Finally back at work

The cold thing was a killer! It wiped me out last week finally. And to top everything else off, the kids had a Pro-D Day on Friday. What I would have given for a whole day to sleep. Sleep. Sleep.

But, apparently that was not to happen. So now it's coming up to November which is crazy time for Adoption Awareness month, and at least I got over my cold before all the events start happening. One year I was sick for almost the whole month of November and lost my voice so I could barely speak at any events. I sounded sicker than I felt, but it certainly wasn't fun.

Oh,and did I mention I missed out on two of my kids' parent teacher interviews due to either their illnesses or mine? So today I had the "make-up" parent teacher interview for my son Xavier. Gee, I couldn't possibly guess what the teacher was going to say. What a surprise - Xavier has trouble settling down to work and he's easily distracted. Oh yes, and he has "struggled in meeting some deadlines". Ha! That's the understatement of the year. That would require him to actually remember to bring his planner and work home each day.

His teacher had him do a self-evaluation on things such as how he would rate himself on "listening skills", "asking for help if needed" "using planner consistently", etc. Him and his teacher were fairly close on their ratings, but what distracted me was that for each little ticky box, Xavier had coloured either red with an "M" or green with an "L" and I couldn't figure out what that was for. It had nothing to do with the chart and his teacher didn't know either. Then I finally clued it. The red M was for "Mario" and the green L was for "Luigi" from Nintendo Super Smash Bros. game. That would also account for the little green man with an "L" on his hat in the middle of Xavier's Halloween poster. Sigh. Boys are so different.

Next week I have Leosha's IEP and Camisha's parent teacher interview.

See now this is why I can't work full time. Who would hire me? Between sick days, IEP meetings, various specialist appointments for each child, getting my snow tires put on (Ok that's not really a regular thing but it does require coordination with the whole schedule), and driving to and from after school activities, I wouldn't be able to hold down a regular job. Well I guess I would if I had no other choice, and I am very fortunate that my job is so flexible.

And speaking of jobs, I should go and get my kids off to bed. They are currently taking turns coming into my office as I write this, telling me how bored they are, how someone got a longer turn on the computer than everyone else, why someone is allowed to have a yogurt when snack time is over, and whining that Xavier through a spider at her and Xavier says it wasn't a real spider it was an ant that was really from his Indiana Jones Lego set and it was all her fault anyways, and he only kicked her because she was going to kick him. It goes on and on and on.

I'm sick..

And I'm sick of being sick. I'm sick of being a mom to sick kids. This Florence Nightingale routine is wearing very thin.

"Mommmmm...Mommmm...Mommmmm....can you bring me________"

"Mommmmm....Mommmm....Mommmmm....my head hurts"

Yada,yada yada.

Who's bringing me things? No one. I have to actually get it myself...oh yeah, just like every other day of my life.

I rarely get sick, but being sequestered with more than one virus carrying child takes it toll on my immune system. And my sanity. Plus I've had to cancel my two morning fitness classes this week to stay home and nuture my children. Yeah, like I said, it's wearing thin.

I got out yesterday for a hike up the mountain with a friend and it was a beautiful sunny day. So nice. And I suppose if I have to be trapped (yes, it feels like being trapped) at home, at least it's gray and raining today so I don't feel like going anywhere.

And I know, I have to be grateful my kids don't have H1N1, just colds. But sheesh, get them over with already.

Tears

I never counted on the tears. I never really thought about how many tears I would shed for my children after I adopted them. All I could picture were happy family moments and the day to day life I wanted as a mom.

But today's been a really tough one, and it's only 10:30 in the morning. I know I've had tougher days and I've had easier days, and I also know that I will make it through this tough one too. I have to. I have no choice. These are my kids and I must suck it up and do whatever it takes. And I will.

But in the mean time, there are plenty of tears today. Tears for my child who will probably never learn that she can't consume mass quantities of sugar without going into ketoacidosis. Somehow, despite my vigilance that anything with sugar in it, and the sugar itself, is usually locked up, she finds that moment when I leave the room and the pantry open. And that's my fault for letting down my guard. Keeping my guard up is emotionally exhausting and then I berate myself for not being hyper-vigilant.

She will probably never learn that this behavior is slowly killing her, and unless I can get her blood sugars down to a reasonable level within 12 hours, I will have to take her, once again, to Emergency and have them try to revive her. It kills me, slowly. And it kills me that I can't always be the perfect mom who is kind and understanding and knows the right thing to say all the time.

I never counted on the anguish and the grief, and the number of boxes of tissues I would go through.

I only wish there was some way I could make her understand what she is doing to herself, and make her stop the bingeing and hurting herself. But I can't. I doubt anyone can. So I have to "deal". And today I'm not "dealing" well.

This sounds like a great learning opportunity

One in three Canadians will experience a mental health problem in their life.

Do you know how to help?

An innovative 2 day course introduced in Canada in 2006 and now offered in Kelowna by the Canadian Mental Health Association, Kelowna Branch.

Mental Health First Aid Canada teaches first aid skills to help someone who is
developing a mental health problem or is experiencing a mental health crisis.

In 12 hours you will learn:

✤ Signs and symptoms of common mental health problems and crisis situations
✤ Basic actions for mental health first aid
✤ About effective interventions and treatments

“A well organized course with comprehensive material.” participant

Date: Monday, November 9 & Tuesday, November 10
Time: 9 am to 4:30 pm
Cost: $150 per person + GST
For more information contact Charly @ 250-861-3644 or email kelowna@cmha.bc.ca

Just when I thought I'd seen it all...

then I heard about this when I was listening to an American radio station on the internet.

The Barack Obama Chia Pet, as in "Hail to the Chi - Chi - Chi - Chief"

This is my life, everyday after school...

Former foster child in Chicago now a million-dollar scholar

From an article published at www.chicagotribune.com

ATLANTA - -- Derrius Quarles leans back in his seat and methodically debates Aristotle's theory of truth during freshman honors English class at Morehouse College.

He strides across campus in a navy blue tailored suit and a bold red sweater handing out business cards that boast "Student/Entrepreneur/Leader."

But behind the 19-year-old's dauntless appearance is a past that few on campus know.

When Quarles was 5, the state took him away from his mother. He spent his childhood bouncing from home to home before ending up on his own at 17 in an apartment on Chicago's South Side.

His arrival at a prestigious, historically African-American college -- with more than $1 million in scholarship offers -- is a story of inspiration and anguish. And it's a testament to his determination to prove that he is better than his beginnings.

"You can't go around thinking you are inferior just because you didn't have parents," he says. "For me, it's about knowing where you are from and accepting it, but more important, knowing where you are going."

Despite his polished veneer, sometimes there are glimpses into a more complicated young man.

In sociology class, when students discuss their childhood dependence on parents, the usually verbose Quarles withdraws from the lively discussion and doodles in a notebook. When a tutoring coordinator asks students about the "caring adults" in their lives, Quarles mumbles something about an aunt.

He rarely talks about his childhood, but when pushed, the words tumble out.

"I've had people tell me that I ain't never gonna be s---. That's not a scratch, that cuts deep," he says. "After so many people put me down, I said, 'I'm gonna show you.' "

Quarles made good on that promise when he won more than $1 million in scholarship offers, including a full ride at Morehouse. A graduate of Kenwood Academy High School in Chicago, he is one of about a dozen students nationwide to garner such a bounty, according to Mark Kantrowitz, who runs the Web site Finaid, which tracks college aid.

He won full scholarships to five universities, the Gates Millennium Scholarship worth $160,000 and the Horatio Alger and Coca-Cola scholarships, each worth $20,000, to name a few. He'll use most of it to pay for advanced schooling.

Now, Quarles hopes to weave a new family narrative at an all-male college known as much for molding brotherhood as for molding scholars.

He is searching for a band of brothers who will not abandon him, as so many others have in the past.

Left aloneWhen Quarles was 4, his father was stabbed to death with a pocketknife in a fight on a vacant lot. His mother struggled with drugs.

Quarles doesn't remember much about those years, outside of being left alone with his brother for long stretches of time, pilfering bread and snacks from a convenience store.

"We had to fend for ourselves the best we knew how," he says. "My brother really stepped up as an older brother. He never left my side."

This connection to his brother was a sustaining one. But it would not last.

When Quarles was 5, officials placed him and his brother in a temporary foster home, then with an aunt.

Quarles remembers this as a period of calm. He learned to read sitting in his aunt's lap, paging through her favorite Bible passages. He recalls eating around the dinner table with more food than he ever imagined.

But when Quarles was 13, his older brother was removed from the home and placed in a foster home in Maywood. Quarles wanted to go with his brother and his aunt let him. State records simply show she was not interested in becoming his legal guardian. Quarles says he is not certain why his aunt let him leave and he would not provide her name.

"I'm content not to know," he says. "I'm sure it was a good reason."

Quarles' brother left the foster home a few months later, one of the toughest losses of Quarles' life. "That's when I learned you can't trust people to stay around," he says. "That when I learned to lean on me."

Three years later, Quarles was placed with his grandmother and an aunt in Chicago. But within a year, he convinced officials with the Department of Children and Family Services that he would be better off on his own.

The high school junior packed his clothes, books and a set of golf clubs and moved to an apartment as part of a state transitional living program for foster children. There, he learned to budget his money, wash and dry his clothes, shop for groceries and cook. He received a small stipend and got a part-time job at a barbershop.

At 17, he was living like an adult.

Desmond Kemp, who became a mentor to Quarles -- a brother, really -- when they met at a tutoring program, initially opposed the move.

But Kemp was impressed with how Quarles kept up the apartment and budgeted his money with such precision that he always had enough for fashionable clothes and textbooks.

He was awed when he took Quarles to the grocery store and the teenager shunned the snack aisles and headed to the fresh fruits and vegetables.

"He kept saying, 'This is brain food. This is what I need to eat to build a strong brain,' " Kemp recalls. "I had to laugh but also stared in amazement at how mature he was for a teenager."

Even though his home life was sometimes chaotic, Quarles brought home A's and B's in elementary school. That changed when he entered Kenwood Academy. First quarter of freshman year, he got an F and eked out only a 2.5 grade point average.

Providence intervened in the form of a pushy biology teacher.

Quarles had enrolled in a summer biology course but skipped the first day and was late for the second. Teacher Nivedita Nutakki pulled him into the hallway and told him he was wasting his talent.

"He needed a push and some encouragement," she says. "I spotted right away that this was a special kid who had a special mind."

Quarles got an A in the class. Sophomore year, he earned a 3.6 grade point average. By junior year, he was carrying three advanced placement classes and earning straight A's.

"Initially, I was doing it to show my biology teacher that I could do it," he says. "But then it kind of moved into, 'I didn't have to show her anymore.' I was doing it to show myself."

Quarles latched on to Nutakki and spent hours after school with her, engrossed in a subject that inspired him to want to be a doctor.

He found other mentors who, together, played the role of parent.

Lynda Parker, a Kenwood counselor, recounts how aggressively Quarles pursued college scholarships. He would stay late to use the school computer for research and pester Parker to complete his recommendation letters.

"With teenagers, the biggest motivator is the parent," Parker says. "Every step of the way, you have to contact the parents so they can push the kids. Not only did Derrius not have a parent to push him, he was pushing himself as hard, or harder, than parents of the other kids."

Even his oversize ambition couldn't get Quarles past one roadblock. He dreamed of attending Harvard, until one college adviser told him his 28 ACT score was simply not high enough. He abandoned his plans.

At a crossroadsNow, as he walks the red clay hills of the Morehouse campus, the training ground of Martin Luther King Jr., Quarles seems poised between who he was and who he wants to be.

His dorm room looks like every other teenager's. The bed is mussed, the refrigerator and shelves are stacked with Doritos and Coke, and the focus of the room is the 32-inch flat-screen TV and Xbox he bought with his roommate.

But inside Quarles' closet hang four suits and a half-dozen wrinkle-free dress shirts. In the corner sits an iron and ironing board.

As a high school senior, Quarles Googled tips on business attire. Now, his belt color always matches his shoes, and his shirt sleeves are tailored to fall exactly halfway across his watch.

"How you dress says something to the world about who you think you are," he explains.

Quarles' counselors, friends and teachers worry he is too eager to grow up.

"I keep telling him that everyone has a right to live as a child during their childhood years," Parker says.

Still, Quarles keeps an ambitious list of goals: graduate from medical school, earn a doctorate, start a tutoring program for low-income Chicago students, help shape the city's public health policy, become the U.S. surgeon general.

"I have no time to play around," he says. "There are people back home in Chicago starving, homeless, unemployed, killing each other. There is a difference between enjoying life and wasting time, and I can't waste any time.

"I want to make a difference. I want to show people that I can be all those things people said I could never be."

Quarles now has the means to pay for his education. And oversize optimism could get him the rest of the way.

During a training session for a Morehouse tutoring program one day, students introduce themselves and list three songs on their iPod -- typically Kanye West, Beyonce, Jay-Z and Lou Rawls.

When his turn comes, Quarles stands.

"Have you ever seen the movie 'Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory'?" he asks, prompting raised eyebrows. "There's a song in there called 'Pure Imagination.' That's what I'm listening to these days."

Quarles later explains that the lyrics inspire him: "Anything you want to, do it. Want to change the world? There's nothing to it."

"It's so powerful," he says. "It shows the power of imagination. If you imagine it, you can do it."

Why is Obama being president such a big deal?

Good question isn't it? And how do I explain it to a child?

For many of our kids, the significance of having a person of colour in such a high position of power is no big deal. Every night on the news we see media clips from around the world where all races are represented, (not always is a good way!) and our kids have access to various forms of media and see people of colour represented here too.

I guess I could go into the long history of slavery and the many, many injustices that have been perpetrated on people of colour for centuries. But for a young child with very little grasp of the passage of time it's a very abstract concept to discuss. Sure, we've read stories and talked about current events when we hear or see them, and we try to label racism and stereotyping when we see it too.

So what IS the big deal with Obama? Yes he's black. But is that all that matters? Don't his politics matter too? Yes, it's a definite milestone to have someone other than a rich white guy in the White House.

It seems the American voting public was in desperate need of someone to lead them out of their current struggles, and he was the chosen one. And he sure seems to be a great role model for all young people of colour.

But back to the original question...why is it such a big deal? Just because he's a person of colour? From our kids' point of view, everyone is equal...arn't they? That's what our kids are taught in school, so how come the other people don't know this? (Another good question!) As adults we know that racism is alive and well, and we know that many people don't share our views on "equality". But for our kids of colour, it's simple. Especially at young ages when they have yet to experience the harsh realities of racism.

So what do we do? I guess we keep talking with our kids about what is happening in our world, our country, our province, our community; and help them understand at their level, some of the realities of the world. As with all the people of colour that our children see in the media, we must be ever vigilant that we not perpetuate stereotypes, and that we explain that all people are different, and that no one person speaks for all people of their race. Every one is important.

I thought I would include some advice given to President Obama from some Winnipeg school kids...

"Dear President Obama: I think to be a better president you will need to quit smoking. You are not setting a good example for people if the president of the U.S.A. smokes."

-- From Myles Irvine, 13

"Dear President Obama: I really like the United States, but I wouldn't live there. The country is boring. You need to spice it up. Do something totally different. I suggest painting the White House or making new laws such as, no spinach in meals, or parents can't give out chores to the oldest child. But, hey, what do I know? I'm only 12 years old."

-- From Joey Matthews, 12

"Dear President Obama: If I were to give advice to you, I would tell you to try to end what is going on in Iraq. To once and for all end what George Bush caused. Although there are many problems like these occurring right now, I think that a huge issue in my opinion is that I have not met the Jonas Brothers yet. I think you should send the Jonas Brothers to Winnipeg for one of their amazing concerts."

-- Thank you, Jayme C., 13, Grade 8