at my step-daughter's house for Mother's Day dinner. The weather was good, sunny but not hot. My son-in-law is attempting to bbq hamburgers without burning them while watching hockey and basketball with my husband. My step-daughter and I are upstairs looking at the latest photos of my grand-kids on the computer. My oldest daughter is going through my step-daughter's closet looking for dresses she can borrow. My 3 year old granddaughter is outside with my younger two playing with sidewalk chalk and bubbles. Since the windows upstairs are open, we can see the smoke billowing from the bbq. We can also hear the 3 year old crying. Since apparently no one else in the house is capable of multi-tasking, my step-daugther and I go downstairs to rescue the 3 year old and the hamburgers.
Apparently it seemed like a good idea to start flinging bubble water at each other, which of course got into the eyes of the 3 year old and explains the crying. The bubbles also washed off some of the sidewalk chalk drawings which then started a battle to see which of my two could smear the other's drawings faster and wipe the soapy chalky mess onto each other.
After that was all stopped, they decided they would play soccer with the 3 year olds' new little net and mini soccer ball. By this time I'm inside helping get dinner ready and evenutally everyone eats their char-broiled burgers and the kids go back out to continue the soccer game. Within minutes my son comes in and starts yelling that she was throwing the soccer ball at his face; she yells that he did it to her first so she hit him. And it goes on and on and on....
And this all took place within less than 30 minutes. These two kids can sometimes play together fine. Sometimes. But left unsupervised, the play will usually degrade into someone getting hurt. It's tough because most kids at their age can be left outside in the yard to play relatively well together with minimal supervision. With two of my kids, there always needs to be "in you vision, supervision". Things just work out so much better if I do that. But for someone else not familiar with this type of supervision or less than age appropriate behavior, the day can easily get off track. And although it isn't good for the kids, they usually don't remember what they've done anyways, it really isn't good for adult friendships either.
But my point, and I do have one, is that we've hired one of my kids' former EA's to come and spend the weekend. Nothing scares her. She never shows weakness or fear. She's firm but kind, structured but fun. She's kind of like Mary Poppins without the poofy dress and umbrella. I have no doubt she will have fun with the kids and that they will be well looked after.
And even better, my husband and I get a weekend away in Vancouver with no one else to look after - just ourselves. And man, do we need the break!
Wednesday, May 13, 2009
What I'm working on..
Well it's one of those paper shuffling kinda days for me. Right now I'm waiting for my computer to finish copying a file from one directory on the server into my directory on the server. And it seems to be taking forever. Ok, so maybe I overloaded the poor thing by asking it to attach some files to an email for one of my volunteers. Why does it take so long? Actually I don't even want to know why, just make it happen quicker.
I have no patience today...I want everything done NOW! Right now! Too much coffee? Not enough?? I'm taking a break to do a workout in a bit, pehaps that will help. And yes, I will actually do the workout this time. I take a Cardio Core class twice a week so that's where I'm headed. I hope the instructor is mericful today.
Then when I get back it's time to hit the phone lines and connect with some families who are just considering adoption and have asked for information. I am so far behind with calling these families and I feel really bad about it. I remember when we first started looking into adoption and I wanted all the information right now! (I also wanted a child "right now" but fortunately I had to wait!) At least the families that inquired have the information package that AFABC sends out, and that does have lots of info about MCFD adoptions and my toll free number to call.
Remember those days back when you first decided to adopt? It was scary, exciting and we were full of hope. Once we decided to adopt there was no going back, just forward. We had all these idealized versions of what parenthood would be like. I remember watching little kids with their moms walking to school hand in hand and it made me yearn to experience that too. (Reminds me of a conversation I had with my oldest daughter on her 5th birthday when I was asking her what I would do when she went to kindergarten with all the other kids. She answered "It's ok Mommy, you can stand outside the window and watch me." Fortunately I was never quite that desperate. OK, well maybe I did watch through the window but it was only for a few minutes, not like the whole day or anything. And I wasn't the only parent doing that.)
Then while we were waiting for the next two kids to come along I didn't have quite as much time to obsess over it, but still I managed to dream a little bit. I had this vision of family days at the park, camping trips, Christmas morning, etc. I hadn't counted on standing at the checkout at the local IGA hearing one of my children yelling at the top of her lungs "Mom, she touched my private parts!" Did I mention it was senior's day at IGA? I can laugh now, but then, not so much.
When I would attend support groups I would listen in awe and terror as the experienced moms would talk about some of the issues they were having with their kids. And I would sit back and think to myself, "Man I'm glad my kid doesn't do that." But now that my kids are older, they are those kids who are "doing that". And I think back to how grateful I am to those moms for sharing those challenges back then. I know I'm not the only one and that is incredibly priceless!
I have no patience today...I want everything done NOW! Right now! Too much coffee? Not enough?? I'm taking a break to do a workout in a bit, pehaps that will help. And yes, I will actually do the workout this time. I take a Cardio Core class twice a week so that's where I'm headed. I hope the instructor is mericful today.
Then when I get back it's time to hit the phone lines and connect with some families who are just considering adoption and have asked for information. I am so far behind with calling these families and I feel really bad about it. I remember when we first started looking into adoption and I wanted all the information right now! (I also wanted a child "right now" but fortunately I had to wait!) At least the families that inquired have the information package that AFABC sends out, and that does have lots of info about MCFD adoptions and my toll free number to call.
Remember those days back when you first decided to adopt? It was scary, exciting and we were full of hope. Once we decided to adopt there was no going back, just forward. We had all these idealized versions of what parenthood would be like. I remember watching little kids with their moms walking to school hand in hand and it made me yearn to experience that too. (Reminds me of a conversation I had with my oldest daughter on her 5th birthday when I was asking her what I would do when she went to kindergarten with all the other kids. She answered "It's ok Mommy, you can stand outside the window and watch me." Fortunately I was never quite that desperate. OK, well maybe I did watch through the window but it was only for a few minutes, not like the whole day or anything. And I wasn't the only parent doing that.)
Then while we were waiting for the next two kids to come along I didn't have quite as much time to obsess over it, but still I managed to dream a little bit. I had this vision of family days at the park, camping trips, Christmas morning, etc. I hadn't counted on standing at the checkout at the local IGA hearing one of my children yelling at the top of her lungs "Mom, she touched my private parts!" Did I mention it was senior's day at IGA? I can laugh now, but then, not so much.
When I would attend support groups I would listen in awe and terror as the experienced moms would talk about some of the issues they were having with their kids. And I would sit back and think to myself, "Man I'm glad my kid doesn't do that." But now that my kids are older, they are those kids who are "doing that". And I think back to how grateful I am to those moms for sharing those challenges back then. I know I'm not the only one and that is incredibly priceless!
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
She called...
Yes, my daughter's birth mom phoned this morning! They had a great conversation and I got to speak with her too. I'm really looking forward to the day when we can take her back to meet her birth mom. And I must get back in the habit of sending her birth mom updated photos.
But as the kids are heading out the door for school, my son says "I wish I knew what my birth mom looks like." I so wish the MCFD workers had taken at least one photo of her. It's so hard when kids have different levels of openness. And birthdays are always reminders of what they've lost. As parents we expect our kids to be happy on their birthdays, but our adopted kids don't always feel so happy.
So many times we hear and read about helping our kids "get over it", when instead we should help them learn to "live with it". Haven't we been told that "time heals all wounds"? But does it really? I don't think so. Time certainly never erases what happened, perhaps just dulls the pain for awhile until some trigger reminds us. And those triggers can wreak havoc in our families can't they?
When we know of potential triggers such as holidays, birthdays, anniversary dates, etc. we can prepare for the worst and hope for the best. Instead of subtly or not-so-sublty encouraging our kids to "get over" or "stifle" their grief, we can validate their feelings, encourage them to talk about their emotions and using empathy to let our kids know it's ok to grieve.
Following is an excerpt from an article on the NACAC website on "Going and Growing through Grief and Loss: Parenting Traumatized Adopted Children by Dee Paddock"
"As parents, we must teach our children to say therapeutic "good-byes." In this culture, we don't always teach our kids to learn how to deal with losses that are final — like adoption. Traumatized children have a lot of mourning to do so they can do some living. And the more mourning they do, the more room they have in those broken hearts for love. As an example, in our family we have a ritualized "good-bye" to the teachers at the end of every school year.
Because many of our children will never have contact with their birth families, we must teach them to live with the loss and ambivalence that are normal in adoption. These are tough feelings to tolerate; they make traumatized children feel helpless and powerless. To stop such feelings, traumatized adopted children split the world into good and bad — they can't deal with the idea that the woman who gave birth to them has hurt them or abandoned them, or placed them for adoption. They split off their rage at being abandoned, hurt, or neglected, and put it somewhere else, usually on an adoptive parent!"
Good point!
But as the kids are heading out the door for school, my son says "I wish I knew what my birth mom looks like." I so wish the MCFD workers had taken at least one photo of her. It's so hard when kids have different levels of openness. And birthdays are always reminders of what they've lost. As parents we expect our kids to be happy on their birthdays, but our adopted kids don't always feel so happy.
So many times we hear and read about helping our kids "get over it", when instead we should help them learn to "live with it". Haven't we been told that "time heals all wounds"? But does it really? I don't think so. Time certainly never erases what happened, perhaps just dulls the pain for awhile until some trigger reminds us. And those triggers can wreak havoc in our families can't they?
When we know of potential triggers such as holidays, birthdays, anniversary dates, etc. we can prepare for the worst and hope for the best. Instead of subtly or not-so-sublty encouraging our kids to "get over" or "stifle" their grief, we can validate their feelings, encourage them to talk about their emotions and using empathy to let our kids know it's ok to grieve.
Following is an excerpt from an article on the NACAC website on "Going and Growing through Grief and Loss: Parenting Traumatized Adopted Children by Dee Paddock"
"As parents, we must teach our children to say therapeutic "good-byes." In this culture, we don't always teach our kids to learn how to deal with losses that are final — like adoption. Traumatized children have a lot of mourning to do so they can do some living. And the more mourning they do, the more room they have in those broken hearts for love. As an example, in our family we have a ritualized "good-bye" to the teachers at the end of every school year.
Because many of our children will never have contact with their birth families, we must teach them to live with the loss and ambivalence that are normal in adoption. These are tough feelings to tolerate; they make traumatized children feel helpless and powerless. To stop such feelings, traumatized adopted children split the world into good and bad — they can't deal with the idea that the woman who gave birth to them has hurt them or abandoned them, or placed them for adoption. They split off their rage at being abandoned, hurt, or neglected, and put it somewhere else, usually on an adoptive parent!"
Good point!
Monday, May 11, 2009
Days like these..
My day started off okay, but gradually it went downhill, accelerating into dysfunction.
I was taking my car in for it's regular service and had the brilliant idea that I would drop it off then jog home. Except I had too much coffee and there was no way I was going to use the grungy bathroom at the mechanic's. Fortunately I caught my husband in time to give me a lift home. So then I thought I would just do a workout on my treadmill because it had started to rain, and really, I mean, who wants to run in the rain? But then I thought I would just do a bit of work first, then definitely I was going to run. But oops, I'd forgotten about the appointment at the bank this morning to re-do our mortgage. Fortunately my husband called to remind me about the appointment and gave me a whole 10 minutes to shower and try and look decent. So much for the workout. I know, I could have come home and done a run because the bank appointment only took 15 minutes with a guy who looked about 15 years old. But I had already had my shower and that would mean getting changed back into my yoga pants, getting all sweaty, then having another shower. I kinda have this weird rule about one shower a day. Weird I know.
Things picked up until I was ready to start dinner. Guess what? My oven died. Thank goodness for the bbq! The major problem being, that tomorrow is my daughter's birthday and I had planned to bake her a birthday cake. Fortunately, IGA was still open so I made the call to the bakery department. Yeah yeah, I'll deal with the guilt over not baking her cake later. And of course I couldn't find the manual that came with the stove..I can find the manual for a toaster I bought in 1997, but not the one for the stove. After dinner I thought I'd just look up the error code or trouble shooting on the internet. But that would have required my wireless connection to be working and it was on the fritz - again! Meanwhile, my husband is yelling the play by play action from the Canucks game, my oldest daughter is doing her version of Miley Cyrus' "Hoe Down Throw Down" and all I can hear from my other two kids is slamming doors, banging noises and very loud whining. The dog hasn't been fed and the cat just threw up on my kitchen floor.
My solution, ignore them all and play a few rounds of Mahjong on the computer - no internet connection required! Finally I can't take the banging and crashing and I have to investigate. I know their ADHD meds have worn off, and I should have interfered earlier, but hey, hindsight is always 20/20. My son and my daughter are downstairs in the tv room/workout room and are having tons of fun throwing the large inflatable ball at each other while bouncing on the Boscu. It doesn't seem to matter that the tv is in the direct line of fire or that the ball was not made for that. Heavens no. Sigh. Just another of those fun parenting moments.
My other concern is for my daugther who is celebrating her birthday tomorrow. I know she's hoping her birth mom phones tomorrow. Hoping because over the years she has phoned a few times. I hope she phones. It would mean so much to our daughter. I guess I have to be prepared for either scenario, as well as deal with my other two kids who don't have access to any of their birth family. It could be tough for everyone, but it's all part of how we have to try and help our kids deal with all this crazy stuff.
I was taking my car in for it's regular service and had the brilliant idea that I would drop it off then jog home. Except I had too much coffee and there was no way I was going to use the grungy bathroom at the mechanic's. Fortunately I caught my husband in time to give me a lift home. So then I thought I would just do a workout on my treadmill because it had started to rain, and really, I mean, who wants to run in the rain? But then I thought I would just do a bit of work first, then definitely I was going to run. But oops, I'd forgotten about the appointment at the bank this morning to re-do our mortgage. Fortunately my husband called to remind me about the appointment and gave me a whole 10 minutes to shower and try and look decent. So much for the workout. I know, I could have come home and done a run because the bank appointment only took 15 minutes with a guy who looked about 15 years old. But I had already had my shower and that would mean getting changed back into my yoga pants, getting all sweaty, then having another shower. I kinda have this weird rule about one shower a day. Weird I know.
Things picked up until I was ready to start dinner. Guess what? My oven died. Thank goodness for the bbq! The major problem being, that tomorrow is my daughter's birthday and I had planned to bake her a birthday cake. Fortunately, IGA was still open so I made the call to the bakery department. Yeah yeah, I'll deal with the guilt over not baking her cake later. And of course I couldn't find the manual that came with the stove..I can find the manual for a toaster I bought in 1997, but not the one for the stove. After dinner I thought I'd just look up the error code or trouble shooting on the internet. But that would have required my wireless connection to be working and it was on the fritz - again! Meanwhile, my husband is yelling the play by play action from the Canucks game, my oldest daughter is doing her version of Miley Cyrus' "Hoe Down Throw Down" and all I can hear from my other two kids is slamming doors, banging noises and very loud whining. The dog hasn't been fed and the cat just threw up on my kitchen floor.
My solution, ignore them all and play a few rounds of Mahjong on the computer - no internet connection required! Finally I can't take the banging and crashing and I have to investigate. I know their ADHD meds have worn off, and I should have interfered earlier, but hey, hindsight is always 20/20. My son and my daughter are downstairs in the tv room/workout room and are having tons of fun throwing the large inflatable ball at each other while bouncing on the Boscu. It doesn't seem to matter that the tv is in the direct line of fire or that the ball was not made for that. Heavens no. Sigh. Just another of those fun parenting moments.
My other concern is for my daugther who is celebrating her birthday tomorrow. I know she's hoping her birth mom phones tomorrow. Hoping because over the years she has phoned a few times. I hope she phones. It would mean so much to our daughter. I guess I have to be prepared for either scenario, as well as deal with my other two kids who don't have access to any of their birth family. It could be tough for everyone, but it's all part of how we have to try and help our kids deal with all this crazy stuff.
How was Mother's Day?
Did you have a good one? I did. My kids made me cards and gifts at school and I honestly do like those the best. I know, I know, they're kinda cheesy but I still love getting them.
The weather here all weekend was warm and sunny, and if I'm not mistaken I may have a slight touch of sunburn on my face. I asked the kids to wash my car for me - with their dad's help. I started out watching them all argue about who got to hold the hose, who got to use which rag (who knew rags were so coveted?)etc. Then of course my husband was trying to show them the proper way to wash a car...they couldn't have cared less about the proper way. So what if the soap dries on the car. So what if you wash the wheels first not last. I finally had to go inside - I couldn't keep a straight face. As I said, the weather was warm and sunny, and as I looked out my kitchen window I could see all 3 kids inside the car, with the doors closed, windows up, spraying copious amounts of Windex on the windows and everywhere else. But hey, my car is kinda clean and they had fun.
It's always hard on Mother's Day for me when I think about my kids' birth moms and wondering how they are doing. I hope they know their kids think about them on this day, and well, every day really. But Mother's Day must be especially difficult for them. How do they answer the question from strangers.."Do you have kids?" What about all those store clerks who although well meaning, say "Happy Mothers Day" to every woman who looks like she should be a mom. It's gotta be tough. I know it was really tough for me before my first daughter came home when all I wanted to do was be able to celebrate Mother's Day as a mom.
Have you seen the movie "Hotel For Dogs"? We rented that on Friday night after an exhaustive search for bathing suits for my two daughters. (That's another long story!) I didn't realize a major part of the story line is that the two main characters are in foster care. Don Cheadle plays the role of their social worker and it was great to see his character portrayed as caring an sensitive. The foster parents certainly aren't the smartest people, but in the typical "everything works out in the end" story line, they provide entertaining adversaries for the kids. The movie also shows how difficult it is to place siblings, especially older ones, together and makes mention of the many moves kids in care make.
This week will prove to be another busy one with car maintenance today, vet appointment tomorrow, my daughter's 11th birthday tomorrow, dance practice for one child, soccer for two kids - different times, different fields, a hair appointment for me (yea!) and our respite care provider coming over Wed. after school to get prepped before...are you ready?...my husband and I go away for the long weekend without children!!! Yes, it's finally going to happen! Can't wait for Friday!
The weather here all weekend was warm and sunny, and if I'm not mistaken I may have a slight touch of sunburn on my face. I asked the kids to wash my car for me - with their dad's help. I started out watching them all argue about who got to hold the hose, who got to use which rag (who knew rags were so coveted?)etc. Then of course my husband was trying to show them the proper way to wash a car...they couldn't have cared less about the proper way. So what if the soap dries on the car. So what if you wash the wheels first not last. I finally had to go inside - I couldn't keep a straight face. As I said, the weather was warm and sunny, and as I looked out my kitchen window I could see all 3 kids inside the car, with the doors closed, windows up, spraying copious amounts of Windex on the windows and everywhere else. But hey, my car is kinda clean and they had fun.
It's always hard on Mother's Day for me when I think about my kids' birth moms and wondering how they are doing. I hope they know their kids think about them on this day, and well, every day really. But Mother's Day must be especially difficult for them. How do they answer the question from strangers.."Do you have kids?" What about all those store clerks who although well meaning, say "Happy Mothers Day" to every woman who looks like she should be a mom. It's gotta be tough. I know it was really tough for me before my first daughter came home when all I wanted to do was be able to celebrate Mother's Day as a mom.
Have you seen the movie "Hotel For Dogs"? We rented that on Friday night after an exhaustive search for bathing suits for my two daughters. (That's another long story!) I didn't realize a major part of the story line is that the two main characters are in foster care. Don Cheadle plays the role of their social worker and it was great to see his character portrayed as caring an sensitive. The foster parents certainly aren't the smartest people, but in the typical "everything works out in the end" story line, they provide entertaining adversaries for the kids. The movie also shows how difficult it is to place siblings, especially older ones, together and makes mention of the many moves kids in care make.
This week will prove to be another busy one with car maintenance today, vet appointment tomorrow, my daughter's 11th birthday tomorrow, dance practice for one child, soccer for two kids - different times, different fields, a hair appointment for me (yea!) and our respite care provider coming over Wed. after school to get prepped before...are you ready?...my husband and I go away for the long weekend without children!!! Yes, it's finally going to happen! Can't wait for Friday!
Friday, May 8, 2009
Overwhelmed with paperwork
Overwhelmed is a good way to describe how I feel when faced with all these upcoming assessments for my daughter. Yesterday in the mail I received a 15 page form to fill out for her October appointment with the child and adolescent psychiatrist. The day before that I received an 11 page form, as well as a 4 page child symptom inventory parent check list, 4 pages of consent forms, and of course the 4 page teacher check list and 5 page school reporting form.
It's so frustrating because by the time her appointments finally roll around, the information I filled out could be irrelevant. But such is the nature of assessments.
I dragged my husband to the recent appointment with the behaviorist. Not exactly my idea of "date night". Usually I go to all these appointments by myself or with the appropriate child or children in tow. This round, I'm taking him with me. So instead of me trying to tell him what the (fill in the blank) professional advice was while he's watching the hockey game, he gets to hear it first hand. What I don't understand is, when he hears the "fill in the blank" professional say something, he believes him or her. But if I just tell him what was said it has no credibility whatsoever. Another reason to drag him along to the appointments. But seriously, I was glad he was there and it doesn't make it seem so overwhelming when he's there with me. Plus we go to an adult oriented coffee shop before or after and have grown up hot beverages that come in real mugs and not take-away cups.
And speaking of hot beverages, check out the new poll and tell me your favorite.
It's so frustrating because by the time her appointments finally roll around, the information I filled out could be irrelevant. But such is the nature of assessments.
I dragged my husband to the recent appointment with the behaviorist. Not exactly my idea of "date night". Usually I go to all these appointments by myself or with the appropriate child or children in tow. This round, I'm taking him with me. So instead of me trying to tell him what the (fill in the blank) professional advice was while he's watching the hockey game, he gets to hear it first hand. What I don't understand is, when he hears the "fill in the blank" professional say something, he believes him or her. But if I just tell him what was said it has no credibility whatsoever. Another reason to drag him along to the appointments. But seriously, I was glad he was there and it doesn't make it seem so overwhelming when he's there with me. Plus we go to an adult oriented coffee shop before or after and have grown up hot beverages that come in real mugs and not take-away cups.
And speaking of hot beverages, check out the new poll and tell me your favorite.
New things happening
So many things happening with my job. I just haven't been keeping up with my blogging.
The biggest change is that I am now the AFABC Adoption Support Coordinator for the whole Interior region which includes the Kootenays, the Okanagan and the Thompson Caribou. Face-to-face support is usually the best way to support families, but given travel and geographical challenges we are finding new and innovative ways to support families who for various reasons can’t attend support groups. These include conference calls, blogging, Facebook groups, Skype, podcasts, etc. We are always looking for new and different ways to provide support.
Feel free to let me know better ways that we can support you!
The biggest change is that I am now the AFABC Adoption Support Coordinator for the whole Interior region which includes the Kootenays, the Okanagan and the Thompson Caribou. Face-to-face support is usually the best way to support families, but given travel and geographical challenges we are finding new and innovative ways to support families who for various reasons can’t attend support groups. These include conference calls, blogging, Facebook groups, Skype, podcasts, etc. We are always looking for new and different ways to provide support.
Feel free to let me know better ways that we can support you!
Coming Events for May 2009
Kelowna
ADOPTION BOOT CAMP
When: Wed. May 27,
Time: 6:30 PM – 8:30 PM
Where: 4091 Lakeshore Rd. Lutheran Church Library – use main entrance
Contact: Laura (250) 768-4348
Email: brentandlaura@firehall.com
TRUE COLOURS MENTORING
When: May 24: Cinquo de Mayo Celebration
Time: 1 PM – 4 PM
Where: 355 Hartman Rd. Rutland, Drop-in Fee: $5/child $15/family
Contact: Ola Szadiak
Email: ollayphant@yahoo.ca
Salmon Arm
ADOPTION SUPPORT GROUP
When: Wed. May 20
Time: 7 PM – 9 PM
Where: The Family Centre 181 Trans Canada Highway
Revelstoke
ADOPTION SUPPORT GROUP
When: Sat. May 30th
Time: 6:00 PM – 8:00 PM
Where: 343 B Sanderson Drive,
(kids are welcome)
Contact: Vanessa
Email: vmorrow@telus.net
Penticton
PLAYGROUP
When: Sun. May 31st, June 14th
Time: 1:00 PM – 3:00 PM
Where: Skaha Lake Park
Contact: Candy Benedetti
Email: raycandy@shaw.ca
Vernon
COFFEE AND CHAT
When: Thurs. May 14,
Time: 7 PM – 9 PM
Where: Bean To Cup 3903, 27 St.
Contact: Teresa (250) 545-2653
Email: tkisilevich@shaw.ca
Westbank
PLAYGROUP
When: Thurs. May 14,
Time: 10 AM - ?
Where: 3344 McIver Road, Westbank. Refreshments provided.
Contact: Laura (250) 768-4348
Email: brentandlaura@firehall.com
W. Kootenays
AEP TRAINING ENHANCEMENT SESSION
When: Next sessions are starting soon – contact your MCFD social worker to join us.
Time: 7:00 PM – 8:30 PM
Contact: Dianna Mortensen
Toll Free: 1-866-694-1222
Email: dmortensen@bcadopt.com
Nelson
TRUE COLOURS PLAYGROUP
A playgroup for families with children of colour, by adoption, fostering or birth.
When: Sat. May 9th,
Time: 1:00 PM – 3:30 PM
Where: Rosemont School Gym
1605 Crease Ave
Drop In Fee: $5/child or $15/family
Contact: Tam Mikel (250) 354-4535
Email: tamrekor@telus.net
Grand Forks
PLAY IN THE PARK
When: Sunday May 31st,
Time: 1:00 PM – 3:00 PM
Where: Grand Forks City Park
Please RSVP
Contact: Niki Hingley (250) 442-5671
Email: nickerboker70@gmail.com
E. Kootenays
AEP TRAINING ENHANCEMENT SESSION
When: Next sessions are starting soon – contact your MCFD social worker to join us.
Time: 7:00 PM – 8:30 PM
Contact: Dianna Mortensen
Toll Free: 1-866-694-1222
Email: dmortensen@bcadopt.com
ADOPTION BOOT CAMP
When: Wed. May 27,
Time: 6:30 PM – 8:30 PM
Where: 4091 Lakeshore Rd. Lutheran Church Library – use main entrance
Contact: Laura (250) 768-4348
Email: brentandlaura@firehall.com
TRUE COLOURS MENTORING
When: May 24: Cinquo de Mayo Celebration
Time: 1 PM – 4 PM
Where: 355 Hartman Rd. Rutland, Drop-in Fee: $5/child $15/family
Contact: Ola Szadiak
Email: ollayphant@yahoo.ca
Salmon Arm
ADOPTION SUPPORT GROUP
When: Wed. May 20
Time: 7 PM – 9 PM
Where: The Family Centre 181 Trans Canada Highway
Revelstoke
ADOPTION SUPPORT GROUP
When: Sat. May 30th
Time: 6:00 PM – 8:00 PM
Where: 343 B Sanderson Drive,
(kids are welcome)
Contact: Vanessa
Email: vmorrow@telus.net
Penticton
PLAYGROUP
When: Sun. May 31st, June 14th
Time: 1:00 PM – 3:00 PM
Where: Skaha Lake Park
Contact: Candy Benedetti
Email: raycandy@shaw.ca
Vernon
COFFEE AND CHAT
When: Thurs. May 14,
Time: 7 PM – 9 PM
Where: Bean To Cup 3903, 27 St.
Contact: Teresa (250) 545-2653
Email: tkisilevich@shaw.ca
Westbank
PLAYGROUP
When: Thurs. May 14,
Time: 10 AM - ?
Where: 3344 McIver Road, Westbank. Refreshments provided.
Contact: Laura (250) 768-4348
Email: brentandlaura@firehall.com
W. Kootenays
AEP TRAINING ENHANCEMENT SESSION
When: Next sessions are starting soon – contact your MCFD social worker to join us.
Time: 7:00 PM – 8:30 PM
Contact: Dianna Mortensen
Toll Free: 1-866-694-1222
Email: dmortensen@bcadopt.com
Nelson
TRUE COLOURS PLAYGROUP
A playgroup for families with children of colour, by adoption, fostering or birth.
When: Sat. May 9th,
Time: 1:00 PM – 3:30 PM
Where: Rosemont School Gym
1605 Crease Ave
Drop In Fee: $5/child or $15/family
Contact: Tam Mikel (250) 354-4535
Email: tamrekor@telus.net
Grand Forks
PLAY IN THE PARK
When: Sunday May 31st,
Time: 1:00 PM – 3:00 PM
Where: Grand Forks City Park
Please RSVP
Contact: Niki Hingley (250) 442-5671
Email: nickerboker70@gmail.com
E. Kootenays
AEP TRAINING ENHANCEMENT SESSION
When: Next sessions are starting soon – contact your MCFD social worker to join us.
Time: 7:00 PM – 8:30 PM
Contact: Dianna Mortensen
Toll Free: 1-866-694-1222
Email: dmortensen@bcadopt.com
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