No one said it would be easy...

"Becoming an adoptive family is a wonderful process, full of many rewards for all
concerned. Yet maintaining the adoptive family can pose many challenges,
especially when one or more of the children who were adopted have special
needs.

Adoptive parents of children with special needs rarely expect to see the amount
of disturbance their children display. These parents may feel overwhelmed by
the many needs of their children, having to expend significant energy - both
emotional and physical - dealing with them."

This is from an article I was reading from a US based adoption education program called Taplink. When I read those two paragraphs it reminded me of when we were considering adopting one or two more children. Our first adoption went relatively well and adding more kids didn't really seem like it would be all THAT hard. (ha ha ha). Boy was I naive.

It didn't matter how much research I had done, how many education courses I did, or how many experienced adoptive parents I spoke with...I had no idea it would be so hard. I mean, no one said it would be easy, but I really had no idea it could be so hard.

Now, one would think that because of the job I do I would have a better understanding of what we were getting ourselves into. I thought I did have a good idea of what we were getting ourselves into. Yeah, but the reality of dealing with the day to day, minute by minute, blow by blow stuff is what I wasn't prepared for. I thought I was, but until you actually live the full experience, no one is really prepared. Because how could any of us possibly know what exactly our children bring to our families? They don't even know themselves, and it takes committed "throw-yourself-in-front-of-the-train" type of parents to navigate the unknown territory.

Besides, if any of use really knew exactly what our children would bring with them, in all the gory details, would we choose to parent? Possibly. Possibly not though. When I look back and think about the paperwork we waded through for our sibling group I realize now how much of the real information was missing. But the kids were little, and who knew all these issues would crop up. We never thought the kids would magically overcome everything because "we" adopted them. We knew it was going to be tough slog. And it's a good thing we didn't know all the things we know now. I knew we could handle the "big picture" long term stuff.

What I really wasn't prepared for was the emotional exhaustion. The days when just trying to get three kids under the age of four ready to go out the door in the middle of winter was physical exhaustion. That was something that could be solved with better prep and scheduling. The emotional exhaustion however was, and is, something that can overwhelm me at times.

For example yesterday was a day when my brain was desperately trying to shut down. The garbage and recycling didn't make it to the end of the driveway in time for the garbage truck because I took the word of my ADHD child that it was done and I didn't actually check to be sure it was at the END of the driveway. My FASD/ADD child once again was in a mad panic because something needed to be signed last week and it was just found under the bed. Again, my fault because I hadn't checked the homework book. Meanwhile my other child is melting down because "I lost my new sunglasses". Now this is not my fault, but I have to put up with the fallout.

I get so very tired of having to be the external brain for my children. There are days when it is tough enough just dealing with my own brain because of lack of sleep or whatever. Then add in that my brain needs to function for at least two other people and I am emotionally exhausted. I know it's part of my job, and I know not all days are this crazy, but there are moments, (sometimes hours) when I would gladly get on that space shuttle and blast out of here.

But for now I must leave the sanity of my office and head down to the school for a meeting with the principal. This should be "fun".