It's Monday

Wow that weekend went by quickly. I guess we really are back in the swing of things.

I had lunch on Friday with 3 girl friends. We always get together for each other's birthdays and sometimes we can go months without seeing each other. But when we do, it's as if no time at all has passed. 3 of us have girls in grade 6, middle school, french immersion. The other 3 moms have boys in grade 8 french immersion, and one mom has a daughter in grade 11. None of them have kids through adoption, but all of them have varying levels of challenges in their families.

One mom has a daughter who is absolutely terrified of loud noises such as thunder and fireworks. Now the fireworks are obviously easy to avoid, but thunder storms are quite common in our area throughout the summer. They have had to cancel vacations, leave social events early, and outright avoid other events completely all because of their daughter. This girl is a very sweet kid but doesn't have many friends.

Another mom has an extremely anxious daughter who pushes herself to excel at sports, while her son is somewhat quirky and has difficulty knowing what is socially acceptable.

And the other mom has a great relationship with her teenage daughter. Her son is a great kid, but a bit socially immature.

I love hanging out with these three wonderful women. They may not have adoption issues, but we all have challenges with our kids. We all struggle with being over 40, trying to stay somewhat fit, work part time, keep our household somewhat under control, and have time for our husbands too.

In my role as an adoption support coordinator it can be tough to find the support I need, when I need it. These three women help fill that void for me. It also helps remind me that some of my kids' issues are just that - kid issues and not related to adoption or special needs. Of course their challenges from the damage their birth mom did to them while in-utero is significant and I can never forget that. But it doesn't have to be the only thing I focus on when I'm venting about my kids, or how I can't keep up to the laundry pile, or deciding what to make for dinner.

But I definitely need the support around the special needs my kids have, and I need people who know what it's like. I need to have a place where I can not be the facilitator or the one giving support. I need to receive it too. And right on cue, when I was having a tough day with my 10 year old - going on 7 year old - FASD daughter, the phone rang and it was Gina inviting me to the FASD support group in Kelowna on Tuesday night. It's a small group that I've been to a few years ago of adoptive parents of FASD kids. Some kids are younger than mine, most are older and attempting independence. I know that nothing I say in this group will be a shock or surprise to anyone. At this group I am not an adoption support coordinator, I'm just another mom in need of support.

It doesn't matter that I have to take my daughter to the diabetic clinic in Kelowna that afternoon, then drive home, pick up my oldest daughter from her cross country running club, get home, make dinner, then head back to Kelowna for 7:30 that evening. I will do it for me. Yes, for me.