Ya coulda done better...

Ever have one of those days where you wish you could just instantly zap yourself somewhere else, anywhere else? The other day I was standing in line at the drug store with a shopping buggy full of toilet paper and feminine hygiene products. I looked like crap cause I had been desperately cleaning my house before the respite provider got there and the kids came home from school, before we left for our weekend away. Actually I looked worse than crap. Picture if you will; stretched out, pilled and stained yoga pants with underwear lines showing no doubt, baggy t-shirt, ball cap, no makeup, flat hair, etc. Not looking my best. And then it happened...

"Is that you?", I heard from behind me. So I turn around, and yes it was him. The guy I went to my high school prom with. And he's dressed nicely, looks good, and he smells good as he gives me a hug. I closed my eyes. When I opened them I was still there. He proceeded to introduce me to an absolutely stunning woman, dressed perfectly with perfect makeup and perfect hair. And no, he couldn't just say I was a friend from high school, no no no. He introduced me as his date for grad. There was a pause, and she looked at him and her face said it all.."Ya coulda done better". Sigh.

Why is it we never "run in to" those people when we look great and our kids are all getting along? Why can't they see how great we're doing? I mean really, it's not like I actually care what he and Miss Perfect think cause I honestly don't. But just once I'd like it to happen.

I have so given up on worrying what other people think. I think once you have a child or children with special needs, especially the invisible special needs, you get used to being on display pretty quickly. And being a transracial family we are all very used to people noticing us. From the not-so-age-appropriate meltdowns in public places, to the kid who can't sit still for 5 seconds in the restaurant. There are very few cases where I actually care what complete strangers think about us.

What I do have more trouble with though, is people that we just know a little bit. Whether it's chatting at school with other parents or seeing someone we know in a store or on the street. When one or more of my kids start doing the things they do, there are times when I feel like I should almost explain to these people that I hardly know, the reason my kids are behaving the way they do. Yet the other side of my brain tells me to shut up cause those other people will never understand what our lives are like and I don't want them to know all that information about my kids anyways. Fortunately, the smarter side of my brain usually kicks in and I shut up.

For me I worry that people are judging my kids, by my kids' behaviors. Cause if I was a good mom, my kids would know by now that wearing your underwear on the outside of your clothes is not cool. Or if I was a good mom I could stop them from pushing each other off the top of the slide. "Walk a mile in my shoes honey", that's what I want to say when I get the "look" from other parents. But I don't. I just do what I need to do for my kids, what works for them. These other parents will also never be able to appreciate the great successes my kids have either. So what if they didn't learn to read until grade 3. They love reading now. My skin is much thicker than it used to be before I became an adoptive mom.

A friend of mine told me about her kids asking her why she talked like a nice mom only when other people were around. They call it her "nice mom voice". Ha! I have a nice mom voice too. Don't we all?