Day 2 of camp

And welcome to day 2...

After an exhausting night of tossing and turning all the girls were wide awake at 7 am. Which I guess wasn't all that early, but some of us had just finally fallen into a deep sleep. Our cabin connects with a bathroom to another cabin with just as many overly excited girls and tired moms as ours, but I have to admit, our cabin was better for sleeping.

One of the boys' grandmas came along for the trip, and good for her for making the trip. It's difficult enough to parent your grandchild, but this grandma is doing the best she can, and if that means accompanying her grandson to camp, she's there. This woman is a real trooper, plus she can bake up a storm too! However, as nice and as giving as this woman is, you really don't want her in your cabin. She has sleep apnea and requires one of those machines to help her breathe at night. One of the younger girls woke up in the middle of the night screaming that Darth Vader was coming to get her. Grandma got up to see what all the screaming was about and further scared the girl because Grandma still has the mask over her nose and the hose attached. Let's just say no one got much sleep in their cabin after that.

We all desperately needed our coffee. But the weather cooperated and the morning was filled with horseback riding, group games and preparing for the fireside skit. The skit prep was the most painful to watch and I took the opportunity to sneak out and watch my other daughter climb the rock wall. I so wanted to try it, but too many kids and not enough time. I sat in the sun for as long as I could delay my return to the skit room. When I returned, the skit was well underway. I watched from a distance and tried to keep my face neutral. My daughter, who hates being in front of other people was playing the role of someone who was trying to start a lawn mower, with the part of the lawm mower being played by the most disruptive kid in the school. Sigh. My 10 year old daughter was lowering her behavior to a 4 year old level. How I wish she had the ability to rise above the potty mouth stage.

But I have to say, that overall, she did quite well for the duration of the camp. It must have been really tough for her to be around "friends" all the time and have to keep it together. But she did a pretty good job. One of the moms in our group was that "overly controlling can't let her kid do anything without her" kind of mom. It was weird too because she wouldn't actually "do" anything with her kid. She wouldn't play any of the field games, or ride the horses, or climb the wall. All she did was constantly tell the kid what he should be doing. The poor kid never got to do anything without his mom telling him what to do.

I didn't do all the activities, but I did get to ride a horse, and I would have tried the rock wall climbing. I played in some of the wide games after dinner with the kids and other parents, but that was dangerous! But it was fun, and as I mentioned before, there was first aid available!

By lunch time of day 2, I couldn't handle another carb-loaded meal of white bread and mystery meat, so I went and had a power nap on my "comfy" bed. By the end of the afternoon the kids had BMX'd, swam, found 3 frogs and 2 dead mice, and were having the "best time ever!". I guess I can suck it up for that.

We survived the spaghetti dinner, the campfire skits, and another sleepless night. My daughter had switched friends at this point, although I'm not sure why.

On the morning of day three our cabin nazi-mom got everyone up and packed before breakfast, and some of us were already planning our early escape - oops I mean departure. We had one more wide game to play with all the kids in the field that involved the parents being super heroes, the kids telling us what to do, and lots of running and carrying things. Fun, but exhausting, and at least there was no tackling involved or rope burns.

Some of us decided to skip the hamburger lunch in favor of Booster Juice in Vernon and headed back to civilization. I hate going back to civilization when I've been sequestered away at camp. I feel as if I look like someone who has been living in the wilds for years on end and suddenly appears. Yes I really need to shave my legs.

The kids had such a good time, and I am glad I got to go with them. Nothing like observing kids in their natural habitat! I wasn't prepared for the aftershocks when we got home.

Did I tell you about camp?

I guess I haven't blogged in awhile have I? For those of you who have just joined the saga already in process, let's catch up shall we?

Last Wednesday I went with my two daughters' grade 4 and 5 classes to Circle Square Ranch in Armstrong for 2 nights and 3 days in the great outdoors. My oldest is in grade 5 and went last year to this camp with the classes. I did not go last year. My middle daughter is in grade 4 and because she is a type 1 diabetic I had to go with her. My middle daughter is also the one who is the most affected by FASD, has ADHD, and struggles the most socially. My older daughter is very capable in most areas, has friends and does well usually.

Wednesday morning started out pouring rain. This is the Okanagan. We don't get rain like Vancouver. Except of course when one is heading out to camp. Another mom and I had already decided we would drive up in my car, as we are smart savvy moms who know better than to get on a school bus with 45 hyped up kids. Plus, the bus driver refused to drive thru Starbucks, so we had no choice. We caught up to the bus as it made it's pit stop at the tourist info booth in Vernon. It was pouring, and I mean pouring rain. But, as luck would have it, by the time we wound our way through Armstrong and made it to the ranch the sky was starting to clear, and the rain was slowing down.

Now I supervised both my kids packing up their stuff the night before. My oldest had enough clothes with her to last 2 weeks because she had to bring all her favorite stuff, including the white Roxy hoodie. Theoretically, they should have had all the stuff that was on the list. Theoretically.

By the time the kids were assigned their cabins and the drama of who was sleeping in who's cabin was settled, and the fight over the top bunks were finished, we headed off to activities in the parent supervised but trained-leader-led groups such as archery, field games, horse care, swimming and BMX. My oldest daughter was in a group with several of her friends so she was pretty happy, and I was in the group with my younger daughter. We were lucky(?) that one of the kids in our group was allergic to horses, so when it was our turn for horse care, he got to play field games, which meant there was an extra horse that needed to be groomed. Lucky indeed.

One of the other mom's in our group had been brought up with horses, so she "generously" shared all her experiences with the rest of us. Lucky for us eh? And her horses were all show horses, and they won ribbons, and she knew the best way to braid a horse's tail and mane, and if we tried hard, we might be able to be as good at it as she was. I don't have that kind of ambition or drive. Never have, never will.

Watching my child at archery was an education for sure. I was worried that some of us that were standing in the "safe" area were not actually going to be all that safe. The bows were looking a little on the wonky side when she held them. I wanted to try it, but our group ran out of time and had to move on to the next activity which was field games. How do camp leaders come up with these dangerous games invoving parents and kids? Our activity group games were fine, but the wide games involving all the parents and the kids after dinner were absolutely insane. The poor first aid guy never had a chance to sit down! Some dads get just a litte carried away with the competition aspect.

I can't remember what dinner was that first night, but probably something like pizza which the kids liked. Campfire had to be cancelled due to the pouring rain, thunder and lightening, and somehow, singing campfire songs in the mess hall doesn't give one the same feeling as sitting around an open fire.

By the time we got all the kids back to the cabins and into bed, it was after 10 and we adults couldn't wait to jump into our cozy warm sleeping bags on those thin vinyl mattresses that a million other kids have slept on. Before we fell asleep, all us moms in our cabin prayed for good strong coffee to be ready in the morning.

So that was day one. I'll post more of the camp fun later, and maybe even a photo or two.

Migraines - who evented these anyways??

Yesterday it hit me - that horrible feeling that one was "heading" my way. The split vision, the difficulty forming coherent thoughts (although some days that's just normal for me). Sometimes I can figure out what the trigger is, and other times, like yesterday, it came without a reason. I had been working away at my desk and I took a break to do a quick workout on my treadmill. I was interrupted by my daughter's EA phoning to ask something, then I finished my workout (dedicated I know!). I drank a big glass of water and went back to work at my desk. I was returning a phone call from some poor woman I had never spoken to before and I was making a pathetic attempt to give her some information on how to start the MCFD adoption porcess, when I realized that nothing I was saying was making any sense whatsoever. (I hope she didn't think I was drunk or anything!) I was smart enough and coherent enough to ask if I could call her back another day. Then I dragged my butt upstairs to bed cause I knew what I was headed for. And I wasn't disappointed.

For anyone who has never experienced a migraine, it's as if there is a sharp knife being stabbed into my head, and any amount of movement or light makes the pain worse. Sometime during the lunch hour my husband came home and kindly didn't try to talk to me. My cat curled up with me and I don't think I even noticed she was there. (As if she cared!)

The kids were due home at 2:55, so I forced my self up and into the shower all the while pumping myself full of Advil Liquid Gels for migraines, which didn't even touch the pain. But at least by this point I didn't feel like vomiting (always a good feeling). When the kids came in the door I told them about the really really really bad headache I had, and asked them to cooperate as much as they could, plus keep the volume down.

It never fails. My oldest is the most sensitive of the three and gives me a big hug and instantly starts speaking in a quiet voice. Kid number two and kid number three act as if everything is as per usual and can't/won't adjust their volume levels or behaviors. So predictable. Throughout the afternoon I continued to remind them to speak quietly because my head really really hurts. Nope, no change. Sigh.

My head hurt to read. My head hurt to move too quickly. My head hurt to think. So I just went and laid down on my bed with the lovely sound of my children playing, laughing, arguing, whining, in the distance. Where's my happy place now???

But that was yesterday, and today is another new day. So far, without a migraine although it's still there on the fringe.

Stop Blaming Adoptive Parents

I was reading an interesting article on "Ending the Cycle of Blaming Adoptive Parents" on Arleta James' blog for Perspective Press and I thought I would excert some portions of it for you.

"Overall, the child welfare system frequently...
Tells parents prior to the adoption to expect problems. Yet, after the adoption, we question why the child is still stealing, lying, shouting, making poor grades, etc. years after being placed in their home. The conclusion often formed is that there must be something wrong with the parents."

"Overall, the child welfare system frequently...
Holds adoptive families to a high standard, almost that of super family. They will heal all of the child’s hurts. When this does not happen, we again conclude the parents are inadequate."

"Overall, the child welfare system frequently...
Tells parents—pre-adoption— that services will be necessary. Yet, we often make them return to the public agency in order to obtain funding for services. We trusted the parents with the child. Yet, we don’t always allow them to make decisions as to what their family needs. We, at times, deny services to families in desperate need. We do so because we believe the family is the problem."

"Overall, the child welfare system frequently...
Claims to operate “in the best interests of the child” yet we become contentious when parents request funding or subsidy increases. We do so because we deny the pathology of the child. We view these requests as if we are giving money to the parent. Actually, when we offer monies, we are supporting the family in their efforts to support the adoptee. Isn’t this what we set out to accomplish in the first place?"

"The child welfare system needs to examine policies regarding adoptive families. We approved them to adopt. If there is something “wrong” with so many adoptive families, perhaps we need to re-evaluate the manner in which we conduct home studies and parent preparation. Better yet, maybe we need to heed our own warnings: these children will frequently have problems due to their past trauma. There are children for whom their pre-adoptive experiences leave long-term or life-long scars. Many adoptive families will require support throughout the adoptee’s childhood and adolescence. Many adoptees will continue to need services well into adulthood."

I totally agree - how about you?

Read her blog article at: http://perspectivespress.com/blog/2009/06/15/ending-the-cycle-of-blaming-adoptive-parents-the-adverse-childhood-experiences-ace-study/

Penticton Playgroup

On Sunday I had the opportunity to host the Penticton Adoptive Families Playgroup. My regular volunteer Candy couldn't make it, so I filled in. Unfortunately that meant we had to miss the Kelowna True Colours Juneteenth celebration though.

The kids and I arrived with our case of TimBits precisely at 1 pm and set up camp somewhere between the numerous birthday parties and the bbqs. The Skaha Lake waterpark and playground has just been revamped and improved and it was "the" place to be on Sunday. We quickly set up in the last sliver of shade and attached our AFABC banner to the fence.

We also quickly discovered why this little piece of shade was vacant. It was very soggy - very soggy indeed. But that didn't deter us, no siree. Two of the kids were off the check out the ducks in the pond while my oldest and I played frisbee.

One of my daughter's friends was there with her family, so the mom and I were catching up on summer holiday plans and the usual school gossip. I was hoping we weren't going to be the only adoptive family there and I was starting to panic a bit, when a woman loaded down with blankets and toys stopped by and asked if we had the whole shaded area.

Being desperate, I introduced myself and proceeded to chat for a full ten minutes with this lovely young woman. Finally she said, "I'm not part of your group, I was just wondering if we could share the shade. But now I see how soggy it is, I think we'll go to another spot." Sigh.

Finally a few families starting showing up so I was spared any further embarrassment. It's so interesting how the location for a playgroup can make such a difference. We've had huge turnouts for the Penticton playgroups that Candy has hosted at the rec centre gym, but much lower turnouts when we meet at the park. The official summer picnics are always well attended, but not so much for outdoor playgroups. At least in Penticton it seems to be this way.

One mom suggested it was because the park is open to all those "normal" families and our families tend to be more visible. Another comment was that the park doesn't tend to feel as "supportive" as our closed group. That being said, it's hard to justify being inside when the weather is so nice outside.

Another issue we've had in Penticton is the inability to get adoptive parents out to any type of evening support group, despite trying several different formats over the last few years. Yet Kelowna, Vernon, Revelstoke, Salmon Arm all have great turnouts for their groups. One mom said that she's heard from other adoptive parents she knows that they don't have any adoption issues with their kids so they have no need to come out.

Oh well, at least they all know where we are when they do feel they need the support. We'll be at the soggy spot by the water park.

Does this person live with you??

Do you have someone like this in your house? Someone who has an uncontrollable urge to touch things they know they shouldn't. Someone who can't resist turning the temperature on the fridge up to maximum and the temperature on the freezer to minimum. Someone who turns the burner on the stove to maximum while the rice is cooking and the cook has left the room.

This person is driving me crazier than ever. It's no mystery who that person is in my house. But that person will consistently deny their actions even when they are the only person around at the time.

This is the same person who can't resist a perfectly clean bathroom mirror and has to spit, draw, and otherwise deface any clean surface. The same goes for windows.

And the frustrating part of having this person clean up the mess that they made, is how much they enjoy the cleaning part. Except when asked to do it as a regular chore.

Ah yes, such is the fun life with a child like this. Never a dull moment, never a clean surface, never a frozen ice cube when you need one...

And I'm finding that the other kids are getting more and more frustrated with the offender's behavior too. It's tough sometimes for them to have any kind of empathy when the same behavior is repeated over and over.

It's tough as a parent to maintain an equilibrium with a child with these types of behaviors. I'm getting better at shutting up and walking away. There is really no point in asking "who did this?", cause the offender never admits it, and it's usually very obvious who did it. My usual consequence is more chores with me. "If you make more work for me, I make more work for you." It never deters the offender, but at least the non-offenders see that there is a consequence.

Grand Torino

Have you seen this movie yet? My husband rented it last night for us to watch. I wasn't sure I even wanted to see it given the racist content I was sure it contained.

But I was surprised that it actually was a pretty good movie. I thought it would be a typical Clint Eastwood shoot-'em-up kill-'em-all plot, which it isn't. Although it was predictable I thought it was well done. For anyone who hasn't seen it yet, Clint plays an aging Korean war veteran whose wife has recently died, and who sees his own children and grandchildren as "spoiled brats". His neighborhood is being taken over by Asians, his wife's very young priest is dogging him to attend confession, and his only friend is his dog. He regularly trades racist insults with whoever will listen and has no tolerance for anyone who is different. I won't spoil the movie for you and it is worth seeing without your children.

I also thought they did a good job portraying the conflicts within the families that immigrate to the US and the huge pull of recruiting family members for Asian gangs. The movie does strive to show that stereotyping is not accurate, and if an aging war vetran can overcome some of his racist attitudes then perhaps others can too.

I always have a hard time watching movies with this type of theme or plot. I have no illusions that we in Canada live without racism. My children have to deal with it directly, and I have the luxury of my white priviledge to protect me. I know it is there, that it is insidious, and that it isn't going away any time soon. The thing I have the most difficulty with, is how anyone can hate another person without knowing them, based on skin colour. From a practical viewpoint that just doesn't make sense. But from a human viewpoint it, unfortunately, makes sense.

Perhaps that was the point of this movie. That although Clint Eastwood's character is stereotypical, he represents what so many of us think, feel and sometimes express in a variety of ways. His character just has no qualms about voicing it.

What do you think?

My fortune cookie

We ordered in Chinese food last night and of course the highlight is always the fortune cookie. Here's what mine said "The world will soon be ready to receive your talent." I made everyone listen while I read it out, bragging that I do actually have talent. (I'm not quite sure what that talent is but...) Of course then Mr. Smarty Pants (my husband) had to remind everyone that the world will SOON be ready. In other words, the world isn't ready just yet for my talent. Sheesh! What a party pooper!

It was supposed to be my daughter's belated birthday party from mid May, and it took until June for an evening to free up for us and for her friends to all get together. She turned 11 and we can forget the themed birthday parties. She's way too cool for anything ordinary. (Or at least she thinks she's too cool.) It was also my step-daughter's 31st birthday so her family including my two grand daughters, ages 3 and 3 months, oh yeah and her husband, were there too. My step daughter Michele is a fantastic photographer (check out her blog at www.micheledyson.blogspot.com) and she offered to do a photo shoot for my daughter and her friends. Which of course they thought was a great idea.

So each girl brought two outfits for the shoot, and there was alot of clothes swapping going on. Michele is the queen of parties and she loved doing the shoot, and of course the girls all think she is incredibly cool.

As the parents were dropping their daughters off for the party, one of the moms took me up on the offer for a cold beverage. So before long, the rest of their family were joining in and as usual, we had a housefull. I know there are people who cringe at the thought of unexpected company, or who have to have everything in it's place before anyone else sees their home. Not us. I love having the type of home that is always open to my kids' friends and open for impromptu get togethers.

It's a fond memory I have from my childhood that I was always welcome to have sleepovers and I usually had 4 or 5 girlfriends camping out with me in our basement rec room all through school. We sing along to Barry Manilow and the BeeGees (using our curling irons for microphones) eat junk food and discuss everything. I want my kids to have those fond memories too - except the Barry Manilow part.

For my one daughter who struggles socially it's a hard one to accomplish. She rarely gets invited over to a friend's house, and far too often, her offers to kids to come to our house go unanswered. But it doesn't seem to bother her. It really doesn't. And it's taken me alot of years to understand that if it doesn't bother her, it really shouldn't bother me either. Not that I want my kids to be the most popular kid at school, but I do want them to have a good group of friends. For two out of the three, that happens. I'm trying not to "borrow trouble" as they say, and look too far down the road into the future, worrying about my child with FASD and what will happen as she heads to middle school and then on to high school.

As a friend of mine once said "Don't go into the light..." I try to remember those words of wisdom when I start obsessing about my kids and the future.

It's pedicure day!!

Yea! Yea! Yea! It's finally the day I get to have a pedicure! I'm so excited - how sad is that? I've been waiting for this appointment for two weeks and finally the day is here.

I always seem to put hair appointments, pedicures, etc. at the bottom of my priority list. Everyone else's appointments always seem to supercede mine. But I guess that's because I let that happen isn't it? I hate the part that I'm responsible for putting myself last. Couldn't someone else look after me for a change? Clearly, that's not going to happen.

Self care is really hard to do when we're programmed as a mom to do all these things for our children first and to put ourselves last. No one ever said "put yourself last" but the implications are always that if you're a "good" mom, your children always come first. We're made to feel that getting a pedicure is a luxury and we can only do this is everyone else and everything else is already looked after. And I hate that. But I've bought into all of that too.

There's also that feeling of because I'm an adoptive mom that I should be willing to make all these incredible sacrifices for my children. Because I've taken on these challenged and challenging children, I must be some kind of hero, so therefore that makes me prime martyr material. I am so over that! Thank goodness. But it took me quite awhile to recognize that I was feeding into that stereotype by always putting myself last.

For a few years there, I was only spending time on myself after the kids had been put to bed after a day of getting all my attention, after the housework had been done, etc. As you can well imagine, there was no time for my husband or for me. I'd fall into bed mentally and physically exhausted. So over the years the kids have survived quite nicely without me being their constant companion and playmate and my house will never win the best housekeeping award. And now I feel ok about taking time for me. At least most days I do.

Which makes me think we need a new poll question - check it out and vote!

Thursday's adventures

I spent yesterday away from my computer (and I survived!) on a trip to Kamloops that started at 7:00 am and finished at 9:30 pm. A very long, but productive kind of day. Kamloops is about 3 hours from my house and it was a beautiful morning for a drive. I plugged in my Ipod, turned up the volume, and set the cruise control.

My first meeting was with the MCFD adoption and guardianship team and it was great to finally meet some of the workers I'd been emailing and playing phone tag with. I gave them all some of the new AFABC posters to brighten up their drab offices and waiting areas, and we talked about all the great things we've planned for the Kamloops area. Plus they had some suggestions for me and it was great to get that feedback. (They have cookies and fruit at their team meetings.)

From there it was off to meet my intrepid volunteer in Kamloops, Susan Britton and have lunch at a Greek restaurant. From there we drove around and checked out locations for a playgroup (found a great one at the YMCA Child Care Resource & Referral centre up on Hugh Allen Drive). Then it was over to the North Shore to check out the location for our workshop and spaghetti dinner in November, and McDonald Park the location for our picnic in August. We also did a drive-by of the Boys and Girls Clubs McArthur Park location as a possibility for the True Colours program we want to get going in the fall. Then it was back downtown to check out the YMCA location for their after school programs. By the time we finished there we were in desperate need of a cool drink - it was 35 C. We headed to Zacks' for an iced tea and who did we run into, but Coreena McBurnie who used to be the Adoption Support Coordinator for Kamloops! How did her kids get to be so big? It ws great to re-connect with her and she's excited about getting back involved with AFABC.

So by the time Susan and I finished our iced teas I hiked back to my car in the scorching heat and headed out of town to my sister-in-law's place in Vernon for a steak dinner. (Meanwhile my husband is at home making scrambled eggs on toast for dinner.) I had this delusion that I would have time to stop and get groceries on my way home from Vernon, but by the time I left there at 8 pm there was no way I had the energy to stop at the Super Store. I guess I'll have fun with that today. Oh yeah, that reminds me, she gave me some tomato plants - I better go get those right now before they dehydrate in my car!

No one said it would be easy...

"Becoming an adoptive family is a wonderful process, full of many rewards for all
concerned. Yet maintaining the adoptive family can pose many challenges,
especially when one or more of the children who were adopted have special
needs.

Adoptive parents of children with special needs rarely expect to see the amount
of disturbance their children display. These parents may feel overwhelmed by
the many needs of their children, having to expend significant energy - both
emotional and physical - dealing with them."

This is from an article I was reading from a US based adoption education program called Taplink. When I read those two paragraphs it reminded me of when we were considering adopting one or two more children. Our first adoption went relatively well and adding more kids didn't really seem like it would be all THAT hard. (ha ha ha). Boy was I naive.

It didn't matter how much research I had done, how many education courses I did, or how many experienced adoptive parents I spoke with...I had no idea it would be so hard. I mean, no one said it would be easy, but I really had no idea it could be so hard.

Now, one would think that because of the job I do I would have a better understanding of what we were getting ourselves into. I thought I did have a good idea of what we were getting ourselves into. Yeah, but the reality of dealing with the day to day, minute by minute, blow by blow stuff is what I wasn't prepared for. I thought I was, but until you actually live the full experience, no one is really prepared. Because how could any of us possibly know what exactly our children bring to our families? They don't even know themselves, and it takes committed "throw-yourself-in-front-of-the-train" type of parents to navigate the unknown territory.

Besides, if any of use really knew exactly what our children would bring with them, in all the gory details, would we choose to parent? Possibly. Possibly not though. When I look back and think about the paperwork we waded through for our sibling group I realize now how much of the real information was missing. But the kids were little, and who knew all these issues would crop up. We never thought the kids would magically overcome everything because "we" adopted them. We knew it was going to be tough slog. And it's a good thing we didn't know all the things we know now. I knew we could handle the "big picture" long term stuff.

What I really wasn't prepared for was the emotional exhaustion. The days when just trying to get three kids under the age of four ready to go out the door in the middle of winter was physical exhaustion. That was something that could be solved with better prep and scheduling. The emotional exhaustion however was, and is, something that can overwhelm me at times.

For example yesterday was a day when my brain was desperately trying to shut down. The garbage and recycling didn't make it to the end of the driveway in time for the garbage truck because I took the word of my ADHD child that it was done and I didn't actually check to be sure it was at the END of the driveway. My FASD/ADD child once again was in a mad panic because something needed to be signed last week and it was just found under the bed. Again, my fault because I hadn't checked the homework book. Meanwhile my other child is melting down because "I lost my new sunglasses". Now this is not my fault, but I have to put up with the fallout.

I get so very tired of having to be the external brain for my children. There are days when it is tough enough just dealing with my own brain because of lack of sleep or whatever. Then add in that my brain needs to function for at least two other people and I am emotionally exhausted. I know it's part of my job, and I know not all days are this crazy, but there are moments, (sometimes hours) when I would gladly get on that space shuttle and blast out of here.

But for now I must leave the sanity of my office and head down to the school for a meeting with the principal. This should be "fun".

I.E.P.

I don't know if any other three letters can raise my stress levels as high as IEP can. Does anyone like attending these meetings? Most times it feels like an exercise in frustration and futility.

And actually, my upcoming IEP meeting next Monday is rather pointless because the original IEP meeting in the fall was never followed up because the classroom teacher and the Learning Assistance teacher could never find a date that worked. So now here it is June and the year is almost over.

It's all such a frustrating process because the behaviors the teachers see at school are never the same as the ones we see at home, for a variety of reasons. Probably the most obvious reason is that I'm not at the school. For my child with attachment issues and FASD I am the main target. But it affects the behavior and achievements at school. How do I get through to the school staff that the reason the homework isn't done is because it was hidden in the bedroom and the planner has mysteriously disappeared. And the reason the homework is hidden is because my child can then avoid having to sit with me at the kitchen table one on one and work on it. Or the homework is too hard and my child knows it. Or my child would rather be doing anything else but sitting. Or the child knows that the other kids have already finished their homework and get to hang out and play. Or, or, or. There's a gazillion reasons.

The worst part of the IEP is that I feel as if I'm the negative mom who never sees anything good in their child. But if I don't focus on the negative, nothing will change. Yes I focus on the positive too, but it seems a constant battle to keep it in the front of their minds that just because my child was able to accomplish something once or twice doesn't mean my child can remember it the next time. Or that my child can't always transfer the knowledge used in one situation to another. It doesn't really matter if it's the ADD or the FASD or the attachment. The result is the same.

Plus, the teachers are all so burnt out already. They still have a month to go, and it's now the season of field trips (you couldn't pay me enough to go on the school bus with 45 kids anywhere!), assessments and report cards. I sure don't envy teachers. It's a job I know I could never do.

What I'm working on..

Was the weather great this weekend where you are? It was fantastic here! My kids even went swimming in the lake. Not me. That lake has a whole lot of warming up to do before I'll go in.

It was kinda crazy this weekend with my daughter's dance recitals but we survived and now dance is finished! Yea! Now it's just soccer for two of the kids which makes life lots easier.

How did it get to be June 1st already? Only 4 more weeks of school - yikes! So what are you planning to do with your kids over the summer? we've got two weeks of holidays planned for July, and another in August, plus a family picnic get together at our house at the end of July. Oh yeah, and then there's work too.

I've been busy planning picnics and bbq's throughout the region and I think we have most of them finalized. And I've set them all up on EventBrite which is a website we use through out AFABC website for on-line event registrations. You can check it out at www.bcadopt.com and then click on workshops and resources, then workshop registration. The picnics are all free of charge, but this way families can RSVP right on-line. I thought it would make the organization of it all easier. I hope. So check it all out, and let me know if you can make it to any or all of them. (Ok that would be kinda crazy to come to all of them, but us adoptive parents are a little on the crazy side arn't we?)

I'm also waiting impatiently to hear back from the Victoria Foundation for Adoption Permanency regarding the grant applications I submitted for the Interior region. One of the grants is to start True Colours Mentoring groups in Nelson and Kamloops. The Nelson True Colours group is starting as a playgroup and recruiting mentors as they go. If you know of any youth or adults of colour in the Nelson are, get them to contact me or the organizer Tam Mickel at tamrekor@telus.net.

I'm heading to Kamloops on Thursday to check out locations for the True Colours Mentoring in that community, as well as meet with MCFD, a great Kamloops volunteer Susan, check out the location for our summer picnic, the location for our spaghetti dinner workshop, and the location for Transracial Parenting. Sounds like it will be alot of driving around doesn't it? I'm sure somewhere I'll come across a Starbucks that has those really yummy carmel frappachinos (the light version of course!)

Plus, it's month end so I better get working on all my paperwork.

If you have any suggestions for workshops or events in your area, let me know and we'll try and make them happen. Even if you don't live in the Interior region of BC, let me know what works where you live - or what doesn't!

New section on the blog!

Yes, I added something new, a section for Shout Outs!

If there's anyone you would like to send a Shout Out to, just send me an email, or a comment on one of the postings and I'll add it in. It can be an announcement, it can be a major accomplishment, anything at all you'd like to celebrate. We can keep it non identifying if you wish.