"Has he started his new medication yet?"

That was the note in my son's planner yesterday from his teacher. This question will be added to my never-ending list of "Things I never thought I would be asked."

Such is life with a child (or two) with a diagnosis of ADHD. Each of two of my kids has a different version of ADHD. One has the typical "hyper" characteristics of ADHD. The other one has the "sneaky" characteristics of ADHD.

Once the meds start wearing off, usually around 3:30 or so, my son has great difficulty sitting still. He has to read for 20 minutes each day so I have him eat his afterschool snack while he's reading in hopes to get in on the tail end of the meds. By the time he actually gets his snack organized, finds his book, has hugged me a zillion times, told me all about how he learned to flip his friends over his shoulder at school, yada yada yada, he will finally sit down at the table across from me to do his reading. But does he sit up properly and read his book? Of course not. He slides down the chair, rocks back on it, lies across several chairs at once, gets up to check the timer, lies/sits upside down to read his book...you get the idea. And all this in 20 minutes.

My ADHD daughter however, will sit quietly and one would think she is working hard on her spelling assignment. It seems as if she's reading in the workbook, then writing things down in her duotang. But all the while she's pretending. She's very good at it. Obviously her meds wear off as well, but never consistently. Some days she can focus for most of the evening, and other days it's as if the meds aren't there at all. However she does focus well on little tiny things such as pulling a loose thread on her hoodie until the whole thing starts unravelling. Or finding a pair of scissors in her desk at school and cutting perfect little cuts into her clothes. And she has no recollection of these events. Some may call that lying, but I swear she could pass a polygraph exam. She is totally unaware of her behaviors at times. This has improved with age, and higher doses of meds, and she can now acknowledge that it could only be her that has done these things. That is a HUGE improvement. She struggles socially at school and I think that drains her of all energy. At least at home she doesn't have to pretend and try so hard to fit in. She must be exhausted after a day in a typical school classroom.

But I must stop blogging now and set the timer for my son's reading. Yes, it's 4:10 pm and he's been home since 2:55 pm. Welcome to my world.

Party 'til you puke!

No kids' birthday party is complete unless someone gets sick. And my youngest granddaughter didn't disappoint last night.

Little Eve turned one yesterday, and just before we were to sit down to dinner she decided to hurl all over my husband, (his precious Canucks jersey!), the blankets, the floor, herself, the cat...And it was a doozy! So disgusting. And her Dad has just walked in the door in time to see the performance. What a show!

When their first daughter, Nevaeh was born 4 1/2 years ago, Mike would dry heave just at the thought of changing a wet diaper. Literally dry heave. But he has come so far - I'm so impressed. He was there cleaning up the floor, taking all the smelly disgusting laundry down to the washer (and actually putting it in washer and starting the load!). The transformation for him has been amazing.

Our kids do that to us. Things we never thought we would be able to do, we manage to do for our children. Before my first daughter was born, I had never changed a poopy diaper in my life. Yes, even as a teenager who babysat tons of kids, I never had the "joy" of changing a poopy diaper. Yet when I first held my daughter at 5 days old, and I discovered all kinds of weird things that can come out of many different places on a baby, and it never ever bothered me.

Something else I never thought I could do was to be such a strong advocate for my kids. I always was the one in the back of the room hoping no one would notice me. That changes dramatically when we adopted a child of colour. No more blending in with the crowd of white parents with white kids who resemble each other. Especially in our small community we stood out. We had the "luxury" of adopting an infant and the time to get used to all of the looks, stares, comments, etc. before she was aware of what was happening.

I always knew I would do whatever it takes for my children, but as with all parenting, you never really know what is required of you until you're in the middle of it. "Whatever it takes" sounds easy when you're not yet a parent who has had to go through the years of infertility, waiting, getting permission from strangers to become a parent, etc. (You know - "you did it the easy way you adopted") Something about this process makes us adoptive parents even more determined than your average parent to not let anyone or anything stand between us and getting what our kids need. Don't get in our way, cause we'll take you DOWN!

And we will.

New Support Group - follow up

More thoughts on group identity...

Randomly I came across another article about conformity and how the pressure to conform affects everyone, and especially when it comes to forming into groups and starting to discriminate against others.

Understanding when we conform has all kinds of practical real-world benefits, depending on your aims: it can help you understand your own behaviour as well as understand how others will behave under a variety of different situational pressures.

Here are some of the factors that influence conformity (from www.spring.org.uk)

One of the most important factors affecting whether or not people conform is the size of the group around them. Maximum conformity is seen when groups reach between 3and 5 people. Add more people and it makes little difference, less than 3, though, and conformity is substantially reduced.

As soon as there's someone who disagrees, or even just dithers or can't decide, conformity is reduced.

One dastardly emotional technique for increasing conformity is using fear-then-relief. Make someone afraid of something, then relieve that fear, then they're more likely to do what you want.

Some people have more of a 'need for structure' and consequently are more likely to conform.

Some people have a greater need for liking from others so are more likely to conform.

When faced with an authority figure mere conformity can be transformed into obedience.

Hmmmm, very interesting. Especially in the context of discrimination and prejudice based on race. All these factors are definitely in play when I think about the KKK, Hitler, the Rwanda genocide, the sixties scoop of Aboriginal children...

And I suppose not everyone uses these factors for evil...but the leaders of the above mentioned groups, and many more, certainly do.

Any thoughts?

New Support Group

Yes, I've decided to start a new support group - just until the Olympics are over. It's for spouses of people addicted to watching the Olympics.

I will be the first member. My husband could watch the Olys all day long and not move from his chair unless it was to visit the washroom or to get food. Of course he is also the man who can sit through Hockey Night in Canada on Saturday nights which consists of 2 games for at least a total of 5 hours. And let's not forget that the household must stop whatever they are doing for 5 minutes of silence while Don Cherry speaks at the first intermission.

Now I'll admit I like watching the Olympics too. For short periods of time. Like when one of our local Olympians was competeing in the moguls on Saturday night. But hey, I can multitask. For me it's not an all or nothing thing. I can get up and do things and come back and watch parts of it, go do something else, return and watch. You get the idea.

I loved watching the openning ceremonies and I forbid anyone in the room to comment on how much this event was costing all of us while so many people were starving and without a warm place to sleep. But even watching that for 3 hours was a challenge for me.

Two of the kids were mad because I wouldn't take them to their elementary school Valentine's Dance instead of watching the ceremonies. For the record I have taken them to 6, yes 6, Valentine Dances at their school and the only thing that changes year after year is that the little kids get bigger. The boys spend the evening running around the gym chasing each other. The girls practice their dance moves. The kids consume massive quantities of treats while the parents are left with the veggies. The girls end up chasing the boys around the gym and into the change rooms. There's always loud music (do I sound like I'm getting old?) and the usual silent auction items and raffles to raise money for the PAC.

So this year I decided I would do what I wanted which was to watch the Olympics. But as the night went on and their ADHD meds wore off, I was beginning to question my choice. My son couldn't sit still if his life depended on it. My middle daughter was constantly checking the clock to see if it was snack time yet. And my older daughter had to sing along with all the songs and give her critique on the hair, the clothes, etc. throughout the performances. Another typical family night. Definitely still better than the Valentine's Dance.

Anyways, we've now had what, 5 days of Olympics? And still my husband is obsessed with flipping between the networks to see which event is being covered on which station, not wanting to miss anything. And Team Canada hasn't even played in men's hockey yet! We have to drag him away to join us at the dinner table.

Is anyone with me??

"We Are More" by Shane Koyczan

We Are More by Shane Koyczan

When defining Canada

you might list some statistics

you might mention our tallest building

or biggest lake

you might shake a tree in the fall

and call a red leaf Canada

you might rattle off some celebrities

might mention Buffy Sainte-Marie

might even mention the fact that we've got a few

Barenaked Ladies

or that we made these crazy things

like zippers

electric cars

and washing machines

when defining Canada

it seems the world's anthem has been

" been there done that"

and maybe that's where we used to be at

it's true

we've done and we've been

we've seen

all the great themes get swallowed up by the machine

and turned into theme parks

but when defining Canada

don't forget to mention that we have set sparks


we are not just fishing stories

about the one that got away

we do more than sit around and say "eh?"

and yes


we are the home of the Rocket and the Great One

who inspired little number nines

and little number ninety-nines

but we're more than just hockey and fishing lines

off of the rocky coast of the Maritimes

and some say what defines us

is something as simple as please and thank you

and as for you're welcome

well we say that too

but we are more

than genteel or civilized

we are an idea in the process

of being realized

we are young

we are cultures strung together

then woven into a tapestry

and the design

is what makes us more

than the sum total of our history

we are an experiment going right for a change

with influences that range from a to zed

and yes we say zed instead of zee

we are the colours of Chinatown and the coffee of Little Italy

we dream so big that there are those

who would call our ambition an industry

because we are more than sticky maple syrup and clean snow

we do more than grow wheat and brew beer

we are vineyards of good year after good year

we reforest what we clear

because we believe in generations beyond our own

knowing now that so many of us

have grown past what used to be

we can stand here today


filled with all the hope people have

when they say things like "someday"


someday we'll be great

someday we'll be this

or that

someday we'll be at a point

when someday was yesterday

and all of our aspirations will pay the way

for those who on that day

look towards tomorrow

and still they say someday


we will reach the goals we set

and we will get interest on our inspiration

because we are more than a nation of whale watchers and lumberjacks

more than backpacks and hiking trails

we are hammers and nails building bridges

towards those who are willing to walk across

we are the lost-and-found for all those who might find themselves at a loss

we are not the see-through gloss or glamour

of those who clamour for the failings of others

we are fathers brothers sisters and mothers

uncles and nephews aunts and nieces

we are cousins

we are found missing puzzle pieces

we are families with room at the table for newcomers

we are more than summers and winters

more than on and off seasons

we are the reasons people have for wanting to stay

because we are more than what we say or do

we live to get past what we go through


and learn who we are

we are students

students who study the studiousness of studying

so we know what as well as why

we don't have all the answers

but we try

and the effort is what makes us more

we don't all know what it is in life we're looking for

so keep exploring

go far and wide

or go inside but go deep

go deep

as if James Cameron was filming a sequel to The Abyss

and suddenly there was this location scout

trying to figure some way out

to get inside you

because you've been through hell and high water

and you went deep

keep exploring

because we are more

than a laundry list of things to do and places to see

we are more than hills to ski

or countryside ponds to skate

we are the abandoned hesitation of all those who can't wait

we are first-rate greasy-spoon diners and healthy-living cafes

a country that is all the ways you choose to live

a land that can give you variety

because we are choices

we are millions upon millions of voices shouting

" keep exploring... we are more"

we are the surprise the world has in store for you

it's true


Canada is the "what" in "what's new?"

so don't say "been there done that"

unless you've sat on the sidewalk

while chalk artists draw still lifes

on the concrete of a kid in the street

beatboxing to Neil Young for fun

don't say you've been there done that

unless you've been here doing it

let this country be your first-aid kit

for all the times you get sick of the same old same old

let us be the story told to your friends

and when that story ends

leave chapters for the next time you'll come back

next time pack for all the things

you didn't pack for the first time

but don't let your luggage define your travels

each life unravels differently

and experiences are what make up

the colours of our tapestry

we are the true north

strong and free

and what's more

is that we didn't just say it

we made it be.



Read more: http://www.timescolonist.com/news/More+Transcript+opening+ceremony+poem+Shane+Koyczan/2558526/story.html#ixzz0fdJjS70h

Frame of reference - stereotyping

If you've been able to attend our AFABC workshop called "Building Skills for Transracial Adoptive Parenting" you may recall at the beginning of session two we start off with a discussion of "Frame of reference" which always confuses the participants until we explain what we mean.

"Each of us has a frame of reference, a window through which we view and interact with the world. Generally, until human beings have the opportunity to learn otherwise, they assume that other people look at the world just as they do, i.e. everyone has similar values and everyone is motivated for the same reasons.

Some of us come from groups that we are told from day one we are different, eg; you are Black/First Nations/Indian/Asian/ Female/Disabled etc. Others come from groups that are taken for granted, so that they do not see themselves as members of the group or how deeply influenced they are by it. For example, being white, being male, being middle class. These elements and many more help to form our values."

By this point in the discussion the participants are starting to understand the concept, and can identify some of the groups to which they unknowingly belong, such as being a middle child, where they were born, what their religious beliefs are, etc.

So when I recently read an article on Social Identity Theory and why groups and prejudices form so easily, I thought it would be interesting to pass along.

Social identity theory states that our identities are formed through the groups to which we belong. As a result we are motivated to improve the image and status of our own group in comparison with others. Here's a classic social psychology experiment shows how little excuse people need to form into groups and start discriminating against others.

Participants, who were 14 and 15 year-old boys, were brought into the lab and shown slides of paintings by Klee and Kandinsky. They were told their preferences for the paintings would determine which of two groups they would join.

Of course, this was a lie designed to set up the idea of 'us' and 'them' in their minds. The experimenters wanted two groups of boys with not the faintest idea who was also in their own group or what the grouping meant or what they had to lose or gain.

After this setup, the boys were taken to a cubicle, one at a time. Each was then asked to distribute virtual money to the other members of both groups. The only information they had about who they were giving it to was a code number for each boy and that boy's group membership.

There were a series of rules for the distribution of the money that were designed to tease out who the boys favoured: their own group or the other group. The rules were changed slightly in different trials so that it was possible to test a number of theories. Did the boys distribute the money:

■Fairly?
■To obtain maximum joint profit?
■For maximum ingroup (own group) profit?
■For maximum difference between groups?
■Using favouritism? This involves a combination of maximum ingroup profit and maximum difference?

Startling findings
From the way the virtual money was distributed, the boys did indeed demonstrate the classic behavioural markers of group membership: they favoured their own group over the other.

Remember, the boys had no idea who was in their group 'with them' or who was in the other group. But, the most puzzling aspect of this experiment is that the boys had nothing whatsoever to gain from favouring their own group - there didn't seem to be anything riding on their decisions.

Out in the real world there's a good reason to favour your own group - normally it is also advantageous to yourself. You protect yourself by protecting others like you.


Seen in the light of social identity theory, the boys in the experiment do have a reason to be selfish about the allocation of the virtual cash. It is all about boosting their own identities through making their own group look better.

Criticisms
There are two criticisms often levelled at this experiment and its interpretation:

1.The participant's behaviour can be explained by simple economic self-interest. But: in another experiment only symbols were used rather than 'virtual' money and the results were the same.
2.The participants were responding to what they thought the experimenters wanted (psychologists call this 'demand characteristics'). But: it is unclear to the participants what the experimenters wanted. Recall that the rules for distributing money frequently changed. Also, the participants were encouraged to think that choosing whose paintings they liked (the 'first' experiment) was unrelated to the allocation of virtual money (the 'second' experiment).

This experiment shows that group membership is so important to us that we join the most ephemeral of groups with only the slightest prompting. We will then go out of our way to make our own group look better compared to others.

The simple fact of how important group membership is to us, and how easily we join groups, often without realising it, is both a subtle and profound observation about human nature.


From: www.spring.org.uk

"Newborns Don’t Bond Immediately with their Mothers"

I found this article on a UK website and of course I thought of it in regards to adoption. (www.spring.org.uk)

"A misconception often entertained by rookie psychology students is that babies develop a very quick psychological connection to their mothers, perhaps within hours or days of birth.

The reality is, though, that babies don't have much of a clue what's going on right after birth. Although mother (and father) are likely to very quickly form close attachments to their offspring, from the baby's perspective it takes longer, much longer.


In fact it usually takes infants until they're about 2 or 3 months old before they show a strong preference for a particular caregiver. While a baby is primed for social interaction soon after birth, its abilities are pretty limited. Here's the timeline (from Simpson, 1999):

■After 16 hours babies prefer the sound of human language to other noises (at least they start making rhythmic body movements which psychologists assume means they're excited). But they don't show any preference for particular voices.
■After 2 days babies can tell the difference between their mothers' faces and that of a stranger, but they still appear to show no preference.
■After 3 days babies clearly prefer human voices, especially their mother's.
■After 3-5 weeks babies become especially interested in faces, and particularly in their mother's eyes.

Overall, though, the preference for the mother (or other caregiver) is usually fairly weak at first. Real communication from the baby's perspective probably doesn't begin until they're about 3 or 4 months old. At around that time they start to initiate social contact with their mothers. Only between about 3 and 7 months of age do babies start to show a strong preference for members of their own family.

Roots of the misconception
This misconception that babies become attached to their mothers very quickly may stem from the study of other animals. Famously ducks and geese will 'imprint on' and follow around the first thing they see after they hatch. Konrad Lorenz, a pioneer in ethology (animal psychology) found that newly born geese would imprint on him, then try to follow him everywhere, as though he were their mother.

Babies are much more fickle and probably wouldn't follow you anywhere, even if they could.

...this so-called critical period turns out not to be that critical at all.The misconception might also stem from a confusion with research from the 1970s that found there was a critical 'sensitive period' shortly after birth that was particularly important for bonding between mother and baby. Again, this research refers to the mother's bonding with the baby and not vica versa. Also, as later researchers have pointed out, this so-called critical period turns out not to be that critical at all.

What do you think?

Birth Mother Retreat Information

"In Disaster's Wake"

This is a great article to help your child regain her sense of security when current events trigger hidden fears.

http://www.adoptivefamilies.com/articles.php?aid=2032

A big SHOUT OUT to Ola Zuri Szadiak

Welcome to an exciting month filled with activities celebrating a people of colour! It is Black History Month this month and there is plenty to see and do!

The Kelowna Immigrant Society, a non-profit agency, is proud to join with communities across Canada in celebration of Kelowna's second annual Black History Month in a week of celebration commencing February 15-26, 2010.

For two weeks, Kelowna will extend its hospitality to meet, greet and hear Black novelists, poets, biographer, historian, playwright, storyteller, children's authors and artist as they span across the city visiting the Kelowna Library, schools, gallery and other institutions as these modern day wordsmiths weaved their stories using the lushness of language, the gift of creativity that reminds us that the written word is indeed important for the retention of memory.

I have been invited to contribute in the Black History Month Celebrations across Kelowna and as an author who has messages of empowerment and inspiration to bring to all children, I am very pleased to be introducing the people in our community, the educators, families, and, of course, the children to this book, and the series to come, with topics relating to transracial adoption, adoption, racism, fitting in, foster care, questions about family, racial identity, and most of all, building a positive self esteem and positive self confidence in children.

Having said that, I welcome everyone to come out for another great day of friends, food, games, mentors, crafts, and tons of fun!! Mark your calendars for this coming Sunday, February 14, 2010, from 1 pm - 4 pm at the Boys and Girls Club in Rutland, on Hartman Road. The schedule has been attached for you to print off and keep on your fridge for the dates of all the sessions planed for this year. Our February session is going to be a Black History Month Celebration.

I look forward to this Sunday to join the kids in the fun and I can't wait to see you all! If you know of any friends, or family members, that want to come out and join our group, please feel free to invite them to tag along with you on Sunday! The more, the better!

Any questions, concerns, ideas, or you need to talk, please do! See you soon!





Ola Zuri
Children's Author, Mentor
www.blackoasisent.blogspot.com
"A place for the healing to start"
Unit 14, 440 Yates Road
Kelowna, BC V1V 2P1
250 860 7553
250 826 1256

"Three Little Words - A Memoir" by Ashley Rhodes-Courter

Have you read this yet? I just picked it up at the library last week and I couldn't put it down. It's a fairly quick read, but not always an easy one.

Ashley started her life in foster care at the age of 3, and by 6th grade she had the following people involved in her life:
73 child welfare administrators
44 child welfare caseworkers
19 foster parents
23 attorneys
17 psychologists, psychiatrists and therapists
5 guardian ad litem staff
4 judges
4 court personnel
3 abuse registry workers
2 primary case workers
1 guardian ad litem

She notes that out of the 195 people listed above, only two of them were UNPAID volunteers - yet they were the two people who made the greatest difference in her life.

Her story is an amazing one; it touches on attachment, abuse, trauma, grief and loss, openness, birth family, advocacy, siblings, institutionalization,difficult information, multiple caregivers and many other issues that affect us as adoptive parents, and our children as adoptees.

And the "Three Little Words" are not the three little words you are probably thinking of.

My head hurts...

I came down to my "fortress of solitude" aka my home office, to get some work done. The past few work days have been insane with meetings, kid appointments, and computer battles. Tonight's plan was to get busy on all the backed up emails, grant requests, stats, etc. I've been down here for almost an hour and very little has actually been accomplished and I'm getting very very frustrated.

First of all, my computer seems to be taking it's own sweet time in processing things and despite my internet connection saying "signal strength excellent", it's in s-l-o-w m-o-t-i-o-n.

Secondly, my son and my daughter are battling in the tv room and I keep hearing shouts of "shut up!" and "Stupid".

Then my son comes in to my office nearly in tears until he stubs his toe on a metal picture frame that was laying on the floor and was then officially in tears. While I waited for him to recover and tried to access the internet via my email, he then starts going on about how he wants to play video games and his sister won't let him. "What can you do?", I ask. He comes up with various solutions that include his pathetic attempt to make me feel sorry for him that he doesn't have any new games to play on his own DS so he is forced to play video games on the Wii that is attached to the tv that his sister insists on watching yet another re-run of Suite Life on Deck or Wizards of Waverly Place. (Are you getting tears in your eyes as you feel his pain?) Pluuuhese.

Finally out of frustration I told him that he could ask her if she wants to finish watching the show that's on now and when it's over he gets his turn for half an hour to play his game, or he could play now for half an hour and then she gets to choose the show. He seemed happy with that. Problem solved, right?

Wrong! She then stomps into her bedroom which is next door to my office and proceeds to rant about why she can't watch any tv. I repeat (through the wall cause I don't want to get up) what I said to him, and then she yells at her brother "You're such a liar, that's not what mom said!" So he comes running out of the tv room almost in tears (again/still) "You said I could play it for 30 minutes." In my less-than-patient-mom voice I say, "Half an hour is 30 minutes." (And I refrained from adding the sarcastic thought I really wanted to say).

I just get focused on work again and my daughter calls me to help her with something. Silly me, I thought it was homework. No, it was how to save a new photo of herself on her Facebook page. (For that I got up out of my chair??).

And now, as I sit here typing this, the two of them are actually getting along playing a video game together. I give up.

"Unrepentant - Kevin Annett and Canada's Genocide"

This is a very important video to watch, but also a very difficult one to watch. It is about a Reverend from the United Church in Port Alberni, BC who spoke out against the atrocities the church had (and still does) committed during residential school. He was fired without cause and has been harassed ever since.

**WINNER: BEST INTERNATIONAL DOCUMENTARY - 2006 LOS ANGELES INDEPENDENT FILM FESTIVAL. **WINNER: BEST DIRECTOR for an INTERNATIONAL DOCUMENTARY - 2006 NEW YORK INTERNATIONAL FILM FESTIVAL. (excerpt) "...This documentary reveals Canada's darkest secret - the deliberate extermination of indigenous (Native American) peoples and the theft of their land under the guise of religion. This never before told history as seen through the eyes of this former minister (Kevin Annett) who blew the whistle on his own church, after he learned of thousands of murders in its Indian Residential Schools..." www.video.google.ca/videoplay?docid=-6637396204037343133&ei=wfNtS7GlMaqIqAOQl_TIBg&q=genocide&hl=en&view=3#


">

In today's episode of "He said, She said"....

...we return to our usual cast of characters. You may remember the long suffering school bus driver, the FASD ADHD 11 year old girl, and of course her 9 year old ADHD brother. When we last left this trio, we were concerned about the sanity of the bus driver and the 11 year old with her newly acquired whistle.

As fate would have it, (or perhaps her teacher) the whistle seems to have disappeared. Ours is not to question the role of fate. Only to appreciate it.

All was well on the bus ride home until the 11 year old decided to tell her friends that her and her brother enjoy playing a certain Wii game. Perhaps this is a secret code known only to her and her brother, but clearly it was the signal for another round of "I'm going to make up things about you to tell to all your friends".

Her: When he was little, he called chicken nuggets chicken fingers. Ha ha ha ha ha.

Him: So, at least I don't still pee the bed and have to wear diapers.

Her: No I don't. You do.

Him: You're such an idiot.

Note: In the interest of time and sanity, I have only reported on a few of the lines. I also cannot verify the accuracy of the wording as the school bus driver was not available for comment. (Something about stress leave??)

As the siblings approached their home they decided to race each other to see who could tattle to mom first. She made it in the door first and proceeded to speak in a language that sounded similar to English but was spoken at such speed that it was impossible to understand. Meanwhile, he enters the house and slams the door and starts on his rant.

The ever patient mother stands there in a daze waiting for the perfect moment to interject with her never-ending pearls of wisdom that will calm all the combatants and convince them to never repeat this scene.

Soon it becomes evident that the ever patient mother is a fraud! Mom's not really all that patient when this same scene is replayed time and time again and the main characters fail to learn from the previous experience.

Mom to daughter: Are you allowed to tell stories about your brother without his permission?

Her: No, but he started it.

Him: No I didn't, you said I called chicken nuggets chicken fingers and I didn't.

Mom to daughter in a firmer voice: Are you allowed to tell stories about your brother without his permission?

Her: Noooooo.....

Mom to son: Are you allowed to tell stories about your sister without her permission?

Him: No, but she makes me so mad (stomping feet)

Her(interrupting mom): He always tells people I pee my bed and have to wear diapers.

Mom to son(quickly losing whatever is left of her patience): Next time your sister says something about you, whether it's true or not, you are not going to say something back about your sister, you're going to control yourself, sit quietly and tell me about it when you get home.

Mom to daughter (quickly losing whatever is left of her patience): Next time your brother says something about you, whether it's true or not, you are not going to say something back about your brother, you're going to control yourself, sit quietly and tell me about it when you get home.

Mom ignores both children saying: But he, but she, and then he, and then she

Mom repeats her previous instructions to both children and has them repeat it back to her.

As the brother and sister start heading for the fridge, mom wonders if she should consume the last 4 Oreos before the kids find them in the pantry.

As this episode draws to a close, mom looks towards the camera, sighs and heads to the pantry.