I wish the real world would just stop hasseling me..

Yesterday was one of those days. It started fine - I was getting lots accomplished with work, I took a break and went for a run, came back, things were going along fine.

Then it was time to meet my husband to attend the memorial service for the wife of a collegue of his. I had met this woman a few times and she was very nice and friendly, but I didn't know her well at all. So I didn't really think the service would affect me too much and I only grabbed a few tissues as I left the car. I should have brought the whole box! What is wrong with me? I barely knew this woman but I was a mess. It was a total waste of makeup.

I had to leave before the end of the service to get home in time to meet the kids after school and I was exhausted and overwhelmed. All I wanted to do was climb into bed and sleep for 12 hours. But of course, that's not an option. Then I absolutely lost it with one of my kids for something that I normally would have handled just fine. I wouldn't shut up, I just kept blabbing and blabbing. Finally I did shut up and walk away.

Realizing what a freak I was being, I changed into my most comfortable, sloppy clothes and went to sit outside and read my MORE magazine. Top 40 Beauty Tips, such as "a magnifying mirror is a must-have". Too scary. "Always adhere to the shelf life noted on your makeup products." I still have eyeshadow from at least 5 years ago. It's not as if I have all these fancy red carpet events to attend that require full make-up.

As I'm finishing the article, my oldest comes outside and asks me to help her with an old dresser we had planned to refinish. So for the next 45 min. or so I helped her with the paint stripping and it's just the two of us while the other two watched tv and had their snacks. It was the best therapy ever. Spending time, one on one, with my most typically developing child and having normal conversations about her friends and school and sports was just what I needed. It reminded me how important it is for me to have that "normal" relationship and feel that connection to her, just as it is for my kids who are more challenged (and challenging!). I needed to be just an ordinary mom, with an ordinary kid, who isn't perfect. But for 45 minutes I didn't have to be someone else's brain for them. I didn't have to think about all the crazy inappropriate stuff that she might do with the paint stripper if I left the workshop to get something from the house. I could give her more than one instruction at a time and she could follow it.

Sometimes we forget how much we need that reciprocity from our kids. Maybe it's not that we forget it, but it gets pushed aside in our constant attempts to keep our kids who struggle, on track. We need that "normal" relationship with our kids too. And for our kids who are developing typically, they can get lost in our constant vigilence of the ones who struggle. And it's ok to need that.