If I knew then what I know now...

Ahhh hindsight. It's always 20/20 isn't it? If I knew then, when my sibling group came home, all the things I know now, how different our lives would all be.

I would have spent less time trying to figure out what had happened to my three year old that made her behave and act the way she did. I would have just accepted it and dealt with it. I wouldn't have obsessed over wanting to know information I would never have. I wouldn't have spent so much time right away trying to get her to conform to my expectations, but just accepted her the way she was.

I wouldn't have concerned myself so much with worrying what other people thought of my kid's behaviors.

But I guess I don't get to go back and "do over". None of us do. All we can do is "soldier on" and do better. I used to feel the need to be perfect in everything I do, or at least appear perfect to everyone else. I am so not perfect in anything. Nor do I want to be. That was some weird need I had to try and control things that I had absolutely no control over. And the more I tried to control things, the less control I had. Funny how it long it took for me to realize that.

I am much better now at accepting my own faults, as I am about accepting my kids and their realities. It's so much easier than trying to be perfect, or expecting my kids to conform. I'm not sure when that all changed, but it was much too hard to keep that up.

Don't get me wrong, there are still many times I wish my kid(s) could be or do certain things, but I also know that is not their reality, and it certainly isn't mine. Now I can let it go. And as a friend of mine often says "just bless and release".