GROUNDBREAKING STUDY PROVIDES IMPORTANT NEW INSIGHTS ON IDENTITY ISSUES IN ADOPTION
NEW YORK, Nov. 9, 2009 - The Evan B. Donaldson Adoption Institute today released a major study on identity formation for adopted persons, a groundbreaking work that provides significant new information and insights that can be used to improve laws, policies and practices – as well as public understanding – on a range of issues relating to adoption, particularly across racial lines.
The study, launched with funding from the Kellogg Foundation, is the centerpiece of a 113-page report entitled "Beyond Culture Camp: Promoting Positive Identity Formation in Adoption." It is the broadest, most extensive examination of adult adoptive identity to date, based on input from the primary experts on the subject: adults who were adopted as children. Central findings include:
Adoption becomes an increasingly significant aspect of identity for most adopted people – and race/ethnicity grows in importance for adoptees of color – throughout childhood and into adulthood. These findings raise questions about some current attitudes, practices and policies predicated on the notion that these factors diminish in importance after adolescence.
Adoption-related teasing and bias are a reality for many adoptees, but more so for Whites – who experienced the most negative behavior and comments from extended family and childhood friends. Race trumped adoption for adopted persons of color; i.e., a large majority experienced race-based discrimination rather than (or in addition to) adoption-related negativity.
A significant majority of transracially adopted adults reported considering themselves to be or wanting to be White as children – a stark message to parents and professionals, though most eventually grew to identify themselves as members of their racial/ethnic group (in this case, Korean Americans). Even as adults, a minority have not reconciled their racial identity.
The most effective strategies for achieving positive identity formation are "lived experiences" – in particular, travel to native country and attending racially diverse schools for the transracial adoptees, and contact with birth relatives for Whites adopted domestically. A majority of adopted adults in both categories said they had searched for their roots in some way.
Among the key recommendations, based on this research, are:
Expand preparation and post-placement support for parents adopting across race and culture.
Develop empirically based practices and resources to prepare transracially and transculturally adopted youth to cope with racial bias.
Promote laws, policies and practices that facilitate access to information for adopted individuals.
Educate parents, teachers, practitioners and the media about adoption's realities to erase stigmas and stereotypes, minimize adoption-related bias, and improve children's experiences.
"Tens of millions of people in our country are already directly connected to adoption, and tens of thousands of additional children are waiting for permanent families," said Adam Pertman, the Adoption Institute's Executive Director. "Our goal for this research is ambitious: to improve all their lives in practical ways today – even as we utilize the new information and insights from the findings to make adoption itself an increasingly knowledge-based, healthy and ethical institution into the future."
The survey at the core of this research was completed by 468 adult adoptees (making it, to our knowledge, the largest study of adoption identity in adults to date in the U.S.). For comparison purposes, we focused on the two largest, most homogenous cohorts within the total group: 179 Korean-born respondents and 156 American-born Caucasian respondents, all adopted by two White parents. It is noteworthy that 1 in 10 of all Korean American citizens came to this country by adoption.
While one cohort of transracial adoptees (Korean Americans) is at the heart of the study, it is important to note that an extensive Adoption Institute review of decades of relevant literature (Appendix I), as well as the Institute's examination of transracial adoption from foster care (see "Finding Homes for African American Children" at http://www.adoptioninstitute.org/research/2008_05_mepa.php), make clear that many of the findings and recommendations in this new report apply to other domestically and internationally adopted persons and families as well.
The Evan B. Donaldson Adoption Institute is an independent, nonpartisan, national nonprofit that is the pre-eminent research, policy and education organization in its field. Its mission is to "provide leadership that improves laws, policies and practices - through sound research, education and advocacy - in order to better the lives of everyone touched by adoption."
For more information about "Beyond Culture Camp" or to schedule an interview with Executive Director Adam Pertman, email apertman@adoptioninstitute.org or call 617-763-0134. To read or download a copy of the report, go to http://www.adoptioninstitute.org/research/2009_11_culture_camp.php
Welcome to the AFABC Interior Region Blog. Check back here often for resources, events, and discussions on contemporary adoption issues.
Thursday, December 3, 2009
Tuesday, December 1, 2009
Day 2...
And welcome to day two...Yes, it feels almost like rehab would feel (if I had actually been to rehab, which, just for the record, I haven't).
Day two of my plan to get my personal stuff in order. Things have been extremely stressful around our house for the last month or two (or three, four...). We've been having a very very tough time with one of our kids, and that is part of the reason why I haven't been blogging. (If I started blogging about it all, you'd probably have me locked away somewhere - also, not unlike rehab..)
And as my history clearly shows, when I am stressed I eat. And I eat stuff I know I shouldn't eat, but it's how I've always dealt with anxiety and stress. But since the stress isn't going away anytime soon, and since I am doing a wonderful job of gaining back the 15 pounds I lost a year ago, it's time for an intervention.
Sunday was my daughter's 11th birthday and I made this fabulously delicious ice cream cake. You know the kind - chocolate wafer crust, Oreo ice cream in the middle, chocolate sauce on top of that, and of course, whip cream is the final layer. So as my adult step daughter and I are savouring the dessert of our dreams, we were also acknowledging our pathetic and futile attempts to lose weight. (Gee, I wonder why...) She's in her 30's and is just starting to notice how the weight doesn't come off as fast in her 30's after she's had her second baby. And I'm in my 40's (Ok, well in to my 40's) and although I haven't given birth, I have always struggled with losing weight.
So we came up with a plan. We're both going to write down every single thing we eat every day, eat smaller meals and snacks through the day, drink lots of water, and phone each other every day to check in and keep each other motivated. At the end of the month, whoever has followed this the most consistently will be rewarded with a free evening of babysitting by the other one. And, at the end of three months, which will be February, we'll celebrate our losses by going shopping for a whole day.
I have to admit February seems like a very very long way away. But I keep telling myself "one day at a time" (again, like rehab). The really frustrating part is that I know what I have to do, which is work out regularly and eat properly. But when I've made it through another day of parenting a challenging child, or two, or three, the food calls to me. Must...be...strong...ignore...the fridge.
And I have to admit that I do feel soooo much better when I eat properly. Which means I can handle the stress better too. So if you have any tips to help, or wise words to keep me motivated, let me know. Soon. Before I hear the peanut butter calling my name.
Day two of my plan to get my personal stuff in order. Things have been extremely stressful around our house for the last month or two (or three, four...). We've been having a very very tough time with one of our kids, and that is part of the reason why I haven't been blogging. (If I started blogging about it all, you'd probably have me locked away somewhere - also, not unlike rehab..)
And as my history clearly shows, when I am stressed I eat. And I eat stuff I know I shouldn't eat, but it's how I've always dealt with anxiety and stress. But since the stress isn't going away anytime soon, and since I am doing a wonderful job of gaining back the 15 pounds I lost a year ago, it's time for an intervention.
Sunday was my daughter's 11th birthday and I made this fabulously delicious ice cream cake. You know the kind - chocolate wafer crust, Oreo ice cream in the middle, chocolate sauce on top of that, and of course, whip cream is the final layer. So as my adult step daughter and I are savouring the dessert of our dreams, we were also acknowledging our pathetic and futile attempts to lose weight. (Gee, I wonder why...) She's in her 30's and is just starting to notice how the weight doesn't come off as fast in her 30's after she's had her second baby. And I'm in my 40's (Ok, well in to my 40's) and although I haven't given birth, I have always struggled with losing weight.
So we came up with a plan. We're both going to write down every single thing we eat every day, eat smaller meals and snacks through the day, drink lots of water, and phone each other every day to check in and keep each other motivated. At the end of the month, whoever has followed this the most consistently will be rewarded with a free evening of babysitting by the other one. And, at the end of three months, which will be February, we'll celebrate our losses by going shopping for a whole day.
I have to admit February seems like a very very long way away. But I keep telling myself "one day at a time" (again, like rehab). The really frustrating part is that I know what I have to do, which is work out regularly and eat properly. But when I've made it through another day of parenting a challenging child, or two, or three, the food calls to me. Must...be...strong...ignore...the fridge.
And I have to admit that I do feel soooo much better when I eat properly. Which means I can handle the stress better too. So if you have any tips to help, or wise words to keep me motivated, let me know. Soon. Before I hear the peanut butter calling my name.
Every Child Deserves a Home
If you have a few minutes, cut and paste the link to read the full article that was just released from The Adoption Council of Canada.
Children who have a government as their parent, no matter how well-intentioned or necessary that arrangement is, are often damaged by it. The evidence of this harm is extensive and consistent. It’s time we made it a priority in Canada to find permanent homes for children and youth in the care of child welfare agencies.
This November marks the 20th anniversary of the United Nations Convention on the Rights of the Child, which is ratified by 193 countries, including Canada. Signatories of the Convention recognize that “the child, for the full and harmonious development of his or her personality,should grow up in a family environment, in an atmosphere of happiness, love and understanding.” Yet each year in Canada, of the estimated 30 000 to 40 000 children in care who are legally available for adoption, only 2300 are adopted on average. Most children “age out” of the system without permanent families.
The cost is high. Youth in care are 17 times more likely to be hospitalized for mental health issues than the general public,according to Kids, Care and Crime, a report published in February 2009 by British Columbia’s representative of children
and youth and the provincial health officer. By 21 years of age, 41% of children and youth in care have been in contact with the justice system, compared to only 6.6% of the general population in the same age group. Of those in contact with the justice system, 72% have been reported, while in school, to have had serious mental illness, behavioural problems or fetal alcohol spectrum disorders.
This is not the case for most children who are adopted from care. Over time and with effective post-adoption support,most adoptees become attached to their new families
and their problems diminish. Their quality of life improves, along with their sense of self.
www.adoption.ca/Canadian%20Medical%20Journal%20Editorial%20Nov%202009.pdf
Children who have a government as their parent, no matter how well-intentioned or necessary that arrangement is, are often damaged by it. The evidence of this harm is extensive and consistent. It’s time we made it a priority in Canada to find permanent homes for children and youth in the care of child welfare agencies.
This November marks the 20th anniversary of the United Nations Convention on the Rights of the Child, which is ratified by 193 countries, including Canada. Signatories of the Convention recognize that “the child, for the full and harmonious development of his or her personality,should grow up in a family environment, in an atmosphere of happiness, love and understanding.” Yet each year in Canada, of the estimated 30 000 to 40 000 children in care who are legally available for adoption, only 2300 are adopted on average. Most children “age out” of the system without permanent families.
The cost is high. Youth in care are 17 times more likely to be hospitalized for mental health issues than the general public,according to Kids, Care and Crime, a report published in February 2009 by British Columbia’s representative of children
and youth and the provincial health officer. By 21 years of age, 41% of children and youth in care have been in contact with the justice system, compared to only 6.6% of the general population in the same age group. Of those in contact with the justice system, 72% have been reported, while in school, to have had serious mental illness, behavioural problems or fetal alcohol spectrum disorders.
This is not the case for most children who are adopted from care. Over time and with effective post-adoption support,most adoptees become attached to their new families
and their problems diminish. Their quality of life improves, along with their sense of self.
www.adoption.ca/Canadian%20Medical%20Journal%20Editorial%20Nov%202009.pdf
Saturday, November 28, 2009
Eye contact...
So I stop by the school the other morning around 9:15 to drop off something for my daughter. And of course her class room is at the far end of the school and although I considered asking the secretary to deliver it for me, I dreaded seeing the look on her face that says "What, are your legs broken?" So I slink off down the hall avoiding the little munchkins that are so cute all lined up waiting to go the library. (I remember those days, when my kids were happy to see me at the school and the other secretary would have delivered the note for me.)
I slip the note into my daughter's lunch bag and as I prepare to make a hasty exit, my son's teacher spots me. (Don't make eye contact, don't make eye contact, don't make eye contact, I keep saying to myself). But she waits for me, so I suck it up and put on my nice-mom face.
"I wondering if you've been to see his doctor's lately?" she politely inquires.
"Yes, just last week.'
"Oh, because I've been really noticing his inability to sit and focus on his work."
"Well he's at the max. dosage for his meds, and we're keeping an eye on him, but please let me know if he's causing too many problems and isn't getting his work done."
"It's not that he's causing problems, and all the kids love him, it's just he could be doing so much better if he could sit still long enough to follow the directions and complete his work."
I'm thinking to myself, once again, that it's a good thing he's cute and charming. (My son, not the teacher)
"Please let me know if he's behind in anything." as I try to leave. Not that easy. I then have to listen to the story of how although the class just cleaned out their desks the day before, my son's looks like a tornado rammed through it. Yada, yada, yada. He's ADHD. I'd be surprised if his desk WAS clean.
Finally I escape the well intentioned teacher, because she really is well intentioned, and very nice too. I suggested that what works best with my son, is getting him to tidy his desk every day, because that's how we try to keep his room under control. And she did appreciate the suggestion. Really.
I slip the note into my daughter's lunch bag and as I prepare to make a hasty exit, my son's teacher spots me. (Don't make eye contact, don't make eye contact, don't make eye contact, I keep saying to myself). But she waits for me, so I suck it up and put on my nice-mom face.
"I wondering if you've been to see his doctor's lately?" she politely inquires.
"Yes, just last week.'
"Oh, because I've been really noticing his inability to sit and focus on his work."
"Well he's at the max. dosage for his meds, and we're keeping an eye on him, but please let me know if he's causing too many problems and isn't getting his work done."
"It's not that he's causing problems, and all the kids love him, it's just he could be doing so much better if he could sit still long enough to follow the directions and complete his work."
I'm thinking to myself, once again, that it's a good thing he's cute and charming. (My son, not the teacher)
"Please let me know if he's behind in anything." as I try to leave. Not that easy. I then have to listen to the story of how although the class just cleaned out their desks the day before, my son's looks like a tornado rammed through it. Yada, yada, yada. He's ADHD. I'd be surprised if his desk WAS clean.
Finally I escape the well intentioned teacher, because she really is well intentioned, and very nice too. I suggested that what works best with my son, is getting him to tidy his desk every day, because that's how we try to keep his room under control. And she did appreciate the suggestion. Really.
Friday, November 27, 2009
A HUGE SHOUT OUT...
To all my fabulous volunteers who made all the November events such a success.
In Kamloops - big thanks to Susan and Sandra for their help in organizing our revival of the "Famous Spaghetti Dinner". Big thanks to Deanna for providing the craft supplies for all the little ones (and not-so-little ones) that kept them busy so the parents could actually have a complete conversation. It was fabulous food and a great location at TRU complete with Christmas lights and a little tree. I had a great time meeting families I hadn't met before, catching up with ones I had, and of course seeing how much some of their kids have grown. How does that happen? Thank you MCFD for helping fund this event for our families.
In Kelowna we had another fabulous (my new word, have you noticed?)event at the McMillan Farms pumpkin patch with lots of sunshine and lots of fun. Thanks to MCFD and the Adoption Centre for helping to fund this event. And of course to my husband for agreeing to bbq all the hotdogs. (Note to self: next time don't buy "lite" weiners, there's not enough fat in them to keep them from sticking to the grill!) We had more than 140 people out, including social workers and True Colours mentors.
In Vernon, a many thanks to Rhonda for hosting an afternoon at the rec centre for families which included lots of food and of course Chris the Clown. Thanks to MCFD for funding this event.
In Salmon Arm Jan Lacko and I presented a workshop called "Try Being Me For A Day" to a room full of adoptive and foster parents, practioners, child care workers, and other parents and caregivers. Thanks for all your help Jan! Thanks also to The Victoria Foundation for funding this workshop.
In Nelson, Tam and Sheri held a potluck luncheon and music event for adoptive families. Thanks Ladies for all your efforts - I heard everyone had a great time!
The world's a better place
Because of folk like you
Who take the time to do nice things
The way you always do.
Thank you so so muchly
In Kamloops - big thanks to Susan and Sandra for their help in organizing our revival of the "Famous Spaghetti Dinner". Big thanks to Deanna for providing the craft supplies for all the little ones (and not-so-little ones) that kept them busy so the parents could actually have a complete conversation. It was fabulous food and a great location at TRU complete with Christmas lights and a little tree. I had a great time meeting families I hadn't met before, catching up with ones I had, and of course seeing how much some of their kids have grown. How does that happen? Thank you MCFD for helping fund this event for our families.
In Kelowna we had another fabulous (my new word, have you noticed?)event at the McMillan Farms pumpkin patch with lots of sunshine and lots of fun. Thanks to MCFD and the Adoption Centre for helping to fund this event. And of course to my husband for agreeing to bbq all the hotdogs. (Note to self: next time don't buy "lite" weiners, there's not enough fat in them to keep them from sticking to the grill!) We had more than 140 people out, including social workers and True Colours mentors.
In Vernon, a many thanks to Rhonda for hosting an afternoon at the rec centre for families which included lots of food and of course Chris the Clown. Thanks to MCFD for funding this event.
In Salmon Arm Jan Lacko and I presented a workshop called "Try Being Me For A Day" to a room full of adoptive and foster parents, practioners, child care workers, and other parents and caregivers. Thanks for all your help Jan! Thanks also to The Victoria Foundation for funding this workshop.
In Nelson, Tam and Sheri held a potluck luncheon and music event for adoptive families. Thanks Ladies for all your efforts - I heard everyone had a great time!
The world's a better place
Because of folk like you
Who take the time to do nice things
The way you always do.
Thank you so so muchly
Must blog, must blog, must blog...
How did this go so long without me blogging? I meant to blog. Really I did. Honest. But it seems November has gotten away from me once again.
But now, I think I've finally finsihed all of my Adoption Awareness Month events throughout the region, and the mountains of paperwork that seem to go with each one.
Lots has been happening since I last blogged, so bear with me while I catch up.
But now, I think I've finally finsihed all of my Adoption Awareness Month events throughout the region, and the mountains of paperwork that seem to go with each one.
Lots has been happening since I last blogged, so bear with me while I catch up.
Tuesday, November 3, 2009
Kamloops Spaghetti Dinner
Friday Nov. 20th 5 pm - 8 pm
TRU - Campus Activity Centre 900 McGill Rd.
Bring your family and come celebrate Adoption Awareness Month with a delicious spaghetti dinner. Make new friends and reconnect with others. All family members welcome. You must pre-register and pre-pay for this event.
Spaghetti & spaghetti sauce with meatballs (meatballs separate to accommodate vegetarians)
Garlic Bread
Fresh Garden Salad with assorted dressings
Home Baked Cookies
Cost $5 per adult or child
Register at www.afabc.eventbrite.com
For more information contact: Dianna Mortensen, Adoption Support Coordinator, Interior Region
Toll free 1-866-694-1222 or email: dmortensen@bcadoption.com
TRU - Campus Activity Centre 900 McGill Rd.
Bring your family and come celebrate Adoption Awareness Month with a delicious spaghetti dinner. Make new friends and reconnect with others. All family members welcome. You must pre-register and pre-pay for this event.
Spaghetti & spaghetti sauce with meatballs (meatballs separate to accommodate vegetarians)
Garlic Bread
Fresh Garden Salad with assorted dressings
Home Baked Cookies
Cost $5 per adult or child
Register at www.afabc.eventbrite.com
For more information contact: Dianna Mortensen, Adoption Support Coordinator, Interior Region
Toll free 1-866-694-1222 or email: dmortensen@bcadoption.com
Halloween after effects...
It's not a pretty sight. The mini chocolate bar wrappers that pile up on my coffee table late at night. Who ate all those? Oh. Yeah. It was me. But they're just little ones...they don't really count as calories, fat grams, carbs, etc. Do they?
Every year it's the same thing. I promise myself I won't eat any of them, then my son offers me the caramilk minis...they're my favorite. But I also like the Aeros because they melt so nicely in my mouth. And well, the Kit Kats are nice too. Especially if they're fresh. Peanut Butter cups are good too, but sometimes they get crushed and I like them better in one piece.
But I must pay the piper again today. Yesterday it was a cardio core workout with Lisa. It's as if she has a nanny-cam and saw the pile of wrappers. She worked us so hard, my quads and butt are killing me today.
In a few minutes I must leave to meet a friend to power walk up Giant's Head mountain. It's my pennance for chocolate. I'm almost at the point where I'll throw out all the candy. Almost. Apparently I like to torture myself with seeing how little will power I actually don't have. It's a sickness.
Fortunately it only happens once a year. Ok, well then there's Easter and Valentines Day too. But that will be next year. And surely by then, I'll have this chocolate addiction under control. Won't I?
Every year it's the same thing. I promise myself I won't eat any of them, then my son offers me the caramilk minis...they're my favorite. But I also like the Aeros because they melt so nicely in my mouth. And well, the Kit Kats are nice too. Especially if they're fresh. Peanut Butter cups are good too, but sometimes they get crushed and I like them better in one piece.
But I must pay the piper again today. Yesterday it was a cardio core workout with Lisa. It's as if she has a nanny-cam and saw the pile of wrappers. She worked us so hard, my quads and butt are killing me today.
In a few minutes I must leave to meet a friend to power walk up Giant's Head mountain. It's my pennance for chocolate. I'm almost at the point where I'll throw out all the candy. Almost. Apparently I like to torture myself with seeing how little will power I actually don't have. It's a sickness.
Fortunately it only happens once a year. Ok, well then there's Easter and Valentines Day too. But that will be next year. And surely by then, I'll have this chocolate addiction under control. Won't I?
Nelson Adoption Awareness Month Event
Nelson Sat. Nov. 21 11 am - 3 pm: Crescent Valley - Adoption Awareness Month Potluck Lunch & Silk Road Concert
Crescent Valley Hall is located on Highway 6, 2 km north of the junction with Highway 3A, halfway between Nelson and Castlegar.
Here's a wonderful opportunity for all families who love music. Families who have been touched by adoption are invited to come for a potluck lunch, playtime for the kids and time for parents to meet and talk. Then, when tummies are full and children are ready to settle down, enjoy an afternoon concert with Silk Road Music, the amazing duo from Quebec (Andre) and China (Qiu Xia) who play Chinese and World Fusion music on a multitude of instruments from around the world. Here are the particulars:
Potluck Lunch - $5 per family @ Crescent Valley Hall. Pay at the door. Bring a yummy dish to share and your own plates and cutlery. Coffee, tea and juice will be provided.
Silk Road Concert 2 pm Open to all families. $10 per family @ Crescent Valley Hall. Pay at the door. Check out www.silkroadmusic.ca to learn more about Silk Road and to preview their wonderful sounds. Silk Road has performed for many years for school children across Canada and will provide an exciting and unique blend of music from around the world for your listening and viewing pleasure.
For more information, please contact: Sheri at 359-7639 or sjwalsh@telus.net
Crescent Valley Hall is located on Highway 6, 2 km north of the junction with Highway 3A, halfway between Nelson and Castlegar.
Here's a wonderful opportunity for all families who love music. Families who have been touched by adoption are invited to come for a potluck lunch, playtime for the kids and time for parents to meet and talk. Then, when tummies are full and children are ready to settle down, enjoy an afternoon concert with Silk Road Music, the amazing duo from Quebec (Andre) and China (Qiu Xia) who play Chinese and World Fusion music on a multitude of instruments from around the world. Here are the particulars:
Potluck Lunch - $5 per family @ Crescent Valley Hall. Pay at the door. Bring a yummy dish to share and your own plates and cutlery. Coffee, tea and juice will be provided.
Silk Road Concert 2 pm Open to all families. $10 per family @ Crescent Valley Hall. Pay at the door. Check out www.silkroadmusic.ca to learn more about Silk Road and to preview their wonderful sounds. Silk Road has performed for many years for school children across Canada and will provide an exciting and unique blend of music from around the world for your listening and viewing pleasure.
For more information, please contact: Sheri at 359-7639 or sjwalsh@telus.net
Monday, November 2, 2009
Kamloops - Waiting Child Information Session
Thursday Nov. 19th 6:00 pm - 9:00 pm
1165 Battle St. Kamloops
For families considering adopting a child in foster care with the Ministry of Children and Family Development (MCFD). Learn what you need to know before you start the adoption process. Presented by MCFD and the AFABC. This workshop covers The Adoption Journey, Preparing For the Journey, Who are BC's Waiting Children, The Process, and Questions and Answers.
This session is free of charge, but you must pre-register at www.afabc.eventbrite.com
For more information contact: Dianna Mortensen, AFABC Adoption Support Coordinator, Interior Region
Toll free: 1-866-694-1222 or by email: dmortensen@bcadoption.com
1165 Battle St. Kamloops
For families considering adopting a child in foster care with the Ministry of Children and Family Development (MCFD). Learn what you need to know before you start the adoption process. Presented by MCFD and the AFABC. This workshop covers The Adoption Journey, Preparing For the Journey, Who are BC's Waiting Children, The Process, and Questions and Answers.
This session is free of charge, but you must pre-register at www.afabc.eventbrite.com
For more information contact: Dianna Mortensen, AFABC Adoption Support Coordinator, Interior Region
Toll free: 1-866-694-1222 or by email: dmortensen@bcadoption.com
Vernon Adoption Awareness Month Event
Vernon Family Fun Day
37th Ave. Recreation Centre (Dogwood Gym)
Sun. Nov. 15th 1 pm - 3 pm
Bring your teens for a pick-up game of basket ball while the younger ones are enjoying Chris the Clown.
Pizza and drinks provided by AFABC – Please bring a dessert or salad to share.
Please RSVP for this FREE event Register online www.afabc.eventbrite.com
For more information contact: Rhonda Riva (250) 549-3937 or email mrriva@shaw.ca
37th Ave. Recreation Centre (Dogwood Gym)
Sun. Nov. 15th 1 pm - 3 pm
Bring your teens for a pick-up game of basket ball while the younger ones are enjoying Chris the Clown.
Pizza and drinks provided by AFABC – Please bring a dessert or salad to share.
Please RSVP for this FREE event Register online www.afabc.eventbrite.com
For more information contact: Rhonda Riva (250) 549-3937 or email mrriva@shaw.ca
It's November which means....
it's crazy time! November is Adoption Awareness Month (just in case ya didn't know), so that means lots of events. And somehow, when I'm planning all these events in March, I come up with some great ideas and can't wait to put them into action.
Now here it is November, and although I'm still looking forward to the events, it's the implementation of all these events that takes so much energy. I won't bore you with all the painful details, but let's just say that in March all these things seemed like really good ideas. Except back in March I wasn't yet working in the Thompson Cariboo and now that I am, let's just add in a whole ton of events for them too!
But although I'm whining, I do thoroughly enjoy all the events when they actually happen. Honestly I do.
For example yesterday was the first of the Adoption Awareness Month events at the Pumpkin Patch at it was great! The weather co-operated and the sunshine was glorious. We had almost 140 people out to drink hot chocolate, eat the hot dogs my husband and the adoption social workers cooked, take a hay ride, try the corn maze, and use the giant pumpkin slingshot. The hay bale maze was a hit with the shorter crowd too. But the best part of all, was connecting with the families and seeing all the kids running around having a blast! It's hard to describe the feeling when I see new families meeting up with other experienced families - that's why I do what I do! It makes all the planning worthwile.
And of course, no visit to the Pumpkin Patch would be complete without my nine year old son Xavier, and Ola's 11 year old son Amani, taking turns standing in front of the pumpkin slingshot target to see if they could hit each other with gourds, pumpkins, corn cobs, etc. And I can't remember, was that before or after they were trying to shoot each other out of the slingshot? It's all a blur.
We were Tom & Colleen's final group for the pumpkin season and they were such great hosts. Tom patiently gave hay ride after hay ride to anyone who was interested and maintained a sense of humor throughout the afternoon. A huge thank you to their family for keeping their farm open just for our group.
And another huge huge thank you to everyone who helped out with the day. It was so much fun.
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
Finally back at work
The cold thing was a killer! It wiped me out last week finally. And to top everything else off, the kids had a Pro-D Day on Friday. What I would have given for a whole day to sleep. Sleep. Sleep.
But, apparently that was not to happen. So now it's coming up to November which is crazy time for Adoption Awareness month, and at least I got over my cold before all the events start happening. One year I was sick for almost the whole month of November and lost my voice so I could barely speak at any events. I sounded sicker than I felt, but it certainly wasn't fun.
Oh,and did I mention I missed out on two of my kids' parent teacher interviews due to either their illnesses or mine? So today I had the "make-up" parent teacher interview for my son Xavier. Gee, I couldn't possibly guess what the teacher was going to say. What a surprise - Xavier has trouble settling down to work and he's easily distracted. Oh yes, and he has "struggled in meeting some deadlines". Ha! That's the understatement of the year. That would require him to actually remember to bring his planner and work home each day.
His teacher had him do a self-evaluation on things such as how he would rate himself on "listening skills", "asking for help if needed" "using planner consistently", etc. Him and his teacher were fairly close on their ratings, but what distracted me was that for each little ticky box, Xavier had coloured either red with an "M" or green with an "L" and I couldn't figure out what that was for. It had nothing to do with the chart and his teacher didn't know either. Then I finally clued it. The red M was for "Mario" and the green L was for "Luigi" from Nintendo Super Smash Bros. game. That would also account for the little green man with an "L" on his hat in the middle of Xavier's Halloween poster. Sigh. Boys are so different.
Next week I have Leosha's IEP and Camisha's parent teacher interview.
See now this is why I can't work full time. Who would hire me? Between sick days, IEP meetings, various specialist appointments for each child, getting my snow tires put on (Ok that's not really a regular thing but it does require coordination with the whole schedule), and driving to and from after school activities, I wouldn't be able to hold down a regular job. Well I guess I would if I had no other choice, and I am very fortunate that my job is so flexible.
And speaking of jobs, I should go and get my kids off to bed. They are currently taking turns coming into my office as I write this, telling me how bored they are, how someone got a longer turn on the computer than everyone else, why someone is allowed to have a yogurt when snack time is over, and whining that Xavier through a spider at her and Xavier says it wasn't a real spider it was an ant that was really from his Indiana Jones Lego set and it was all her fault anyways, and he only kicked her because she was going to kick him. It goes on and on and on.
But, apparently that was not to happen. So now it's coming up to November which is crazy time for Adoption Awareness month, and at least I got over my cold before all the events start happening. One year I was sick for almost the whole month of November and lost my voice so I could barely speak at any events. I sounded sicker than I felt, but it certainly wasn't fun.
Oh,and did I mention I missed out on two of my kids' parent teacher interviews due to either their illnesses or mine? So today I had the "make-up" parent teacher interview for my son Xavier. Gee, I couldn't possibly guess what the teacher was going to say. What a surprise - Xavier has trouble settling down to work and he's easily distracted. Oh yes, and he has "struggled in meeting some deadlines". Ha! That's the understatement of the year. That would require him to actually remember to bring his planner and work home each day.
His teacher had him do a self-evaluation on things such as how he would rate himself on "listening skills", "asking for help if needed" "using planner consistently", etc. Him and his teacher were fairly close on their ratings, but what distracted me was that for each little ticky box, Xavier had coloured either red with an "M" or green with an "L" and I couldn't figure out what that was for. It had nothing to do with the chart and his teacher didn't know either. Then I finally clued it. The red M was for "Mario" and the green L was for "Luigi" from Nintendo Super Smash Bros. game. That would also account for the little green man with an "L" on his hat in the middle of Xavier's Halloween poster. Sigh. Boys are so different.
Next week I have Leosha's IEP and Camisha's parent teacher interview.
See now this is why I can't work full time. Who would hire me? Between sick days, IEP meetings, various specialist appointments for each child, getting my snow tires put on (Ok that's not really a regular thing but it does require coordination with the whole schedule), and driving to and from after school activities, I wouldn't be able to hold down a regular job. Well I guess I would if I had no other choice, and I am very fortunate that my job is so flexible.
And speaking of jobs, I should go and get my kids off to bed. They are currently taking turns coming into my office as I write this, telling me how bored they are, how someone got a longer turn on the computer than everyone else, why someone is allowed to have a yogurt when snack time is over, and whining that Xavier through a spider at her and Xavier says it wasn't a real spider it was an ant that was really from his Indiana Jones Lego set and it was all her fault anyways, and he only kicked her because she was going to kick him. It goes on and on and on.
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
I'm sick..
And I'm sick of being sick. I'm sick of being a mom to sick kids. This Florence Nightingale routine is wearing very thin.
"Mommmmm...Mommmm...Mommmmm....can you bring me________"
"Mommmmm....Mommmm....Mommmmm....my head hurts"
Yada,yada yada.
Who's bringing me things? No one. I have to actually get it myself...oh yeah, just like every other day of my life.
I rarely get sick, but being sequestered with more than one virus carrying child takes it toll on my immune system. And my sanity. Plus I've had to cancel my two morning fitness classes this week to stay home and nuture my children. Yeah, like I said, it's wearing thin.
I got out yesterday for a hike up the mountain with a friend and it was a beautiful sunny day. So nice. And I suppose if I have to be trapped (yes, it feels like being trapped) at home, at least it's gray and raining today so I don't feel like going anywhere.
And I know, I have to be grateful my kids don't have H1N1, just colds. But sheesh, get them over with already.
"Mommmmm...Mommmm...Mommmmm....can you bring me________"
"Mommmmm....Mommmm....Mommmmm....my head hurts"
Yada,yada yada.
Who's bringing me things? No one. I have to actually get it myself...oh yeah, just like every other day of my life.
I rarely get sick, but being sequestered with more than one virus carrying child takes it toll on my immune system. And my sanity. Plus I've had to cancel my two morning fitness classes this week to stay home and nuture my children. Yeah, like I said, it's wearing thin.
I got out yesterday for a hike up the mountain with a friend and it was a beautiful sunny day. So nice. And I suppose if I have to be trapped (yes, it feels like being trapped) at home, at least it's gray and raining today so I don't feel like going anywhere.
And I know, I have to be grateful my kids don't have H1N1, just colds. But sheesh, get them over with already.
Saturday, October 17, 2009
Tears
I never counted on the tears. I never really thought about how many tears I would shed for my children after I adopted them. All I could picture were happy family moments and the day to day life I wanted as a mom.
But today's been a really tough one, and it's only 10:30 in the morning. I know I've had tougher days and I've had easier days, and I also know that I will make it through this tough one too. I have to. I have no choice. These are my kids and I must suck it up and do whatever it takes. And I will.
But in the mean time, there are plenty of tears today. Tears for my child who will probably never learn that she can't consume mass quantities of sugar without going into ketoacidosis. Somehow, despite my vigilance that anything with sugar in it, and the sugar itself, is usually locked up, she finds that moment when I leave the room and the pantry open. And that's my fault for letting down my guard. Keeping my guard up is emotionally exhausting and then I berate myself for not being hyper-vigilant.
She will probably never learn that this behavior is slowly killing her, and unless I can get her blood sugars down to a reasonable level within 12 hours, I will have to take her, once again, to Emergency and have them try to revive her. It kills me, slowly. And it kills me that I can't always be the perfect mom who is kind and understanding and knows the right thing to say all the time.
I never counted on the anguish and the grief, and the number of boxes of tissues I would go through.
I only wish there was some way I could make her understand what she is doing to herself, and make her stop the bingeing and hurting herself. But I can't. I doubt anyone can. So I have to "deal". And today I'm not "dealing" well.
But today's been a really tough one, and it's only 10:30 in the morning. I know I've had tougher days and I've had easier days, and I also know that I will make it through this tough one too. I have to. I have no choice. These are my kids and I must suck it up and do whatever it takes. And I will.
But in the mean time, there are plenty of tears today. Tears for my child who will probably never learn that she can't consume mass quantities of sugar without going into ketoacidosis. Somehow, despite my vigilance that anything with sugar in it, and the sugar itself, is usually locked up, she finds that moment when I leave the room and the pantry open. And that's my fault for letting down my guard. Keeping my guard up is emotionally exhausting and then I berate myself for not being hyper-vigilant.
She will probably never learn that this behavior is slowly killing her, and unless I can get her blood sugars down to a reasonable level within 12 hours, I will have to take her, once again, to Emergency and have them try to revive her. It kills me, slowly. And it kills me that I can't always be the perfect mom who is kind and understanding and knows the right thing to say all the time.
I never counted on the anguish and the grief, and the number of boxes of tissues I would go through.
I only wish there was some way I could make her understand what she is doing to herself, and make her stop the bingeing and hurting herself. But I can't. I doubt anyone can. So I have to "deal". And today I'm not "dealing" well.
Wednesday, October 14, 2009
This sounds like a great learning opportunity
One in three Canadians will experience a mental health problem in their life.
Do you know how to help?
An innovative 2 day course introduced in Canada in 2006 and now offered in Kelowna by the Canadian Mental Health Association, Kelowna Branch.
Mental Health First Aid Canada teaches first aid skills to help someone who is
developing a mental health problem or is experiencing a mental health crisis.
In 12 hours you will learn:
✤ Signs and symptoms of common mental health problems and crisis situations
✤ Basic actions for mental health first aid
✤ About effective interventions and treatments
“A well organized course with comprehensive material.” participant
Date: Monday, November 9 & Tuesday, November 10
Time: 9 am to 4:30 pm
Cost: $150 per person + GST
For more information contact Charly @ 250-861-3644 or email kelowna@cmha.bc.ca
Do you know how to help?
An innovative 2 day course introduced in Canada in 2006 and now offered in Kelowna by the Canadian Mental Health Association, Kelowna Branch.
Mental Health First Aid Canada teaches first aid skills to help someone who is
developing a mental health problem or is experiencing a mental health crisis.
In 12 hours you will learn:
✤ Signs and symptoms of common mental health problems and crisis situations
✤ Basic actions for mental health first aid
✤ About effective interventions and treatments
“A well organized course with comprehensive material.” participant
Date: Monday, November 9 & Tuesday, November 10
Time: 9 am to 4:30 pm
Cost: $150 per person + GST
For more information contact Charly @ 250-861-3644 or email kelowna@cmha.bc.ca
Just when I thought I'd seen it all...
then I heard about this when I was listening to an American radio station on the internet.
The Barack Obama Chia Pet, as in "Hail to the Chi - Chi - Chi - Chief"
Wednesday, October 7, 2009
Tuesday, October 6, 2009
Former foster child in Chicago now a million-dollar scholar
From an article published at www.chicagotribune.com
ATLANTA - -- Derrius Quarles leans back in his seat and methodically debates Aristotle's theory of truth during freshman honors English class at Morehouse College.
He strides across campus in a navy blue tailored suit and a bold red sweater handing out business cards that boast "Student/Entrepreneur/Leader."
But behind the 19-year-old's dauntless appearance is a past that few on campus know.
When Quarles was 5, the state took him away from his mother. He spent his childhood bouncing from home to home before ending up on his own at 17 in an apartment on Chicago's South Side.
His arrival at a prestigious, historically African-American college -- with more than $1 million in scholarship offers -- is a story of inspiration and anguish. And it's a testament to his determination to prove that he is better than his beginnings.
"You can't go around thinking you are inferior just because you didn't have parents," he says. "For me, it's about knowing where you are from and accepting it, but more important, knowing where you are going."
Despite his polished veneer, sometimes there are glimpses into a more complicated young man.
In sociology class, when students discuss their childhood dependence on parents, the usually verbose Quarles withdraws from the lively discussion and doodles in a notebook. When a tutoring coordinator asks students about the "caring adults" in their lives, Quarles mumbles something about an aunt.
He rarely talks about his childhood, but when pushed, the words tumble out.
"I've had people tell me that I ain't never gonna be s---. That's not a scratch, that cuts deep," he says. "After so many people put me down, I said, 'I'm gonna show you.' "
Quarles made good on that promise when he won more than $1 million in scholarship offers, including a full ride at Morehouse. A graduate of Kenwood Academy High School in Chicago, he is one of about a dozen students nationwide to garner such a bounty, according to Mark Kantrowitz, who runs the Web site Finaid, which tracks college aid.
He won full scholarships to five universities, the Gates Millennium Scholarship worth $160,000 and the Horatio Alger and Coca-Cola scholarships, each worth $20,000, to name a few. He'll use most of it to pay for advanced schooling.
Now, Quarles hopes to weave a new family narrative at an all-male college known as much for molding brotherhood as for molding scholars.
He is searching for a band of brothers who will not abandon him, as so many others have in the past.
Left aloneWhen Quarles was 4, his father was stabbed to death with a pocketknife in a fight on a vacant lot. His mother struggled with drugs.
Quarles doesn't remember much about those years, outside of being left alone with his brother for long stretches of time, pilfering bread and snacks from a convenience store.
"We had to fend for ourselves the best we knew how," he says. "My brother really stepped up as an older brother. He never left my side."
This connection to his brother was a sustaining one. But it would not last.
When Quarles was 5, officials placed him and his brother in a temporary foster home, then with an aunt.
Quarles remembers this as a period of calm. He learned to read sitting in his aunt's lap, paging through her favorite Bible passages. He recalls eating around the dinner table with more food than he ever imagined.
But when Quarles was 13, his older brother was removed from the home and placed in a foster home in Maywood. Quarles wanted to go with his brother and his aunt let him. State records simply show she was not interested in becoming his legal guardian. Quarles says he is not certain why his aunt let him leave and he would not provide her name.
"I'm content not to know," he says. "I'm sure it was a good reason."
Quarles' brother left the foster home a few months later, one of the toughest losses of Quarles' life. "That's when I learned you can't trust people to stay around," he says. "That when I learned to lean on me."
Three years later, Quarles was placed with his grandmother and an aunt in Chicago. But within a year, he convinced officials with the Department of Children and Family Services that he would be better off on his own.
The high school junior packed his clothes, books and a set of golf clubs and moved to an apartment as part of a state transitional living program for foster children. There, he learned to budget his money, wash and dry his clothes, shop for groceries and cook. He received a small stipend and got a part-time job at a barbershop.
At 17, he was living like an adult.
Desmond Kemp, who became a mentor to Quarles -- a brother, really -- when they met at a tutoring program, initially opposed the move.
But Kemp was impressed with how Quarles kept up the apartment and budgeted his money with such precision that he always had enough for fashionable clothes and textbooks.
He was awed when he took Quarles to the grocery store and the teenager shunned the snack aisles and headed to the fresh fruits and vegetables.
"He kept saying, 'This is brain food. This is what I need to eat to build a strong brain,' " Kemp recalls. "I had to laugh but also stared in amazement at how mature he was for a teenager."
Even though his home life was sometimes chaotic, Quarles brought home A's and B's in elementary school. That changed when he entered Kenwood Academy. First quarter of freshman year, he got an F and eked out only a 2.5 grade point average.
Providence intervened in the form of a pushy biology teacher.
Quarles had enrolled in a summer biology course but skipped the first day and was late for the second. Teacher Nivedita Nutakki pulled him into the hallway and told him he was wasting his talent.
"He needed a push and some encouragement," she says. "I spotted right away that this was a special kid who had a special mind."
Quarles got an A in the class. Sophomore year, he earned a 3.6 grade point average. By junior year, he was carrying three advanced placement classes and earning straight A's.
"Initially, I was doing it to show my biology teacher that I could do it," he says. "But then it kind of moved into, 'I didn't have to show her anymore.' I was doing it to show myself."
Quarles latched on to Nutakki and spent hours after school with her, engrossed in a subject that inspired him to want to be a doctor.
He found other mentors who, together, played the role of parent.
Lynda Parker, a Kenwood counselor, recounts how aggressively Quarles pursued college scholarships. He would stay late to use the school computer for research and pester Parker to complete his recommendation letters.
"With teenagers, the biggest motivator is the parent," Parker says. "Every step of the way, you have to contact the parents so they can push the kids. Not only did Derrius not have a parent to push him, he was pushing himself as hard, or harder, than parents of the other kids."
Even his oversize ambition couldn't get Quarles past one roadblock. He dreamed of attending Harvard, until one college adviser told him his 28 ACT score was simply not high enough. He abandoned his plans.
At a crossroadsNow, as he walks the red clay hills of the Morehouse campus, the training ground of Martin Luther King Jr., Quarles seems poised between who he was and who he wants to be.
His dorm room looks like every other teenager's. The bed is mussed, the refrigerator and shelves are stacked with Doritos and Coke, and the focus of the room is the 32-inch flat-screen TV and Xbox he bought with his roommate.
But inside Quarles' closet hang four suits and a half-dozen wrinkle-free dress shirts. In the corner sits an iron and ironing board.
As a high school senior, Quarles Googled tips on business attire. Now, his belt color always matches his shoes, and his shirt sleeves are tailored to fall exactly halfway across his watch.
"How you dress says something to the world about who you think you are," he explains.
Quarles' counselors, friends and teachers worry he is too eager to grow up.
"I keep telling him that everyone has a right to live as a child during their childhood years," Parker says.
Still, Quarles keeps an ambitious list of goals: graduate from medical school, earn a doctorate, start a tutoring program for low-income Chicago students, help shape the city's public health policy, become the U.S. surgeon general.
"I have no time to play around," he says. "There are people back home in Chicago starving, homeless, unemployed, killing each other. There is a difference between enjoying life and wasting time, and I can't waste any time.
"I want to make a difference. I want to show people that I can be all those things people said I could never be."
Quarles now has the means to pay for his education. And oversize optimism could get him the rest of the way.
During a training session for a Morehouse tutoring program one day, students introduce themselves and list three songs on their iPod -- typically Kanye West, Beyonce, Jay-Z and Lou Rawls.
When his turn comes, Quarles stands.
"Have you ever seen the movie 'Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory'?" he asks, prompting raised eyebrows. "There's a song in there called 'Pure Imagination.' That's what I'm listening to these days."
Quarles later explains that the lyrics inspire him: "Anything you want to, do it. Want to change the world? There's nothing to it."
"It's so powerful," he says. "It shows the power of imagination. If you imagine it, you can do it."
ATLANTA - -- Derrius Quarles leans back in his seat and methodically debates Aristotle's theory of truth during freshman honors English class at Morehouse College.
He strides across campus in a navy blue tailored suit and a bold red sweater handing out business cards that boast "Student/Entrepreneur/Leader."
But behind the 19-year-old's dauntless appearance is a past that few on campus know.
When Quarles was 5, the state took him away from his mother. He spent his childhood bouncing from home to home before ending up on his own at 17 in an apartment on Chicago's South Side.
His arrival at a prestigious, historically African-American college -- with more than $1 million in scholarship offers -- is a story of inspiration and anguish. And it's a testament to his determination to prove that he is better than his beginnings.
"You can't go around thinking you are inferior just because you didn't have parents," he says. "For me, it's about knowing where you are from and accepting it, but more important, knowing where you are going."
Despite his polished veneer, sometimes there are glimpses into a more complicated young man.
In sociology class, when students discuss their childhood dependence on parents, the usually verbose Quarles withdraws from the lively discussion and doodles in a notebook. When a tutoring coordinator asks students about the "caring adults" in their lives, Quarles mumbles something about an aunt.
He rarely talks about his childhood, but when pushed, the words tumble out.
"I've had people tell me that I ain't never gonna be s---. That's not a scratch, that cuts deep," he says. "After so many people put me down, I said, 'I'm gonna show you.' "
Quarles made good on that promise when he won more than $1 million in scholarship offers, including a full ride at Morehouse. A graduate of Kenwood Academy High School in Chicago, he is one of about a dozen students nationwide to garner such a bounty, according to Mark Kantrowitz, who runs the Web site Finaid, which tracks college aid.
He won full scholarships to five universities, the Gates Millennium Scholarship worth $160,000 and the Horatio Alger and Coca-Cola scholarships, each worth $20,000, to name a few. He'll use most of it to pay for advanced schooling.
Now, Quarles hopes to weave a new family narrative at an all-male college known as much for molding brotherhood as for molding scholars.
He is searching for a band of brothers who will not abandon him, as so many others have in the past.
Left aloneWhen Quarles was 4, his father was stabbed to death with a pocketknife in a fight on a vacant lot. His mother struggled with drugs.
Quarles doesn't remember much about those years, outside of being left alone with his brother for long stretches of time, pilfering bread and snacks from a convenience store.
"We had to fend for ourselves the best we knew how," he says. "My brother really stepped up as an older brother. He never left my side."
This connection to his brother was a sustaining one. But it would not last.
When Quarles was 5, officials placed him and his brother in a temporary foster home, then with an aunt.
Quarles remembers this as a period of calm. He learned to read sitting in his aunt's lap, paging through her favorite Bible passages. He recalls eating around the dinner table with more food than he ever imagined.
But when Quarles was 13, his older brother was removed from the home and placed in a foster home in Maywood. Quarles wanted to go with his brother and his aunt let him. State records simply show she was not interested in becoming his legal guardian. Quarles says he is not certain why his aunt let him leave and he would not provide her name.
"I'm content not to know," he says. "I'm sure it was a good reason."
Quarles' brother left the foster home a few months later, one of the toughest losses of Quarles' life. "That's when I learned you can't trust people to stay around," he says. "That when I learned to lean on me."
Three years later, Quarles was placed with his grandmother and an aunt in Chicago. But within a year, he convinced officials with the Department of Children and Family Services that he would be better off on his own.
The high school junior packed his clothes, books and a set of golf clubs and moved to an apartment as part of a state transitional living program for foster children. There, he learned to budget his money, wash and dry his clothes, shop for groceries and cook. He received a small stipend and got a part-time job at a barbershop.
At 17, he was living like an adult.
Desmond Kemp, who became a mentor to Quarles -- a brother, really -- when they met at a tutoring program, initially opposed the move.
But Kemp was impressed with how Quarles kept up the apartment and budgeted his money with such precision that he always had enough for fashionable clothes and textbooks.
He was awed when he took Quarles to the grocery store and the teenager shunned the snack aisles and headed to the fresh fruits and vegetables.
"He kept saying, 'This is brain food. This is what I need to eat to build a strong brain,' " Kemp recalls. "I had to laugh but also stared in amazement at how mature he was for a teenager."
Even though his home life was sometimes chaotic, Quarles brought home A's and B's in elementary school. That changed when he entered Kenwood Academy. First quarter of freshman year, he got an F and eked out only a 2.5 grade point average.
Providence intervened in the form of a pushy biology teacher.
Quarles had enrolled in a summer biology course but skipped the first day and was late for the second. Teacher Nivedita Nutakki pulled him into the hallway and told him he was wasting his talent.
"He needed a push and some encouragement," she says. "I spotted right away that this was a special kid who had a special mind."
Quarles got an A in the class. Sophomore year, he earned a 3.6 grade point average. By junior year, he was carrying three advanced placement classes and earning straight A's.
"Initially, I was doing it to show my biology teacher that I could do it," he says. "But then it kind of moved into, 'I didn't have to show her anymore.' I was doing it to show myself."
Quarles latched on to Nutakki and spent hours after school with her, engrossed in a subject that inspired him to want to be a doctor.
He found other mentors who, together, played the role of parent.
Lynda Parker, a Kenwood counselor, recounts how aggressively Quarles pursued college scholarships. He would stay late to use the school computer for research and pester Parker to complete his recommendation letters.
"With teenagers, the biggest motivator is the parent," Parker says. "Every step of the way, you have to contact the parents so they can push the kids. Not only did Derrius not have a parent to push him, he was pushing himself as hard, or harder, than parents of the other kids."
Even his oversize ambition couldn't get Quarles past one roadblock. He dreamed of attending Harvard, until one college adviser told him his 28 ACT score was simply not high enough. He abandoned his plans.
At a crossroadsNow, as he walks the red clay hills of the Morehouse campus, the training ground of Martin Luther King Jr., Quarles seems poised between who he was and who he wants to be.
His dorm room looks like every other teenager's. The bed is mussed, the refrigerator and shelves are stacked with Doritos and Coke, and the focus of the room is the 32-inch flat-screen TV and Xbox he bought with his roommate.
But inside Quarles' closet hang four suits and a half-dozen wrinkle-free dress shirts. In the corner sits an iron and ironing board.
As a high school senior, Quarles Googled tips on business attire. Now, his belt color always matches his shoes, and his shirt sleeves are tailored to fall exactly halfway across his watch.
"How you dress says something to the world about who you think you are," he explains.
Quarles' counselors, friends and teachers worry he is too eager to grow up.
"I keep telling him that everyone has a right to live as a child during their childhood years," Parker says.
Still, Quarles keeps an ambitious list of goals: graduate from medical school, earn a doctorate, start a tutoring program for low-income Chicago students, help shape the city's public health policy, become the U.S. surgeon general.
"I have no time to play around," he says. "There are people back home in Chicago starving, homeless, unemployed, killing each other. There is a difference between enjoying life and wasting time, and I can't waste any time.
"I want to make a difference. I want to show people that I can be all those things people said I could never be."
Quarles now has the means to pay for his education. And oversize optimism could get him the rest of the way.
During a training session for a Morehouse tutoring program one day, students introduce themselves and list three songs on their iPod -- typically Kanye West, Beyonce, Jay-Z and Lou Rawls.
When his turn comes, Quarles stands.
"Have you ever seen the movie 'Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory'?" he asks, prompting raised eyebrows. "There's a song in there called 'Pure Imagination.' That's what I'm listening to these days."
Quarles later explains that the lyrics inspire him: "Anything you want to, do it. Want to change the world? There's nothing to it."
"It's so powerful," he says. "It shows the power of imagination. If you imagine it, you can do it."
Why is Obama being president such a big deal?
Good question isn't it? And how do I explain it to a child?
For many of our kids, the significance of having a person of colour in such a high position of power is no big deal. Every night on the news we see media clips from around the world where all races are represented, (not always is a good way!) and our kids have access to various forms of media and see people of colour represented here too.
I guess I could go into the long history of slavery and the many, many injustices that have been perpetrated on people of colour for centuries. But for a young child with very little grasp of the passage of time it's a very abstract concept to discuss. Sure, we've read stories and talked about current events when we hear or see them, and we try to label racism and stereotyping when we see it too.
So what IS the big deal with Obama? Yes he's black. But is that all that matters? Don't his politics matter too? Yes, it's a definite milestone to have someone other than a rich white guy in the White House.
It seems the American voting public was in desperate need of someone to lead them out of their current struggles, and he was the chosen one. And he sure seems to be a great role model for all young people of colour.
But back to the original question...why is it such a big deal? Just because he's a person of colour? From our kids' point of view, everyone is equal...arn't they? That's what our kids are taught in school, so how come the other people don't know this? (Another good question!) As adults we know that racism is alive and well, and we know that many people don't share our views on "equality". But for our kids of colour, it's simple. Especially at young ages when they have yet to experience the harsh realities of racism.
So what do we do? I guess we keep talking with our kids about what is happening in our world, our country, our province, our community; and help them understand at their level, some of the realities of the world. As with all the people of colour that our children see in the media, we must be ever vigilant that we not perpetuate stereotypes, and that we explain that all people are different, and that no one person speaks for all people of their race. Every one is important.
I thought I would include some advice given to President Obama from some Winnipeg school kids...
For many of our kids, the significance of having a person of colour in such a high position of power is no big deal. Every night on the news we see media clips from around the world where all races are represented, (not always is a good way!) and our kids have access to various forms of media and see people of colour represented here too.
I guess I could go into the long history of slavery and the many, many injustices that have been perpetrated on people of colour for centuries. But for a young child with very little grasp of the passage of time it's a very abstract concept to discuss. Sure, we've read stories and talked about current events when we hear or see them, and we try to label racism and stereotyping when we see it too.
So what IS the big deal with Obama? Yes he's black. But is that all that matters? Don't his politics matter too? Yes, it's a definite milestone to have someone other than a rich white guy in the White House.
It seems the American voting public was in desperate need of someone to lead them out of their current struggles, and he was the chosen one. And he sure seems to be a great role model for all young people of colour.
But back to the original question...why is it such a big deal? Just because he's a person of colour? From our kids' point of view, everyone is equal...arn't they? That's what our kids are taught in school, so how come the other people don't know this? (Another good question!) As adults we know that racism is alive and well, and we know that many people don't share our views on "equality". But for our kids of colour, it's simple. Especially at young ages when they have yet to experience the harsh realities of racism.
So what do we do? I guess we keep talking with our kids about what is happening in our world, our country, our province, our community; and help them understand at their level, some of the realities of the world. As with all the people of colour that our children see in the media, we must be ever vigilant that we not perpetuate stereotypes, and that we explain that all people are different, and that no one person speaks for all people of their race. Every one is important.
I thought I would include some advice given to President Obama from some Winnipeg school kids...
"Dear President Obama: I think to be a better president you will need to quit smoking. You are not setting a good example for people if the president of the U.S.A. smokes."
-- From Myles Irvine, 13
"Dear President Obama: I really like the United States, but I wouldn't live there. The country is boring. You need to spice it up. Do something totally different. I suggest painting the White House or making new laws such as, no spinach in meals, or parents can't give out chores to the oldest child. But, hey, what do I know? I'm only 12 years old."
-- From Joey Matthews, 12
"Dear President Obama: If I were to give advice to you, I would tell you to try to end what is going on in Iraq. To once and for all end what George Bush caused. Although there are many problems like these occurring right now, I think that a huge issue in my opinion is that I have not met the Jonas Brothers yet. I think you should send the Jonas Brothers to Winnipeg for one of their amazing concerts."
-- Thank you, Jayme C., 13, Grade 8
Tuesday, September 29, 2009
Let's not be too "judgy" here, shall we?
Is "judgy" even a word? It is to me.
There I was, happily minding my own business coming out of WalMart and trying to remember where I parked my car. (Note to self: next time get any colour of car except gray). I walked past two women who were standing by what I assumed was their car, with a child of about two in the shopping buggy. They were both smoking. As I walked past they were talking about the fancy SUV that was pulling out of the nearby parking spot quite quickly. I heard one woman say..."You know, she left her kid in the car the whole time she was in that F#$%^&* store."
Now perhaps it's just me who sees the irony of that situation, but I had to smile to myself. They were smoking and using "swears" in front of a two year old, while passing judgement on the woman in the SUV. And probably the woman in the SUV was passing judgement on them too. And I was passing judgement on all of them. (Fortunately I didn't stick around to hear what they had to say about me!) But as I finally found my car, I had to smile to myself realizing how we all make so many judgements of others without stopping to look at ourselves first.
I know I do it all the time, but I also really try to recognize when I am doing it and correct myself. Perhaps this comes from being such a visible family when we're with our kids. I am so used to people looking at us now, that it rarely phases me. When I am out with my husband, or just by myself, I know I can "blend" in and be less noticable. (Ok, except for when I was at Costco this afternoon and locked my keys in the truck and got my arm stuck through the 2" window openning.)
As I sat waiting for the BCAA tow truck driver to rescue me, I passed the time people watching, which is usually quite entertaining. Another exercise in "being judgy". From fashion faux-pas, to bad drivers, to screaming children; I saw them all. I passed the 45 minute wait noting my initial judgement of the person(s), and then thinking about how if I was a perfect person, what would I be thinking about those people. But if I was a perfect person, I guess I would know enough to just mind my own business wouldn't I?
Another event that happened this past weekend worth noting on this "judgy" topic of conversation. My friend Ola, who is black, was with my kids and I in the WalMart in Penticton on Saturday. She noticed it before I did. Ola said, "Did ya notice how no one even looks at you twice when I'm with you and your kids?" Yup, everyone just assumes they're her kids. Ha! I guess that means they're blaming her for my daughter's bad hair day!
And here's another shopping experience I had recently. I was in Fabricland and kept running in to a grandmotherly type woman with a young boy of about 4. She was looking for pure cotton fabric because he can't have anything else touching his skin as it drives him (and therefore, her) crazy. I kept bumping into them and chatting with the two of them, and of course we ended up at the cashier at the same time. She looked exhausted and we were commiserating about how tough it is to find the time to sew when you have little kids around all the time. I mentioned that by the time they get to bed, we're ready for bed ourselves. Then she said that she was adopting this little guy and he is very hyper due to being born addicted to crack cocaine. (Yes, I know, we're all making judgements that perhaps the line up at Fabricland was not the best place to reveal his information.) But I bet she felt everyone was thinking she's his Grandma and why can't she keep this kid under control?
But I smiled at her, told her I have two of those kids too. I gave her my business card and suggested she call me and we can talk. I really hope she calls me, but I won't be making any snap judgements if she doesn't.
There I was, happily minding my own business coming out of WalMart and trying to remember where I parked my car. (Note to self: next time get any colour of car except gray). I walked past two women who were standing by what I assumed was their car, with a child of about two in the shopping buggy. They were both smoking. As I walked past they were talking about the fancy SUV that was pulling out of the nearby parking spot quite quickly. I heard one woman say..."You know, she left her kid in the car the whole time she was in that F#$%^&* store."
Now perhaps it's just me who sees the irony of that situation, but I had to smile to myself. They were smoking and using "swears" in front of a two year old, while passing judgement on the woman in the SUV. And probably the woman in the SUV was passing judgement on them too. And I was passing judgement on all of them. (Fortunately I didn't stick around to hear what they had to say about me!) But as I finally found my car, I had to smile to myself realizing how we all make so many judgements of others without stopping to look at ourselves first.
I know I do it all the time, but I also really try to recognize when I am doing it and correct myself. Perhaps this comes from being such a visible family when we're with our kids. I am so used to people looking at us now, that it rarely phases me. When I am out with my husband, or just by myself, I know I can "blend" in and be less noticable. (Ok, except for when I was at Costco this afternoon and locked my keys in the truck and got my arm stuck through the 2" window openning.)
As I sat waiting for the BCAA tow truck driver to rescue me, I passed the time people watching, which is usually quite entertaining. Another exercise in "being judgy". From fashion faux-pas, to bad drivers, to screaming children; I saw them all. I passed the 45 minute wait noting my initial judgement of the person(s), and then thinking about how if I was a perfect person, what would I be thinking about those people. But if I was a perfect person, I guess I would know enough to just mind my own business wouldn't I?
Another event that happened this past weekend worth noting on this "judgy" topic of conversation. My friend Ola, who is black, was with my kids and I in the WalMart in Penticton on Saturday. She noticed it before I did. Ola said, "Did ya notice how no one even looks at you twice when I'm with you and your kids?" Yup, everyone just assumes they're her kids. Ha! I guess that means they're blaming her for my daughter's bad hair day!
And here's another shopping experience I had recently. I was in Fabricland and kept running in to a grandmotherly type woman with a young boy of about 4. She was looking for pure cotton fabric because he can't have anything else touching his skin as it drives him (and therefore, her) crazy. I kept bumping into them and chatting with the two of them, and of course we ended up at the cashier at the same time. She looked exhausted and we were commiserating about how tough it is to find the time to sew when you have little kids around all the time. I mentioned that by the time they get to bed, we're ready for bed ourselves. Then she said that she was adopting this little guy and he is very hyper due to being born addicted to crack cocaine. (Yes, I know, we're all making judgements that perhaps the line up at Fabricland was not the best place to reveal his information.) But I bet she felt everyone was thinking she's his Grandma and why can't she keep this kid under control?
But I smiled at her, told her I have two of those kids too. I gave her my business card and suggested she call me and we can talk. I really hope she calls me, but I won't be making any snap judgements if she doesn't.
Monday, September 28, 2009
Homework
As I write this, my grade six daughter is practicing the clarinet in the room next to me. I have to admit, she is getting better than she was a week ago; alot few squeaks and more "music-ish" sounds coming from her room.
My other two are upstairs playing some kind of Nerf Dart Tag game that involves running, crashing and loud voices. Oh wait, that loud voice is my husband telling them to settle down or go outside. It's dark outside. Earlier he was trying to watch the news while they played Lego; and of course that wasn't a quiet game either. It involved Star Wars Storm Troopers fighting against Indiana Jones and Super Mario.
This type of play always reminds me of that movie "Stand By Me" when the boys are walking across the train trestle and arguing whether Mighty Mouse could beat Superman. I guess you have to be a kid to get it.
My other two (the medicated duo) did their homework earlier this afternoon before their meds wore off. Although they complain at the time, they are certainly better able to focus at 4 pm than at 7 pm. Plus then it leaves their evening free for playing. My son in grade 4 had his first homework today with a list of 20 words he has to know how to spell by Friday. I read the words off to him and he spelled them all correctly the first time. Whoo Hoo!
My daughter in grade 5 who is the most challenged by FASD does not do so well. She had about half of her words misspelled and some of them didn't even make sense. Last week we practiced her 20 words every day. Every day she would get different ones wrong from the day before. So then I would have her copy them out correctly 3 times, and that was all. Not once in those 4 days did she get all 20 words right, and I'm not even sure she knew the meaning of all of them. Oh sure, she could tell me what the word meant when I used it in a sentence, but then to look at the word and know what it meant was very challenging for her. Some of them she got, some she didn't have a clue. But on her spelling test she got 17 out of 20 so that's great. But I wonder if she feels bad that her brother who's younger, and her sister who's older, generally do much better than her in school. Does she even notice? She doesn't seem to. I guess that can be a good thing and a not-so-good thing.
When she was younger I kind of thought it was good she wasn't bothered by what people thought of her choice in clothing for example. But the distance between herself and her peers seems to be growing, and perhaps it would be good if she noticed some of the differences. Because her peers seem to be noticing. But then, would she be able to keep up with them? Not likely. So if she did notice the differences between herself and her peers, is she supposed to feel bad enough to be motivated to try harder to keep up? That's not going to happen for her. Her brain can't do that. So why should she feel bad because she can't do what others can?
I've heard other parents of FASD kids say that their kids really resent being labelled as "challenged". The kids insist they're not "one of those retards". Our kids don't look mentally challenged, but they are. All to different degrees, and no two the same. Parents of FASD young adults talk about how difficult it was 15 years ago when their kids were in school and no one knew anything about FASD. I can only hope that in 15 years from now, FASD will be as well known and accepted as dyslexia or autism.
My daughter has 10 more minutes of practice time...10 long minutes. (Note to self - keep a set of ear plugs in my desk to help muffle the "music".) I remember when I was in band for my first year and we thought we were soooo good. Then we heard a recording of it - how depressing to discover we were really lousy. I mean really lousy. But I did stay in band all the way from grade 7 to grade 12 and I had a great time. Especially on the band trips. Plus most of my friends were in band too, and there was no way I was joining drama and I didn't have any art skills beyond paint-by-numbers.
Oh well, tomorrow's another day. Hope it's a good one for all of us1
My other two are upstairs playing some kind of Nerf Dart Tag game that involves running, crashing and loud voices. Oh wait, that loud voice is my husband telling them to settle down or go outside. It's dark outside. Earlier he was trying to watch the news while they played Lego; and of course that wasn't a quiet game either. It involved Star Wars Storm Troopers fighting against Indiana Jones and Super Mario.
This type of play always reminds me of that movie "Stand By Me" when the boys are walking across the train trestle and arguing whether Mighty Mouse could beat Superman. I guess you have to be a kid to get it.
My other two (the medicated duo) did their homework earlier this afternoon before their meds wore off. Although they complain at the time, they are certainly better able to focus at 4 pm than at 7 pm. Plus then it leaves their evening free for playing. My son in grade 4 had his first homework today with a list of 20 words he has to know how to spell by Friday. I read the words off to him and he spelled them all correctly the first time. Whoo Hoo!
My daughter in grade 5 who is the most challenged by FASD does not do so well. She had about half of her words misspelled and some of them didn't even make sense. Last week we practiced her 20 words every day. Every day she would get different ones wrong from the day before. So then I would have her copy them out correctly 3 times, and that was all. Not once in those 4 days did she get all 20 words right, and I'm not even sure she knew the meaning of all of them. Oh sure, she could tell me what the word meant when I used it in a sentence, but then to look at the word and know what it meant was very challenging for her. Some of them she got, some she didn't have a clue. But on her spelling test she got 17 out of 20 so that's great. But I wonder if she feels bad that her brother who's younger, and her sister who's older, generally do much better than her in school. Does she even notice? She doesn't seem to. I guess that can be a good thing and a not-so-good thing.
When she was younger I kind of thought it was good she wasn't bothered by what people thought of her choice in clothing for example. But the distance between herself and her peers seems to be growing, and perhaps it would be good if she noticed some of the differences. Because her peers seem to be noticing. But then, would she be able to keep up with them? Not likely. So if she did notice the differences between herself and her peers, is she supposed to feel bad enough to be motivated to try harder to keep up? That's not going to happen for her. Her brain can't do that. So why should she feel bad because she can't do what others can?
I've heard other parents of FASD kids say that their kids really resent being labelled as "challenged". The kids insist they're not "one of those retards". Our kids don't look mentally challenged, but they are. All to different degrees, and no two the same. Parents of FASD young adults talk about how difficult it was 15 years ago when their kids were in school and no one knew anything about FASD. I can only hope that in 15 years from now, FASD will be as well known and accepted as dyslexia or autism.
My daughter has 10 more minutes of practice time...10 long minutes. (Note to self - keep a set of ear plugs in my desk to help muffle the "music".) I remember when I was in band for my first year and we thought we were soooo good. Then we heard a recording of it - how depressing to discover we were really lousy. I mean really lousy. But I did stay in band all the way from grade 7 to grade 12 and I had a great time. Especially on the band trips. Plus most of my friends were in band too, and there was no way I was joining drama and I didn't have any art skills beyond paint-by-numbers.
Oh well, tomorrow's another day. Hope it's a good one for all of us1
Friday, September 25, 2009
The morning routine
Every school morning it's the same thing, or pretty close to the same thing.
Step 1: Wake up L & X (and wonder why haven't their alarm clocks gone off? I bought them all clocks so I wouldn't have to do this.They probably took them out used them in the Wii remotes.)
Step 2: Wake up L & X again by turning on the lights and pulling covers off.
Step 3: Remind L to do her blood test and take meds.
Step 4: Remind X to take his meds.
Step 5: Make sure C is awake (she actually uses her alarm)
Step 6: Repeat step 4
Step 7: Encourage L to decide what she wants to eat instead of starring into the pantry or fridge
Step 8: Repeat Step 4 in a very very firm voice.
Step 9: Make three different sandwiches for lunches: Cheese and mayo for X, ham and mayo for L, and peanut butter and honey for C
Step 10: Insist X get dressed before he eats (this is where he whines how hungry he is and I tell him to get dressed quickly, then he can eat)
Step 11: Encourage L to eat in big kid bites not mouse bites
Step 12: Try to tune out C singing the latest pop song (today it was "Party in the USA" by Miley Cyrus)
Step 13: Repeat step 11
Step 14: Repeat step 10
Step 15: Repeat step 11
Step 16: Make sure X uses a small bowl for cereal not a mixing bowl full to the top
Step 17: Repeat step 11
Step 18: Pour large cup of coffee for me
Step 19: Help C decide which bracelets, belt, earring, hair band, etc. to accessorize her outfit.
Step 20: Repeat step 11
Step 21: Find where I put my coffee cup
Step 22: Make sure X has clean socks, shirt and shorts on
Step 23: Send L to get dressed with reminders of deoderant and moisturizer
Step 24: Finish packing lunches, sign planners and all permission forms that have only just appeared but are due today
Step 25: Rotate all 3 children through the bathroom for teeth and face (X usually 2-3 rotations, L usually 2 and C usually 2 which includes cleaning up all the wardrobe rejects of the morning)
Step 26: Repeat step 12
Step 27: If by some miracle someone actually says they're done everything, list off the tasks and send them back to do what they missed, including making the bed
Step 28: If I've found my coffee, consume it
Step 29: Check list of activities for the day and make sure each kid has bathing suit & towel/musical instrument/homework/gym strip/fill in the blank
Step 30: Give 5 minute warning before it's time to leave for the bus
Step 31: Stand back while the parade of backpacks, hoodies and shoes fill up the entryway
Step 32: Remind whoever will be taking the bus home to actually get ON the bus after school
Step 33: Kiss and hug all children goodbye
Step 34: Stay close by in case someone runs back because they've forgotten something
Step 35: Make sure bus has cleared the stop with all 3 kids on it
Step 36: Find coffee (which is usually right in front of me), sit down, relax.
Yup, just your average day.
Step 1: Wake up L & X (and wonder why haven't their alarm clocks gone off? I bought them all clocks so I wouldn't have to do this.They probably took them out used them in the Wii remotes.)
Step 2: Wake up L & X again by turning on the lights and pulling covers off.
Step 3: Remind L to do her blood test and take meds.
Step 4: Remind X to take his meds.
Step 5: Make sure C is awake (she actually uses her alarm)
Step 6: Repeat step 4
Step 7: Encourage L to decide what she wants to eat instead of starring into the pantry or fridge
Step 8: Repeat Step 4 in a very very firm voice.
Step 9: Make three different sandwiches for lunches: Cheese and mayo for X, ham and mayo for L, and peanut butter and honey for C
Step 10: Insist X get dressed before he eats (this is where he whines how hungry he is and I tell him to get dressed quickly, then he can eat)
Step 11: Encourage L to eat in big kid bites not mouse bites
Step 12: Try to tune out C singing the latest pop song (today it was "Party in the USA" by Miley Cyrus)
Step 13: Repeat step 11
Step 14: Repeat step 10
Step 15: Repeat step 11
Step 16: Make sure X uses a small bowl for cereal not a mixing bowl full to the top
Step 17: Repeat step 11
Step 18: Pour large cup of coffee for me
Step 19: Help C decide which bracelets, belt, earring, hair band, etc. to accessorize her outfit.
Step 20: Repeat step 11
Step 21: Find where I put my coffee cup
Step 22: Make sure X has clean socks, shirt and shorts on
Step 23: Send L to get dressed with reminders of deoderant and moisturizer
Step 24: Finish packing lunches, sign planners and all permission forms that have only just appeared but are due today
Step 25: Rotate all 3 children through the bathroom for teeth and face (X usually 2-3 rotations, L usually 2 and C usually 2 which includes cleaning up all the wardrobe rejects of the morning)
Step 26: Repeat step 12
Step 27: If by some miracle someone actually says they're done everything, list off the tasks and send them back to do what they missed, including making the bed
Step 28: If I've found my coffee, consume it
Step 29: Check list of activities for the day and make sure each kid has bathing suit & towel/musical instrument/homework/gym strip/fill in the blank
Step 30: Give 5 minute warning before it's time to leave for the bus
Step 31: Stand back while the parade of backpacks, hoodies and shoes fill up the entryway
Step 32: Remind whoever will be taking the bus home to actually get ON the bus after school
Step 33: Kiss and hug all children goodbye
Step 34: Stay close by in case someone runs back because they've forgotten something
Step 35: Make sure bus has cleared the stop with all 3 kids on it
Step 36: Find coffee (which is usually right in front of me), sit down, relax.
Yup, just your average day.
Thursday, September 24, 2009
The right support people
I was at the diabetic clinic with my daughter the other day, and yet again, I was reminded of the importance of having good professionals involved with my kids.
For those of you who don't have a child with diabetes, here's how the diabetic clinic works. Every 3 months the diabetic team meets with the child and parent(s) to go over the plans and care of the child to see what's working, what isn't, does medication need to be adjusted, etc. There's the diabetic nurse educator - her name is Cathy and she's been involved with us almost since diagnosis. Then there's the revolving door of dietician/nutritionists and of course the interns who are also constantly changing. And the pediatric endocrinologist is there too.
So first we met with Cathy and dietician. I can't even remember her name, and it probably doesn't matter because she wasn't there last time and more than likely she won't be there next time either. She has never met my daughter and other than quickly reading her chart really doesn't have a clue about her. Cathy however, is wonderful and welcoming to my daughter and she talks to her like an old friend. I can't speak for other parents, but for my daughter with FASD, seeing the same faces every time is so important. Cathy remembers to ask her about her favorite stuffed animal, she remembers what they talked about last time, and just generally connects with my daughter.
And you can see the anxiety building up in my daughter as she is faced with a barrage of questions from the other two (dietician and student) at the table. Her feet are shuffling and her legs are bouncing and she's playing with the strings on her hoodie, while giving one word answers to their many questions. I'm not one of those moms who answer the questions for my kids; I keep quiet and let them answer.
So while Cathy and I discuss the insulin pump and sensor and try to figure out what we need to tweak the dosages, I'm trying to give the other two professionals a bit of background on some of my daughter's challenges. (Note to self: next time just make general conversation). Then after we get the dosages figured out, we start talking with the dietician about food issues and I try to explain my daughter's inablility to stop herself from taking sweets any chance she gets, and what we're doing to try and stem that. And then it happened...the nutrionist leaned into my daughter and said "It's ok, we all crave sweets now and then".
No,it is NOT ok. For crying out loud - this kids has FASD. She's not the same as you! She doesn't crave sweets "now and then" she craves them ALL the time. And she can't stop herself. I just wanted to scream at the woman.
After that part was over, I talked to Cathy outside the office and told her how much damage that one comment could do. Cathy looked as frustrated as I was. She "gets" it. Cathy said she'd speak with the dietician and try to explain to her. But I could feel Cathy's frustration too. It's tough to have to educate every newbie that comes along. Yeah well, when I rule the world things will be different.
For those of you who don't have a child with diabetes, here's how the diabetic clinic works. Every 3 months the diabetic team meets with the child and parent(s) to go over the plans and care of the child to see what's working, what isn't, does medication need to be adjusted, etc. There's the diabetic nurse educator - her name is Cathy and she's been involved with us almost since diagnosis. Then there's the revolving door of dietician/nutritionists and of course the interns who are also constantly changing. And the pediatric endocrinologist is there too.
So first we met with Cathy and dietician. I can't even remember her name, and it probably doesn't matter because she wasn't there last time and more than likely she won't be there next time either. She has never met my daughter and other than quickly reading her chart really doesn't have a clue about her. Cathy however, is wonderful and welcoming to my daughter and she talks to her like an old friend. I can't speak for other parents, but for my daughter with FASD, seeing the same faces every time is so important. Cathy remembers to ask her about her favorite stuffed animal, she remembers what they talked about last time, and just generally connects with my daughter.
And you can see the anxiety building up in my daughter as she is faced with a barrage of questions from the other two (dietician and student) at the table. Her feet are shuffling and her legs are bouncing and she's playing with the strings on her hoodie, while giving one word answers to their many questions. I'm not one of those moms who answer the questions for my kids; I keep quiet and let them answer.
So while Cathy and I discuss the insulin pump and sensor and try to figure out what we need to tweak the dosages, I'm trying to give the other two professionals a bit of background on some of my daughter's challenges. (Note to self: next time just make general conversation). Then after we get the dosages figured out, we start talking with the dietician about food issues and I try to explain my daughter's inablility to stop herself from taking sweets any chance she gets, and what we're doing to try and stem that. And then it happened...the nutrionist leaned into my daughter and said "It's ok, we all crave sweets now and then".
No,it is NOT ok. For crying out loud - this kids has FASD. She's not the same as you! She doesn't crave sweets "now and then" she craves them ALL the time. And she can't stop herself. I just wanted to scream at the woman.
After that part was over, I talked to Cathy outside the office and told her how much damage that one comment could do. Cathy looked as frustrated as I was. She "gets" it. Cathy said she'd speak with the dietician and try to explain to her. But I could feel Cathy's frustration too. It's tough to have to educate every newbie that comes along. Yeah well, when I rule the world things will be different.
FASD Support Group Visit
I got my fix! Tuesday night I went on my second trip to Kelowna in one day to attend the FASD support group. It's a small group of very experienced parents that I've been in contact with over the years.
When I first met up with them my younger two kids were just about to be placed with us, and knowing that they had been exposed to alcohol in-utero I thought I should get connected. I came away from that first meeting feeling very overwhelmed and that FASD was going to be so much more than I could handle. I was very discouraged. I can't remember if there was anything specific that disillusioned me, but just an overall very negative feeling.
Fast forward to a few months after the kids were in our home and I went to another meeting. Granted I had only a few months of experience living with FASD, but I knew that I needed support because parenting these kids was quite a bit different than parenting a typical child. So off I went to Kelowna for another FASD support group meeting. I remember coming out of that session feeling not quite so discouraged or overwhelmed. I had heard stories way worse than mine. And although those stories were heartbreaking and sometimes unthinkable, I really felt included. I didn't feel like I was the only one who was trying to deal with the insane logic of a child with FASD. I felt like finally someone understood how tough it was.
Over the years I've been to a few more of the group meetings and networked with some of the members; met for coffee etc. But as life got busier with school and activities I hadn't connected for awhile. Then as fate would have it, one of the moms from the group responded to an email I had sent out regarding the True Colours Kelowna sessions. Once again I was reminded of how important it is for me to connect with other FASD parents. I make such an effort to connect my kids culturally, but I was neglected the connections I needed for myself. I needed the culture of other FASD parents.
At the meeting on Tuesday there were just 3 couples and myself. I had met all of them before so I felt at ease right away. (It always amazes me how I can talk to a large group of people about adoption no problem, but when it comes to getting my own support needs met I can be so insecure. I'm sure there's expensive therapy to deal with that!)
I couldn't believe how quickly the time passed. It was so theraputic to laugh about the craziness of our kids, and to hear that others who have been doing this for such a long time already, are still dealing with, and able to laugh about it all. From the frustrations of trying to find jobs for the young adults with FASD, to boyfriend and girlfriend issues, to trying to brush a kids' teeth when the kid is taller than you, were all up for discussion.
Just to hear the empathy in the voices of other parents felt so good to me. I found a place where I can laugh and cry about the challenges and joys (yes, there are many joys too!) in a very supportive environment.
My next challenge is to find a babysitter for my kids so my husband can come with me next time.
When I first met up with them my younger two kids were just about to be placed with us, and knowing that they had been exposed to alcohol in-utero I thought I should get connected. I came away from that first meeting feeling very overwhelmed and that FASD was going to be so much more than I could handle. I was very discouraged. I can't remember if there was anything specific that disillusioned me, but just an overall very negative feeling.
Fast forward to a few months after the kids were in our home and I went to another meeting. Granted I had only a few months of experience living with FASD, but I knew that I needed support because parenting these kids was quite a bit different than parenting a typical child. So off I went to Kelowna for another FASD support group meeting. I remember coming out of that session feeling not quite so discouraged or overwhelmed. I had heard stories way worse than mine. And although those stories were heartbreaking and sometimes unthinkable, I really felt included. I didn't feel like I was the only one who was trying to deal with the insane logic of a child with FASD. I felt like finally someone understood how tough it was.
Over the years I've been to a few more of the group meetings and networked with some of the members; met for coffee etc. But as life got busier with school and activities I hadn't connected for awhile. Then as fate would have it, one of the moms from the group responded to an email I had sent out regarding the True Colours Kelowna sessions. Once again I was reminded of how important it is for me to connect with other FASD parents. I make such an effort to connect my kids culturally, but I was neglected the connections I needed for myself. I needed the culture of other FASD parents.
At the meeting on Tuesday there were just 3 couples and myself. I had met all of them before so I felt at ease right away. (It always amazes me how I can talk to a large group of people about adoption no problem, but when it comes to getting my own support needs met I can be so insecure. I'm sure there's expensive therapy to deal with that!)
I couldn't believe how quickly the time passed. It was so theraputic to laugh about the craziness of our kids, and to hear that others who have been doing this for such a long time already, are still dealing with, and able to laugh about it all. From the frustrations of trying to find jobs for the young adults with FASD, to boyfriend and girlfriend issues, to trying to brush a kids' teeth when the kid is taller than you, were all up for discussion.
Just to hear the empathy in the voices of other parents felt so good to me. I found a place where I can laugh and cry about the challenges and joys (yes, there are many joys too!) in a very supportive environment.
My next challenge is to find a babysitter for my kids so my husband can come with me next time.
Tuesday, September 22, 2009
True Colours Kelowna - Thank you letter
Take a look at this wonderful letter I received about the True Colours Kelowna event on Sunday Sept. 20th.
September 2009
On behalf of my family, I would like to thank all involved with the True Colours Mentoring group. My children had a great time and are eager to return. This group keeps getting bigger and better, thanks to the outstanding guidance and energy of Ola. This new year had a great start, especially with so many new mentors! What a wonderful opportunity for our children to spend time with these positive role models. Also, the children attending are from all ages which help to create a family atmosphere. I firmly believe that it takes a village to raise a child, and this is a great addition to our village. We will definitely spread the word to our friends.
Thank you Ola and mentors!!!
The Ginter Family
This is why we do what we do! And let me add my thanks to our many mentors and especially Ola for their time and their talents to make this project so successful.
September 2009
On behalf of my family, I would like to thank all involved with the True Colours Mentoring group. My children had a great time and are eager to return. This group keeps getting bigger and better, thanks to the outstanding guidance and energy of Ola. This new year had a great start, especially with so many new mentors! What a wonderful opportunity for our children to spend time with these positive role models. Also, the children attending are from all ages which help to create a family atmosphere. I firmly believe that it takes a village to raise a child, and this is a great addition to our village. We will definitely spread the word to our friends.
Thank you Ola and mentors!!!
The Ginter Family
This is why we do what we do! And let me add my thanks to our many mentors and especially Ola for their time and their talents to make this project so successful.
Monday, September 21, 2009
Just your average day...
It's 5 pm and I should be making dinner but no. My oldest daughter is just learning to play the clarinet, and although I certainly admire her tenacity, it's so very painful to listen to. She has to practice 30 min a day (I'm sure the music teacher gets such a kick out of this time of year thinking about what parents of his new band students are listening to). And my oldest is a rule follower and has already finished her homework too. Well at least one of the three is liking school.
My middle daughter has ADD so doing homework before the meds wear off is crucial. But not if she had her way about it. She's home by 3 pm so I let her have an hour or so to veg out, have a snack, and watch tv. Then it's time for spelling. Sigh. I hate spelling. She finished the work quite quickly and fixed the errors I found. Then I called out the words while she wrote them down. She had about 10 of the 20 spelled incorrectly, so then I have her copy out the correct spelling 3 times for each word. Tomorrow we'll try again and she may remember how to spell them, or she may not. Such is the brain of a child with FASD.
Meanwhile, my son who is ADHD was supposed to be packing up all the recycling for garbage day tomorrow. Although he complains about doing it, it gives him a chance to crush boxes by jumping up and down repeatedly on them. And of course he has to chat the whole time he's doing it about how he wishes the guy who invented Lego lived in our town and how he wishes he could play with this guy's kid and they could try out all the new Lego, yada yada yada. Right now he's supposed to be doing his 20 minutes of reading, and even though he chooses his own books it's always a battle.
Oh, and did I mention my middle daughter with FASD is currently scrubbing her mattress to try to clean the stains off of, and smell out of. It must have been several days ago when she peed it, but instead of changing the sheets or telling someone about it, she chooses to sleep on it night after night until I discover it. Now you'd think the smell would give it away, but that was not the case today. I was doing my usual check of her bed to see if she had any food hidden because I did a huge shop at Costco yesterday, and that's usually when I find stuff. And I heard her up in the middle of the night but I had forgotten to lock down the pantry.
Yup, just your average day around here. Now you see why I'm going to that FASD support group tomorrow night?
My middle daughter has ADD so doing homework before the meds wear off is crucial. But not if she had her way about it. She's home by 3 pm so I let her have an hour or so to veg out, have a snack, and watch tv. Then it's time for spelling. Sigh. I hate spelling. She finished the work quite quickly and fixed the errors I found. Then I called out the words while she wrote them down. She had about 10 of the 20 spelled incorrectly, so then I have her copy out the correct spelling 3 times for each word. Tomorrow we'll try again and she may remember how to spell them, or she may not. Such is the brain of a child with FASD.
Meanwhile, my son who is ADHD was supposed to be packing up all the recycling for garbage day tomorrow. Although he complains about doing it, it gives him a chance to crush boxes by jumping up and down repeatedly on them. And of course he has to chat the whole time he's doing it about how he wishes the guy who invented Lego lived in our town and how he wishes he could play with this guy's kid and they could try out all the new Lego, yada yada yada. Right now he's supposed to be doing his 20 minutes of reading, and even though he chooses his own books it's always a battle.
Oh, and did I mention my middle daughter with FASD is currently scrubbing her mattress to try to clean the stains off of, and smell out of. It must have been several days ago when she peed it, but instead of changing the sheets or telling someone about it, she chooses to sleep on it night after night until I discover it. Now you'd think the smell would give it away, but that was not the case today. I was doing my usual check of her bed to see if she had any food hidden because I did a huge shop at Costco yesterday, and that's usually when I find stuff. And I heard her up in the middle of the night but I had forgotten to lock down the pantry.
Yup, just your average day around here. Now you see why I'm going to that FASD support group tomorrow night?
It's Monday
Wow that weekend went by quickly. I guess we really are back in the swing of things.
I had lunch on Friday with 3 girl friends. We always get together for each other's birthdays and sometimes we can go months without seeing each other. But when we do, it's as if no time at all has passed. 3 of us have girls in grade 6, middle school, french immersion. The other 3 moms have boys in grade 8 french immersion, and one mom has a daughter in grade 11. None of them have kids through adoption, but all of them have varying levels of challenges in their families.
One mom has a daughter who is absolutely terrified of loud noises such as thunder and fireworks. Now the fireworks are obviously easy to avoid, but thunder storms are quite common in our area throughout the summer. They have had to cancel vacations, leave social events early, and outright avoid other events completely all because of their daughter. This girl is a very sweet kid but doesn't have many friends.
Another mom has an extremely anxious daughter who pushes herself to excel at sports, while her son is somewhat quirky and has difficulty knowing what is socially acceptable.
And the other mom has a great relationship with her teenage daughter. Her son is a great kid, but a bit socially immature.
I love hanging out with these three wonderful women. They may not have adoption issues, but we all have challenges with our kids. We all struggle with being over 40, trying to stay somewhat fit, work part time, keep our household somewhat under control, and have time for our husbands too.
In my role as an adoption support coordinator it can be tough to find the support I need, when I need it. These three women help fill that void for me. It also helps remind me that some of my kids' issues are just that - kid issues and not related to adoption or special needs. Of course their challenges from the damage their birth mom did to them while in-utero is significant and I can never forget that. But it doesn't have to be the only thing I focus on when I'm venting about my kids, or how I can't keep up to the laundry pile, or deciding what to make for dinner.
But I definitely need the support around the special needs my kids have, and I need people who know what it's like. I need to have a place where I can not be the facilitator or the one giving support. I need to receive it too. And right on cue, when I was having a tough day with my 10 year old - going on 7 year old - FASD daughter, the phone rang and it was Gina inviting me to the FASD support group in Kelowna on Tuesday night. It's a small group that I've been to a few years ago of adoptive parents of FASD kids. Some kids are younger than mine, most are older and attempting independence. I know that nothing I say in this group will be a shock or surprise to anyone. At this group I am not an adoption support coordinator, I'm just another mom in need of support.
It doesn't matter that I have to take my daughter to the diabetic clinic in Kelowna that afternoon, then drive home, pick up my oldest daughter from her cross country running club, get home, make dinner, then head back to Kelowna for 7:30 that evening. I will do it for me. Yes, for me.
I had lunch on Friday with 3 girl friends. We always get together for each other's birthdays and sometimes we can go months without seeing each other. But when we do, it's as if no time at all has passed. 3 of us have girls in grade 6, middle school, french immersion. The other 3 moms have boys in grade 8 french immersion, and one mom has a daughter in grade 11. None of them have kids through adoption, but all of them have varying levels of challenges in their families.
One mom has a daughter who is absolutely terrified of loud noises such as thunder and fireworks. Now the fireworks are obviously easy to avoid, but thunder storms are quite common in our area throughout the summer. They have had to cancel vacations, leave social events early, and outright avoid other events completely all because of their daughter. This girl is a very sweet kid but doesn't have many friends.
Another mom has an extremely anxious daughter who pushes herself to excel at sports, while her son is somewhat quirky and has difficulty knowing what is socially acceptable.
And the other mom has a great relationship with her teenage daughter. Her son is a great kid, but a bit socially immature.
I love hanging out with these three wonderful women. They may not have adoption issues, but we all have challenges with our kids. We all struggle with being over 40, trying to stay somewhat fit, work part time, keep our household somewhat under control, and have time for our husbands too.
In my role as an adoption support coordinator it can be tough to find the support I need, when I need it. These three women help fill that void for me. It also helps remind me that some of my kids' issues are just that - kid issues and not related to adoption or special needs. Of course their challenges from the damage their birth mom did to them while in-utero is significant and I can never forget that. But it doesn't have to be the only thing I focus on when I'm venting about my kids, or how I can't keep up to the laundry pile, or deciding what to make for dinner.
But I definitely need the support around the special needs my kids have, and I need people who know what it's like. I need to have a place where I can not be the facilitator or the one giving support. I need to receive it too. And right on cue, when I was having a tough day with my 10 year old - going on 7 year old - FASD daughter, the phone rang and it was Gina inviting me to the FASD support group in Kelowna on Tuesday night. It's a small group that I've been to a few years ago of adoptive parents of FASD kids. Some kids are younger than mine, most are older and attempting independence. I know that nothing I say in this group will be a shock or surprise to anyone. At this group I am not an adoption support coordinator, I'm just another mom in need of support.
It doesn't matter that I have to take my daughter to the diabetic clinic in Kelowna that afternoon, then drive home, pick up my oldest daughter from her cross country running club, get home, make dinner, then head back to Kelowna for 7:30 that evening. I will do it for me. Yes, for me.
Thursday, September 17, 2009
Books, books and more books.
So what have you been reading lately? Almost everyone I know has read, or is currently reading "The Book of Negroes" by Lawrence Hill. Have you read it? I've tried to read it twice but just couldn't get into it. Other people have said the loved it. I usually enjoy historical fiction, but...
I started reading "Any Known Blood" also by Lawrence Hill. I'm almost finished it and I'm really enjoying it. This one takes place in modern day and follows a 38 year old bi-racial man who tries to trace his family heritage back and forth from the US to Canada via the underground railway and back again. It's another long novel though, so be warned it will take you awhile to read it.
The kids and I went to the library the other day and I found the great book called "The Bite of the Mango". Have you heard about this? I read a review of it a few months ago and I kept meaning to request it from the library. It's the true story of Mariatu who was growing up in Sierra Leone quite happily until the age of 12 when armed rebels attached and brutally cut off both her hands so she would go the president and show him what happens to people who vote for his party. I was a little skeptical that I could read this true life account but it's fascinating. She writes quite simply and doesn't dwell on the savagery of the attack but more about her journey and her ability to recover from the event. It's a true story about what it is like to be child victim of war and the ability to transform her life. Mariatu is now a UNICEF Special Representative for Children and Armed Conflict.
I also picked up a Carol Shields book called "A Celibate Season" that looks good. I read her "Stone Diaries" a few years ago and enjoyed it, so hopefully this will be good too. This one's about a married couple who are faced with a 10 month separation and this is their letters to each other over that period of time.
Did you ever read "Songs in Ordinary Time" by Mary McGarry Morris? I think it was one of Oprah's book club selections. The first line is "The murder is seldom discussed without someone recalling that warm summer autumn night years before when Martha Hogan was only seventeen, and Bob Hobart, a classmate, offered her a ride home from the library." I'm hooked. Can't wait to read it.
And in big anticipation of my oven being back "on line", I picked up Rachel Ray's Big Orange Book". By this time of year I am so very tired of the usual summer type foods and looking for inspiration for some new recipies that are easy but yummy. So I should probably look through this book before I head to Costco this weekend. Hmmm, maybe I'll do that while I eat my lunch today.
Let me know if you've read any of these books, and any suggestions you have for my next trip to the library.
I started reading "Any Known Blood" also by Lawrence Hill. I'm almost finished it and I'm really enjoying it. This one takes place in modern day and follows a 38 year old bi-racial man who tries to trace his family heritage back and forth from the US to Canada via the underground railway and back again. It's another long novel though, so be warned it will take you awhile to read it.
The kids and I went to the library the other day and I found the great book called "The Bite of the Mango". Have you heard about this? I read a review of it a few months ago and I kept meaning to request it from the library. It's the true story of Mariatu who was growing up in Sierra Leone quite happily until the age of 12 when armed rebels attached and brutally cut off both her hands so she would go the president and show him what happens to people who vote for his party. I was a little skeptical that I could read this true life account but it's fascinating. She writes quite simply and doesn't dwell on the savagery of the attack but more about her journey and her ability to recover from the event. It's a true story about what it is like to be child victim of war and the ability to transform her life. Mariatu is now a UNICEF Special Representative for Children and Armed Conflict.
I also picked up a Carol Shields book called "A Celibate Season" that looks good. I read her "Stone Diaries" a few years ago and enjoyed it, so hopefully this will be good too. This one's about a married couple who are faced with a 10 month separation and this is their letters to each other over that period of time.
Did you ever read "Songs in Ordinary Time" by Mary McGarry Morris? I think it was one of Oprah's book club selections. The first line is "The murder is seldom discussed without someone recalling that warm summer autumn night years before when Martha Hogan was only seventeen, and Bob Hobart, a classmate, offered her a ride home from the library." I'm hooked. Can't wait to read it.
And in big anticipation of my oven being back "on line", I picked up Rachel Ray's Big Orange Book". By this time of year I am so very tired of the usual summer type foods and looking for inspiration for some new recipies that are easy but yummy. So I should probably look through this book before I head to Costco this weekend. Hmmm, maybe I'll do that while I eat my lunch today.
Let me know if you've read any of these books, and any suggestions you have for my next trip to the library.
Wednesday, September 16, 2009
Oh it's a happy happy happy day today.
I never thought this day would come, but here it is....my oven is fixed! Yes, finally the part came in. Since May I've been without an oven, only a stove top, but now, my wonderful self-cleaning convection oven is back.
I missed you, my wonderful oven. I promise to keep you clean, and I will try my hardest not to burn anything on your wonderful surfaces.
Good bye bbq and electric grill. I will save you for camping next year.
The repair man is leaving now, and I know once he's gone it will be just me and my oven. Oh how I've dreamed of this day, and now it's finally here.
I must go now. I have baking/broiling/roasting to do.
I missed you, my wonderful oven. I promise to keep you clean, and I will try my hardest not to burn anything on your wonderful surfaces.
Good bye bbq and electric grill. I will save you for camping next year.
The repair man is leaving now, and I know once he's gone it will be just me and my oven. Oh how I've dreamed of this day, and now it's finally here.
I must go now. I have baking/broiling/roasting to do.
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
It was fun while it lasted...
You see, whenever I have to go to Kamloops for work I stay with my parents who live there. It's convenient, clean, always available and the food is great. At little too great.
Ola, who is a great friend and my partner in crime when it comes to True Colours and Transracial Parenting Workshops, was with me and we had left our children and husbands behind. The weather was beautiful and I got to choose the music for the drive in the little rented Yaris. (Ola always brings gospel music or some other weird stuff so too bad this time she forgot her cds!)
We had a great meeting with the MCFD team in Kamloops and I dropped off 8 Welcome Home Baskets for families with new placements in the Kamloops area. Then we made the trip to the North Shore where I finally got to meet Monica who facilitates the long standing AFABC support group. We had a great visit too, but by then it's after 5 and time to head to my parents' place.
My mom's made a great dinner for us, and I brought a bottle of wine. (Too bad Ola doesn't drink wine, there was more for us!) And of course my mom made dessert. Peach pie with ice cream - it was sooo good. (And can you believe it, Ola doesn't LIKE ice cream! Again, more for me.) We watched some tv and had my mom's home made cookies (Ola does like those so I shared.) Note: I could of course make cookies myself...if I had an oven.
The next day we had a quick visit with Deanna who is starting a new playgroup in Kamloops (see the previous post for details). Time for lunch then running around doing some errands for the True Colours event the next day. Back to my parent's for another great dinner, more pie, more ice cream. Oh yeah, and more wine too. Sunday, my mom made pancakes. After lounging around for awhile we headed off to MacArthur Island for the first True Colours event in Kamloops. (Ola did all the work while I visited with the parents and looked after Sandy's foster daughter.) By the time we were out of there we were starving (hard to imagine I know!). Then we had to stop at White Spot for dinner before heading home. Phew!
But now it's Monday and back to whatever my reality is. The reality that I'm afraid to try to wear my jeans, so I must work off all that food and wine. It used to be so easy when I was in my twenties. Even in my thirties it wasn't all that hard. Now it sucks big time. So I pulled out my Jillian Michaels exercise dvd. It's a killer, but it works. None of my workouts are as sweat inducing as this one is. And there's no fancy footwork involved, no equipment except my own body weight. (No comments on that please!). I was drenched at the end of it. But I feel I have done my pennance for the food and wine. Three days of bad eating equals 5 days of heavy cardio. Will I learn from this? Nope. Cause I like pie and ice cream too much.
To quote the Katy Perry song "don't make the bet if you can't write the cheque". I'll just keep writing cheques thank you very much!
Ola, who is a great friend and my partner in crime when it comes to True Colours and Transracial Parenting Workshops, was with me and we had left our children and husbands behind. The weather was beautiful and I got to choose the music for the drive in the little rented Yaris. (Ola always brings gospel music or some other weird stuff so too bad this time she forgot her cds!)
We had a great meeting with the MCFD team in Kamloops and I dropped off 8 Welcome Home Baskets for families with new placements in the Kamloops area. Then we made the trip to the North Shore where I finally got to meet Monica who facilitates the long standing AFABC support group. We had a great visit too, but by then it's after 5 and time to head to my parents' place.
My mom's made a great dinner for us, and I brought a bottle of wine. (Too bad Ola doesn't drink wine, there was more for us!) And of course my mom made dessert. Peach pie with ice cream - it was sooo good. (And can you believe it, Ola doesn't LIKE ice cream! Again, more for me.) We watched some tv and had my mom's home made cookies (Ola does like those so I shared.) Note: I could of course make cookies myself...if I had an oven.
The next day we had a quick visit with Deanna who is starting a new playgroup in Kamloops (see the previous post for details). Time for lunch then running around doing some errands for the True Colours event the next day. Back to my parent's for another great dinner, more pie, more ice cream. Oh yeah, and more wine too. Sunday, my mom made pancakes. After lounging around for awhile we headed off to MacArthur Island for the first True Colours event in Kamloops. (Ola did all the work while I visited with the parents and looked after Sandy's foster daughter.) By the time we were out of there we were starving (hard to imagine I know!). Then we had to stop at White Spot for dinner before heading home. Phew!
But now it's Monday and back to whatever my reality is. The reality that I'm afraid to try to wear my jeans, so I must work off all that food and wine. It used to be so easy when I was in my twenties. Even in my thirties it wasn't all that hard. Now it sucks big time. So I pulled out my Jillian Michaels exercise dvd. It's a killer, but it works. None of my workouts are as sweat inducing as this one is. And there's no fancy footwork involved, no equipment except my own body weight. (No comments on that please!). I was drenched at the end of it. But I feel I have done my pennance for the food and wine. Three days of bad eating equals 5 days of heavy cardio. Will I learn from this? Nope. Cause I like pie and ice cream too much.
To quote the Katy Perry song "don't make the bet if you can't write the cheque". I'll just keep writing cheques thank you very much!
Monday, September 14, 2009
Wiggles and Giggles Playgroup - Kamlooops
Wiggles & Giggles Playgroup
The Adoptive Families Association of BC invites you to join us for an interactive playgroup for adoptive families with children 0 – 6 years old. We meet at the
“Y” Interactive Centre, Unit E 1420 Hugh Allan Dr
• join us for a morning of fun and games
• connect with other adoptive families
• share your excitement, your questions and concerns with other adoptive parents while the kids play
Time: 9 am – 11 am
Cost: $5/child or $15/family
Dates: Sat. Oct. 31 (Halloween Fun)
Sat. Nov. 21, Sat. Dec. 12 (Christmas Fun)
Sat. Jan. 16, Sat. Feb. 13 (Valentine Fun)
Sat. Mar. 13, Sat. Apr. 17 (Spring Fun)
Sat. May 22, Sat. June 19 (Summer Fun)
Contact: Deanna Jones 250-372-9673
Email: jones_a@telus.net or see our website at www.bcadopt.com
The Adoptive Families Association of BC invites you to join us for an interactive playgroup for adoptive families with children 0 – 6 years old. We meet at the
“Y” Interactive Centre, Unit E 1420 Hugh Allan Dr
• join us for a morning of fun and games
• connect with other adoptive families
• share your excitement, your questions and concerns with other adoptive parents while the kids play
Time: 9 am – 11 am
Cost: $5/child or $15/family
Dates: Sat. Oct. 31 (Halloween Fun)
Sat. Nov. 21, Sat. Dec. 12 (Christmas Fun)
Sat. Jan. 16, Sat. Feb. 13 (Valentine Fun)
Sat. Mar. 13, Sat. Apr. 17 (Spring Fun)
Sat. May 22, Sat. June 19 (Summer Fun)
Contact: Deanna Jones 250-372-9673
Email: jones_a@telus.net or see our website at www.bcadopt.com
Back on schedule...I hope!
Where did last week go to? Oh yeah, now I remember. I had the stomach flu. I never get the stomach flu, and although I felt very slim afterwards, I hope I never get it again. At least none of my kids got it. But the very worst part of having the stomach flu is right after I got it, my husband did.
I hate to stereotype, but c'mon! I still have to function when I'm sick. The kids still had to get off to the first day of school. I still had to pack their snacks and take the first day photo and all that stuff. Why is my husband unable to function at all when he's sick? How come he gets to have his own private pity party and stay in bed? And when he did get up to return work phone calls he couldn't even remember how to dial the phone to retrieve his messages! It's so not fair. Or equal. Or whatever. It just is.
And now since the kids are back to school during the day, I have moved back into my office downstairs. How did it get so messy over the summer? Who kept dumping all these things in my office? Why didn't I put it all away when I brought it in here? Oh yeah I remember now. I was much more interested in heading to the beach, or going for ice cream or some other more important thing. But the party's over. So it took me a few hours to get everything back into place and all pretty and organized. Whew! Now it's so much better.
Then I spent a few days getting organized for my road trip to Kamloops. Which of course meant organizing everything for the kids while I was gone for the weekend. Two of them had soccer on Saturday, my step-daughter was hosting my granddaughter's 4th birthday party in our yard with an Alice In Wonderland Theme, the kids really wanted to get to the Fall Fair, plus my husband was trying to get caught up on all his paperwork (no doubt he was behind from having the flu and not functioning - but I digress...)
My step-daugther Michele loves planning parties, especially for her daughter. From the decor, to the food, to the party favors and costumes. Of course she had her mom to help her, as well as all 3 of my kids and fortunately the weather held for the event of the season. Technically my granddaughter's birthday isn't until October but the weather is usually not great for an outside party. I can't wait to see the photos. Check them out on her blog at www.micheledyson.blogspot.com
So here I am, back at my laptop, with a promise to blog more often. (Unless of course I get the stomach flu again - ha!)
I hate to stereotype, but c'mon! I still have to function when I'm sick. The kids still had to get off to the first day of school. I still had to pack their snacks and take the first day photo and all that stuff. Why is my husband unable to function at all when he's sick? How come he gets to have his own private pity party and stay in bed? And when he did get up to return work phone calls he couldn't even remember how to dial the phone to retrieve his messages! It's so not fair. Or equal. Or whatever. It just is.
And now since the kids are back to school during the day, I have moved back into my office downstairs. How did it get so messy over the summer? Who kept dumping all these things in my office? Why didn't I put it all away when I brought it in here? Oh yeah I remember now. I was much more interested in heading to the beach, or going for ice cream or some other more important thing. But the party's over. So it took me a few hours to get everything back into place and all pretty and organized. Whew! Now it's so much better.
Then I spent a few days getting organized for my road trip to Kamloops. Which of course meant organizing everything for the kids while I was gone for the weekend. Two of them had soccer on Saturday, my step-daughter was hosting my granddaughter's 4th birthday party in our yard with an Alice In Wonderland Theme, the kids really wanted to get to the Fall Fair, plus my husband was trying to get caught up on all his paperwork (no doubt he was behind from having the flu and not functioning - but I digress...)
My step-daugther Michele loves planning parties, especially for her daughter. From the decor, to the food, to the party favors and costumes. Of course she had her mom to help her, as well as all 3 of my kids and fortunately the weather held for the event of the season. Technically my granddaughter's birthday isn't until October but the weather is usually not great for an outside party. I can't wait to see the photos. Check them out on her blog at www.micheledyson.blogspot.com
So here I am, back at my laptop, with a promise to blog more often. (Unless of course I get the stomach flu again - ha!)
Thursday, September 3, 2009
How can summer be over?
You know summer is over when you wake up to a thunder and lightning storm, and it's so dark outside it feels like November.
It's absolutely pouring rain outside and it feels like one of those days for sleeping in, sitting around watching daytime tv and eating chocolate chip cookies fresh from the oven.
I think I had a day like that once. It was a lifetime ago. Sleeping in? What's that like? I forget. Sitting around watching daytime tv? Haven't done that since my college days. Eating chocolate chip cookies fresh from the oven? Oh yeah, I can't do that either cause I. Still. Do. Not. Have. An. Oven.
How did this happen? Summer's over, it's back to school on Tuesday - sort of. We've been trying to cram in all the things we were going to do over the summer but never got around to doing, in this week. And here it is Thursday, and the storm really doesn't go well with cycling the KVR trail or having dinner at the beach. (But I bet we could easily find a parking spot!)
Last week my oldest was in a funk about how "we never do anything", "why don't we have rich friends with a boat so we can go tubing?" "I'm so bored." "we never do anything fun". "summer vacay isn't over you know". So after a day of listening to this, I suggested she come up with a schedule of things we should do for this week. And she did. We did a few of the things she wanted to do (still haven't found the rich friends with a boat), and hopefully we can get a few more things done.
My parents arrive today and tomorrow is their 50th wedding anniversary. We're not doing a huge party or anything - they didn't want that. Instead, they've offered to take all of us out for a nice dinner tomorrow night. They stay in the barn on the property that's been converted into a studio suite. So last night we all went over there and decorated it up with banners and a ton of balloons. We filled their tiny bathroom with balloons (hope they stop and use a washroom enroute!) and hid balloons in the fridge, the dryer, etc.
Now this may sound kinda odd, but we have this on-going joke with my parents. A few years ago near Easter time, we went over and hid Easter eggs everywhere. No big deal right? Well then at Christmas, when my parents and my sister and her husband were staying there, I felt we needed to up the level of the game. So I bought 3 packages of little green army men from the Dollar Store and hid them all over the place in the barn. In shoes, in coat pockets, in the beds, in the washer, the freezer, every little nook and cranny I could find. And especially in places I know they wouldn't find for quite a while. And I never told anyone. My dad, being the expert prankster, never said a word about it.
So fast forward a couple years to this summer and my dad was here looking after the dog and cat while we were away. We came home to find little green army guys everywhere. Glued to the trellis next to the deck, frozen into ice cube trays, attached to key chains, in our shoes, in the pillow cases - everywhere.
So, in the words of Daffy Duck "Of course you realize, this means war!"
Game on.
It's absolutely pouring rain outside and it feels like one of those days for sleeping in, sitting around watching daytime tv and eating chocolate chip cookies fresh from the oven.
I think I had a day like that once. It was a lifetime ago. Sleeping in? What's that like? I forget. Sitting around watching daytime tv? Haven't done that since my college days. Eating chocolate chip cookies fresh from the oven? Oh yeah, I can't do that either cause I. Still. Do. Not. Have. An. Oven.
How did this happen? Summer's over, it's back to school on Tuesday - sort of. We've been trying to cram in all the things we were going to do over the summer but never got around to doing, in this week. And here it is Thursday, and the storm really doesn't go well with cycling the KVR trail or having dinner at the beach. (But I bet we could easily find a parking spot!)
Last week my oldest was in a funk about how "we never do anything", "why don't we have rich friends with a boat so we can go tubing?" "I'm so bored." "we never do anything fun". "summer vacay isn't over you know". So after a day of listening to this, I suggested she come up with a schedule of things we should do for this week. And she did. We did a few of the things she wanted to do (still haven't found the rich friends with a boat), and hopefully we can get a few more things done.
My parents arrive today and tomorrow is their 50th wedding anniversary. We're not doing a huge party or anything - they didn't want that. Instead, they've offered to take all of us out for a nice dinner tomorrow night. They stay in the barn on the property that's been converted into a studio suite. So last night we all went over there and decorated it up with banners and a ton of balloons. We filled their tiny bathroom with balloons (hope they stop and use a washroom enroute!) and hid balloons in the fridge, the dryer, etc.
Now this may sound kinda odd, but we have this on-going joke with my parents. A few years ago near Easter time, we went over and hid Easter eggs everywhere. No big deal right? Well then at Christmas, when my parents and my sister and her husband were staying there, I felt we needed to up the level of the game. So I bought 3 packages of little green army men from the Dollar Store and hid them all over the place in the barn. In shoes, in coat pockets, in the beds, in the washer, the freezer, every little nook and cranny I could find. And especially in places I know they wouldn't find for quite a while. And I never told anyone. My dad, being the expert prankster, never said a word about it.
So fast forward a couple years to this summer and my dad was here looking after the dog and cat while we were away. We came home to find little green army guys everywhere. Glued to the trellis next to the deck, frozen into ice cube trays, attached to key chains, in our shoes, in the pillow cases - everywhere.
So, in the words of Daffy Duck "Of course you realize, this means war!"
Game on.
Tuesday, August 11, 2009
Crazy lying...
is making me crazy too. I'm starting to think I'm imagining things. Perhaps it's like that old Bette Davis movie "What Ever Happened to Mary Jane". You know the one where her sister (Joan Crawford) keeps moving things around and making Bette Davis' character think she's going crazy. I can't remember the entire plot but some days I feel as if I'm living it.
My daughter with FASD seems so typical is so many ways. She looks typical, she's pretty much stopped the toe walking and arm flapping, and can function most of the time like a typical kid. So when the "crazy lying" starts happening, I have to really stop and remind myself that this is normal to her. She truly believes what she is saying is the truth. I'll bet she could even pass a lie detector test.
For example, when we were at my parents' house in Kamloops my two daughters and I shared a bedroom. One morning I heard my younger daughter get up and head to the washroom, then return back to bed. After she was settled and back to sleep (or so I thought), I got up, showered, dressed, etc. When I came back into the bedroom my other daughter was furious. "As soon as you left the room she (the FASD child) started kicking my bed and waking me up and saying my name over and over and over even though I told her to stop."
My middle daughter's response was "I was just getting up to use the bathroom and I bumped the bed." And then the argument is on between them.
Had I not known that she had already just been to use the bathroom before me, I might have fallen for that one, but I knew better. And with her, there's no point in discussing it (or so our behaviorist says). So I tell her I know she's not being truthful and her behavior is not ok. But I seriously believe, that she believes what she is telling me is the absolute truth. It's crazy!
And if you've never spent any time with a child like this, it's so easy to fall for it. And other people rarely believe us when we tell stories like this. I'm sure they think "perhaps if you weren't so strict with her you'd have a better relationship with her", or "whatever do you mean? She's a perfect angel around us" or "maybe you(meaning me) should see a counsellor or someone for parenting advice".
I'm getting better at following the behaviorist's advice and not explaining it. As he said "How many years have you been trying to explain everything to her? Is it working? Then forget about it. (Say this with a heavy accent as if you're on The Sopranos). Just deal with the behavior and shut up." (I am paraphrasing of course).
I keep thinking there must be a career path for her that would make use of her wonderful skills.
My daughter with FASD seems so typical is so many ways. She looks typical, she's pretty much stopped the toe walking and arm flapping, and can function most of the time like a typical kid. So when the "crazy lying" starts happening, I have to really stop and remind myself that this is normal to her. She truly believes what she is saying is the truth. I'll bet she could even pass a lie detector test.
For example, when we were at my parents' house in Kamloops my two daughters and I shared a bedroom. One morning I heard my younger daughter get up and head to the washroom, then return back to bed. After she was settled and back to sleep (or so I thought), I got up, showered, dressed, etc. When I came back into the bedroom my other daughter was furious. "As soon as you left the room she (the FASD child) started kicking my bed and waking me up and saying my name over and over and over even though I told her to stop."
My middle daughter's response was "I was just getting up to use the bathroom and I bumped the bed." And then the argument is on between them.
Had I not known that she had already just been to use the bathroom before me, I might have fallen for that one, but I knew better. And with her, there's no point in discussing it (or so our behaviorist says). So I tell her I know she's not being truthful and her behavior is not ok. But I seriously believe, that she believes what she is telling me is the absolute truth. It's crazy!
And if you've never spent any time with a child like this, it's so easy to fall for it. And other people rarely believe us when we tell stories like this. I'm sure they think "perhaps if you weren't so strict with her you'd have a better relationship with her", or "whatever do you mean? She's a perfect angel around us" or "maybe you(meaning me) should see a counsellor or someone for parenting advice".
I'm getting better at following the behaviorist's advice and not explaining it. As he said "How many years have you been trying to explain everything to her? Is it working? Then forget about it. (Say this with a heavy accent as if you're on The Sopranos). Just deal with the behavior and shut up." (I am paraphrasing of course).
I keep thinking there must be a career path for her that would make use of her wonderful skills.
Monday, August 10, 2009
I'm home, I'm home!
Yea! I'm finally home after 5 days in Kamloops at my parents' place, without wireless internet access, and their computer would not let me log on to my blog or on to Facebook. How crazy is that?
I did get lots accomplished while I was there though. I took my middle daughter with me on Thursday so she could spend Friday with my mom while my dad came with me to check out some locations for our November workshop and spaghetti dinner. Plus he helped me pick up the rental tables we needed for our AFABC picnic on Sunday, and the bbq we needed to get. Somehow all that stuff would not have fit into my Honda Civic so we used Dad's big Ford pick up. Plus he knows all the short cuts. And, when I offered to buy him coffee he took us to this little out of the way place that served the best, yes the best, cinnamon buns with gobs and gobs of cream cheese icing.
Plus we stopped in at the MCFD office to drop off a Welcome Home Basket for a family with a newly placed little guy, and we did a drive by of the picnic location so we knew where we were supposed to be going.
Then back out to where my parents live to drop Dad off, check in and see how my daughter was doing (kinda bored), change into something clean and head off to my next meeting.
But before that, I make a call to my supervisor in Burnaby, to find out what has happened to all our picnic supplies that Wendy's Restaurants was supposed to be supplying and delivering to my parents' house. I left a message on her voice mail and cross my fingers that she hasn't left for the weekend already.
Now you have to understand that it is at least 35 C in Kamloops at this point, and for some reason I can't seem to get much cold air out of my air conditioning in my car. So I'm sweating big time. And cursing the thing too of course. And I'm jonesing for my email, so I try and access it at a Starbucks but for some reason my computer wouldn't connect to their free wireless. Grrrrrrr!
Back out to the hot sweaty car and I head off to my meeting with the Kamloops Boys & Girls Club whose office is blessedly cool. I'm hoping to partner with them to bring the True Colours Mentoring program that's been so successful in Kelowna, to Kamloops. And they were thrilled to partner with us! The meeting was a huge success and their facility is perfect for us. Now the real work begins trying to recruit mentors of colour for the program, but I do seem to love a challenge.
As I head to my parents' place, giddy with the success of my meeting, I finally figure out why I'm not getting very much cool air out of my air conditioning. The temperature dial is set in the middle of cold and warm. Duh. I am such an idiot. How could I not have noticed that, or thought to look at the stupid thing right in front of me.
Ya know, I sometimes wonder how I manage to function in this world at all.
I did get lots accomplished while I was there though. I took my middle daughter with me on Thursday so she could spend Friday with my mom while my dad came with me to check out some locations for our November workshop and spaghetti dinner. Plus he helped me pick up the rental tables we needed for our AFABC picnic on Sunday, and the bbq we needed to get. Somehow all that stuff would not have fit into my Honda Civic so we used Dad's big Ford pick up. Plus he knows all the short cuts. And, when I offered to buy him coffee he took us to this little out of the way place that served the best, yes the best, cinnamon buns with gobs and gobs of cream cheese icing.
Plus we stopped in at the MCFD office to drop off a Welcome Home Basket for a family with a newly placed little guy, and we did a drive by of the picnic location so we knew where we were supposed to be going.
Then back out to where my parents live to drop Dad off, check in and see how my daughter was doing (kinda bored), change into something clean and head off to my next meeting.
But before that, I make a call to my supervisor in Burnaby, to find out what has happened to all our picnic supplies that Wendy's Restaurants was supposed to be supplying and delivering to my parents' house. I left a message on her voice mail and cross my fingers that she hasn't left for the weekend already.
Now you have to understand that it is at least 35 C in Kamloops at this point, and for some reason I can't seem to get much cold air out of my air conditioning in my car. So I'm sweating big time. And cursing the thing too of course. And I'm jonesing for my email, so I try and access it at a Starbucks but for some reason my computer wouldn't connect to their free wireless. Grrrrrrr!
Back out to the hot sweaty car and I head off to my meeting with the Kamloops Boys & Girls Club whose office is blessedly cool. I'm hoping to partner with them to bring the True Colours Mentoring program that's been so successful in Kelowna, to Kamloops. And they were thrilled to partner with us! The meeting was a huge success and their facility is perfect for us. Now the real work begins trying to recruit mentors of colour for the program, but I do seem to love a challenge.
As I head to my parents' place, giddy with the success of my meeting, I finally figure out why I'm not getting very much cool air out of my air conditioning. The temperature dial is set in the middle of cold and warm. Duh. I am such an idiot. How could I not have noticed that, or thought to look at the stupid thing right in front of me.
Ya know, I sometimes wonder how I manage to function in this world at all.
Wednesday, August 5, 2009
Building Skills For Transracial Adoptive Parenting
Yes - we're coming to Kamloops in September and October! Here's the info:
If you are parenting a child of different race/culture or you are considering transracial adoption these Saturday workshops are for you.
Come to AFABC, network with other families and learn what you need to make your family's journey a little smoother!
Series of 2 workshops can be taken individually, in/out of order.
Workshop ONE: Sat. Sept. 12th 10 am - 4 pm MCFD Training Room 1165 Battle St.
Motivation to Adopt Transracially/Family Identity/Sharing Family Stories/Celebrating Family Diversity/Talking to Your Kids - Ages and Stages/Being Your Child's Best Ally.
Workshop TWO: Sat. Oct. 3rd 10 am - 4 pm MCFD Training Room 1165 Battle St.
Frame of Reference/Stereotypes/Your Child's Positive Racial Identity/Dealing with Racism/School Issues
Costs: $55.00 per person per session for AFABC Members or $65.00 per person persession for Non-members
To register go to: www.bcadopt.com and click on "Workshops and Resources"
If you are parenting a child of different race/culture or you are considering transracial adoption these Saturday workshops are for you.
Come to AFABC, network with other families and learn what you need to make your family's journey a little smoother!
Series of 2 workshops can be taken individually, in/out of order.
Workshop ONE: Sat. Sept. 12th 10 am - 4 pm MCFD Training Room 1165 Battle St.
Motivation to Adopt Transracially/Family Identity/Sharing Family Stories/Celebrating Family Diversity/Talking to Your Kids - Ages and Stages/Being Your Child's Best Ally.
Workshop TWO: Sat. Oct. 3rd 10 am - 4 pm MCFD Training Room 1165 Battle St.
Frame of Reference/Stereotypes/Your Child's Positive Racial Identity/Dealing with Racism/School Issues
Costs: $55.00 per person per session for AFABC Members or $65.00 per person persession for Non-members
To register go to: www.bcadopt.com and click on "Workshops and Resources"
New book
I picked this up at the library the other day and I can't put it down. It's called "Song Yet Sung" by James Mcbride and it's a novel about a young woman who is a runaway slave in the deep south just prior to the Civil War. She is trying to evade the white and black slave hunters using the codes used by slaves to communicate.
It's definitely fiction but much of the story is drawn from actual historical events. The author also wrote "The Miracle of Santa Anna" that was made into a movie recently. Have you seen it? It's quite long but very much worth watching.
And speaking of movies, we just watched "The Soloist" last night with Jamie Foxx and Robert Downey Jr. Ok, they didn't actually watch it with me, but you know what I mean. I had heard it was a tough movie to watch, but I didn't find it too bad. There are definitely some scenes that are quite emotional for a variety of reasons, but overall it was a pretty good story and certainly brings the issues of homelessness and mental illness to the forefront. It's also very interesting how Robert Downey Jr.'s character keeps insisting that "Nathaniel" be diagnosed and forced to take medication, when Nathaniel is quite clear that he is choosing to be homeless and doesn't want an apartment or to be forced to take meds.
Tonight we're watching a movie from 1988 called Chocolat (no, not the Johnny Depp movie, although I could watch Johnny Depp movies anytime!). It's set in colonial Cameroon and centres around a young white woman who befriends their African house boy and the racial tension that erupts when boundaries are crossed. I'll let you know how it is tomorrow.
It's definitely fiction but much of the story is drawn from actual historical events. The author also wrote "The Miracle of Santa Anna" that was made into a movie recently. Have you seen it? It's quite long but very much worth watching.
And speaking of movies, we just watched "The Soloist" last night with Jamie Foxx and Robert Downey Jr. Ok, they didn't actually watch it with me, but you know what I mean. I had heard it was a tough movie to watch, but I didn't find it too bad. There are definitely some scenes that are quite emotional for a variety of reasons, but overall it was a pretty good story and certainly brings the issues of homelessness and mental illness to the forefront. It's also very interesting how Robert Downey Jr.'s character keeps insisting that "Nathaniel" be diagnosed and forced to take medication, when Nathaniel is quite clear that he is choosing to be homeless and doesn't want an apartment or to be forced to take meds.
Tonight we're watching a movie from 1988 called Chocolat (no, not the Johnny Depp movie, although I could watch Johnny Depp movies anytime!). It's set in colonial Cameroon and centres around a young white woman who befriends their African house boy and the racial tension that erupts when boundaries are crossed. I'll let you know how it is tomorrow.
Tuesday, August 4, 2009
Unwelcome visitors
Life in the Okanagan is always wrought with challenges; forest fires, summer traffic, and of course the uninvited, unwelcome visitors. You know, the "friends" you haven't seen or heard from until they got your change of address email, then all of a sudden they think "hey, free room and board in the Okanagan - let's go!"
Fortunately the unwelcome, uninvited visitors stopped coming a few years after we moved here. Perhaps it had something to do with our requests to make their own daily plans, do their own laundry and help with the grocery bill. Our house is not an all inclusive resort with daily concierge and maid service.
For anyone who doesn't know our area, we are fortunate enough to be surrounded by fruit orchards and vineyards. However that also means that from July thru Oct, we are also subjected to a large transient population that sweeps through the valley looking for work. And because our house is somewhat isolated from our neighbors, I am usually quite security conscious especially when I am home alone or home alone with the kids. (Although, let's face it, even if my husband was home he wouldn't hear anything over the sound of the tv anyways!)
But I let my guard down when we were unloading the beach stuff from the car. I left our front door open and suddenly there was this very scary, very large, very scruffy looking man knocking on my open door. He tells me he's working in the orchard next door, and him and his friend have lost their ferret and ask if I've seen it/her.
Bizarre I know, but hey, this is the kind of stuff that happens around here. So after I tell him I haven't (not that I really would know what a ferret looks like up close anyways) I firmly close the door and lock it and go back to unpacking my cooler. Have you ever had the feeling that you should look behind you cause something's there, but you know it's not a person?? As I turned around, the ferret (who had obviously come in through our open door) ran by me and headed for the living room to hide under the chair my daughter was sitting in.
I told them all not to move, and then the ferret made a run for the safety of the couch. My son yells "It's a weasel!". My daughter screams. I head for the door to find the two guys still looking around my yard. And yell "Found it!" So they come and rescue "her" and let me and the kids pet her.
Yup, just your average day here in the Okanagan. The moral of the story is; always lock your door.
Fortunately the unwelcome, uninvited visitors stopped coming a few years after we moved here. Perhaps it had something to do with our requests to make their own daily plans, do their own laundry and help with the grocery bill. Our house is not an all inclusive resort with daily concierge and maid service.
For anyone who doesn't know our area, we are fortunate enough to be surrounded by fruit orchards and vineyards. However that also means that from July thru Oct, we are also subjected to a large transient population that sweeps through the valley looking for work. And because our house is somewhat isolated from our neighbors, I am usually quite security conscious especially when I am home alone or home alone with the kids. (Although, let's face it, even if my husband was home he wouldn't hear anything over the sound of the tv anyways!)
But I let my guard down when we were unloading the beach stuff from the car. I left our front door open and suddenly there was this very scary, very large, very scruffy looking man knocking on my open door. He tells me he's working in the orchard next door, and him and his friend have lost their ferret and ask if I've seen it/her.
Bizarre I know, but hey, this is the kind of stuff that happens around here. So after I tell him I haven't (not that I really would know what a ferret looks like up close anyways) I firmly close the door and lock it and go back to unpacking my cooler. Have you ever had the feeling that you should look behind you cause something's there, but you know it's not a person?? As I turned around, the ferret (who had obviously come in through our open door) ran by me and headed for the living room to hide under the chair my daughter was sitting in.
I told them all not to move, and then the ferret made a run for the safety of the couch. My son yells "It's a weasel!". My daughter screams. I head for the door to find the two guys still looking around my yard. And yell "Found it!" So they come and rescue "her" and let me and the kids pet her.
Yup, just your average day here in the Okanagan. The moral of the story is; always lock your door.
Monday, August 3, 2009
What do your kids argue over?
Today it seemed like every little thing was something to disagree over. From who got to use the milk first for their breakfast to someone "copying" someone else's choice of coloured straw. Man, it's annoying.
And it didn't get any better throughout the day. Just a few of the arguments were over; who got to go in the pool first, who was using the green towel, who should have flushed the toilet but didn't, who used someone else's toothbrush; it just went on and on.
Is it the mid-summer boredom setting in? Did I not have enough coffee? Finally I couldn't take it anymore and sent them all off in separate areas. Now I know the Gordon Neufeld groupies would say I should keep my kids close, especially in times like this and not send them away from me. And usually I would agree, except for the fact that keeping all three of them close to me would have resulted in total and complete chaos. Plus they would have probably violated our city's noise bylaw.
Finally I took the girls with me to get groceries and my husband took charge of our son, much to his disappointment because it meant he didn't get to sit and watch tv, play video games or go on the computer, he actually had to help Dad do yard work which really isn't that difficult.
I'm in this frame of mind that I should be feeding my kids less sugar and more whole grains, so most of our "close bonding time" was spent reading labels at Save On Foods. Man it's tough to find snack food that is appealing to kids and that they will actually eat, and that is reasonably healthy. (Of course, if I was able to do my own baking I wouldn't have to buy snack food. But that would require me to have an oven, which is still not fixed since May. May!! Apparently the part is on order and should be in "soon". Yeah, and I'll be cooking Christmas dinner in my microwave at this pace.) The girls were a great help actually and loaded the groceries on the thingy to the cashier, and put the bags in the buggy too with only minimal arguments over whether or not the juice boxes would fall through the holes in the cart.
Then in Walmart we ran in to our adoption social worker who has been on leave for quite some time with some health issues. Man, she looked so relaxed and non-stressed. It's been a few years since she had seen the girls and she couldn't believe how much they've grown. Of all the social workers we had over the years, she was the one who was the most supportive and who really fought for us when we needed her too. It was great to see her again. Really it was.
But back to "National Argue With Your Sibling Day". It didn't take long for the three kids to be back to the bickering once they were all together again. By now I'd given up and as long as no one was physically arguing, I put my earplugs in and shifted into ignore mode.
Bedtime didn't come soon enough today. Tomorrow will be better. Tomorrow will be better. Tomorrow will be better.
And it didn't get any better throughout the day. Just a few of the arguments were over; who got to go in the pool first, who was using the green towel, who should have flushed the toilet but didn't, who used someone else's toothbrush; it just went on and on.
Is it the mid-summer boredom setting in? Did I not have enough coffee? Finally I couldn't take it anymore and sent them all off in separate areas. Now I know the Gordon Neufeld groupies would say I should keep my kids close, especially in times like this and not send them away from me. And usually I would agree, except for the fact that keeping all three of them close to me would have resulted in total and complete chaos. Plus they would have probably violated our city's noise bylaw.
Finally I took the girls with me to get groceries and my husband took charge of our son, much to his disappointment because it meant he didn't get to sit and watch tv, play video games or go on the computer, he actually had to help Dad do yard work which really isn't that difficult.
I'm in this frame of mind that I should be feeding my kids less sugar and more whole grains, so most of our "close bonding time" was spent reading labels at Save On Foods. Man it's tough to find snack food that is appealing to kids and that they will actually eat, and that is reasonably healthy. (Of course, if I was able to do my own baking I wouldn't have to buy snack food. But that would require me to have an oven, which is still not fixed since May. May!! Apparently the part is on order and should be in "soon". Yeah, and I'll be cooking Christmas dinner in my microwave at this pace.) The girls were a great help actually and loaded the groceries on the thingy to the cashier, and put the bags in the buggy too with only minimal arguments over whether or not the juice boxes would fall through the holes in the cart.
Then in Walmart we ran in to our adoption social worker who has been on leave for quite some time with some health issues. Man, she looked so relaxed and non-stressed. It's been a few years since she had seen the girls and she couldn't believe how much they've grown. Of all the social workers we had over the years, she was the one who was the most supportive and who really fought for us when we needed her too. It was great to see her again. Really it was.
But back to "National Argue With Your Sibling Day". It didn't take long for the three kids to be back to the bickering once they were all together again. By now I'd given up and as long as no one was physically arguing, I put my earplugs in and shifted into ignore mode.
Bedtime didn't come soon enough today. Tomorrow will be better. Tomorrow will be better. Tomorrow will be better.
Comparing worst to best
Do you do this? I know I do. It seems I'm always comparing my worst moments of parenting, eating, dressing, etc. to everyone else's best. Why do we do that to ourselves? Over and over?
I'm sure there's some deep and meaningful reason that involves costly psychoanalysis and probably boils down to low self esteem. (See...there...I just saved myself tons of money and countless hours.)
When I finally pull myself away from my own personal "pity party", I can take a step or two back and look more objectively and sometimes, yes, sometimes I can even remind myself of the little successes I've had and acknowledge that I'm not a total and complete loser.
All the "experts" have tons of advice on how to parent better, how to be a better person, etc. I'll sometimes pull out one of my many self-help books on the topic of my current failure and flip through looking for some divine inspiration to get me back on track. After a chapter or two I usually will come to my senses and realize that I am doing some things right, and start letting up on myself just a little bit.
Then, because usually I have very little time to focus on my own "failures" I have to get back to the usual, whatever that is. Sometimes we have to go backwards in order to go forward. At least I seem to anyways. Although I may never outright congratulate myself on my successes I can at least acknowledge that I'm not a total and complete screw up.
I'm sure there's some deep and meaningful reason that involves costly psychoanalysis and probably boils down to low self esteem. (See...there...I just saved myself tons of money and countless hours.)
When I finally pull myself away from my own personal "pity party", I can take a step or two back and look more objectively and sometimes, yes, sometimes I can even remind myself of the little successes I've had and acknowledge that I'm not a total and complete loser.
All the "experts" have tons of advice on how to parent better, how to be a better person, etc. I'll sometimes pull out one of my many self-help books on the topic of my current failure and flip through looking for some divine inspiration to get me back on track. After a chapter or two I usually will come to my senses and realize that I am doing some things right, and start letting up on myself just a little bit.
Then, because usually I have very little time to focus on my own "failures" I have to get back to the usual, whatever that is. Sometimes we have to go backwards in order to go forward. At least I seem to anyways. Although I may never outright congratulate myself on my successes I can at least acknowledge that I'm not a total and complete screw up.
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