I love that quote from Dwight on The Office. That show always makes me laugh... and cringe.
What I love about that quote is that I could easily use it for one of my kids who is known to find all kinds of ways to get negative attention. When she does receive positive attention she doesn't know how to deal with it, and so the result is that usually she sabotages herself so then she receives negative attention. Makes perfect sense - if your brain is permanently altered.
Most people assume that positive attention and praise will encourage a child to continue the good behaviour. My daughter does not respond this way. She experienced a "less than stimulating" first two years of life and as a result is very anxious.
Another assumption most people make is that if we give our kids a choice, they will make good choices most of the time. Not so in our case. She has a very difficult time making choices even when there are only two to choose from. She seems to not be able to decide what she would actually want, or is too concerned with choosing what she thinks I want her to choose. Oh and let's not forget that she was affected by alcohol and has a slower processing speed and rarely learns from the consequences of her actions.
For example, if she is given the choice as to wear or not wear her winter coat in January and she chooses not to wear it, it's my fault that she's cold. But if we have a short discussion on how worried I am that she will be cold without it and I really want her to be warm and cosy, she responds with anger and refuses to wear it. Once again, my fault that she's cold.
Another way she tries to get attention is by acting much younger than her actual age. Now I don't mean that she has to actually act her age because she is emotionally delayed and her behaviors can generally range from 6 years old to perhaps a maximum of 9. (She's 12). What I mean is by talking baby talk and deliberately behaving as a much younger child would with temper tantrums etc. But if I parent her as that much younger child, she gets mad and says "I'm not a baby you know!"
Over the years we've learned to keep our praise for her very low key. When she was younger even a "high five" could throw any progress out the window. As soon as the words were out of our mouths "great job" we knew disaster would soon follow. While most kids thrive on the good feelings that come with having accomplished something, she never learned that at an early age. It has been a very long and slow process for her.
What does work for us is giving her a heads up that she'll need to decide on ...... in a few minutes so she can start thinking about what she would like to choose. For decisions that are a health or safety issue and we're not sure if she'll make the correct one, we don't give her a choice. "You must wear snowboots in the snow."
We also try to remember that no matter how long she has been with our family (9 years!), those first 3 years of her life take a very long time to overcome. If at all.
Patience, patience, patience.
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