Homework

As I write this, my grade six daughter is practicing the clarinet in the room next to me. I have to admit, she is getting better than she was a week ago; alot few squeaks and more "music-ish" sounds coming from her room.

My other two are upstairs playing some kind of Nerf Dart Tag game that involves running, crashing and loud voices. Oh wait, that loud voice is my husband telling them to settle down or go outside. It's dark outside. Earlier he was trying to watch the news while they played Lego; and of course that wasn't a quiet game either. It involved Star Wars Storm Troopers fighting against Indiana Jones and Super Mario.

This type of play always reminds me of that movie "Stand By Me" when the boys are walking across the train trestle and arguing whether Mighty Mouse could beat Superman. I guess you have to be a kid to get it.

My other two (the medicated duo) did their homework earlier this afternoon before their meds wore off. Although they complain at the time, they are certainly better able to focus at 4 pm than at 7 pm. Plus then it leaves their evening free for playing. My son in grade 4 had his first homework today with a list of 20 words he has to know how to spell by Friday. I read the words off to him and he spelled them all correctly the first time. Whoo Hoo!

My daughter in grade 5 who is the most challenged by FASD does not do so well. She had about half of her words misspelled and some of them didn't even make sense. Last week we practiced her 20 words every day. Every day she would get different ones wrong from the day before. So then I would have her copy them out correctly 3 times, and that was all. Not once in those 4 days did she get all 20 words right, and I'm not even sure she knew the meaning of all of them. Oh sure, she could tell me what the word meant when I used it in a sentence, but then to look at the word and know what it meant was very challenging for her. Some of them she got, some she didn't have a clue. But on her spelling test she got 17 out of 20 so that's great. But I wonder if she feels bad that her brother who's younger, and her sister who's older, generally do much better than her in school. Does she even notice? She doesn't seem to. I guess that can be a good thing and a not-so-good thing.

When she was younger I kind of thought it was good she wasn't bothered by what people thought of her choice in clothing for example. But the distance between herself and her peers seems to be growing, and perhaps it would be good if she noticed some of the differences. Because her peers seem to be noticing. But then, would she be able to keep up with them? Not likely. So if she did notice the differences between herself and her peers, is she supposed to feel bad enough to be motivated to try harder to keep up? That's not going to happen for her. Her brain can't do that. So why should she feel bad because she can't do what others can?

I've heard other parents of FASD kids say that their kids really resent being labelled as "challenged". The kids insist they're not "one of those retards". Our kids don't look mentally challenged, but they are. All to different degrees, and no two the same. Parents of FASD young adults talk about how difficult it was 15 years ago when their kids were in school and no one knew anything about FASD. I can only hope that in 15 years from now, FASD will be as well known and accepted as dyslexia or autism.

My daughter has 10 more minutes of practice time...10 long minutes. (Note to self - keep a set of ear plugs in my desk to help muffle the "music".) I remember when I was in band for my first year and we thought we were soooo good. Then we heard a recording of it - how depressing to discover we were really lousy. I mean really lousy. But I did stay in band all the way from grade 7 to grade 12 and I had a great time. Especially on the band trips. Plus most of my friends were in band too, and there was no way I was joining drama and I didn't have any art skills beyond paint-by-numbers.

Oh well, tomorrow's another day. Hope it's a good one for all of us1