Support for those who support others...

"Be brave my friend, you're stronger than you know". This was on a card I sent to a friend a few years ago when she was really struggling with her FASD son. And I always try, yes try, to keep that in mind for myself when I really struggle with my own emotions and the feelings that I'm not making a big enough difference in my kids' lives.

As women/moms/sisters/daughters/friends/wives/employees to other people it can seem as if we're the "rock" for everyone to cling to in tough times. But who do we cling to when we're having a tough time?

Sometimes it can seem that no one really "gets" our specific situation, or it can seem too overwhelming to try and explain it. Or it's too difficult to explain all the different aspects of our current crisis so it's easier to not say anything.

And do we rush out to ask for help? No of course not. We're strong women - we think we should always be able to handle anything and everything. But we are human, and it has taken the adoption of special needs kids to make me learn that it's ok to ask for help. I have had to learn though, that not everyone that I think will be supportive, actually is.

Have you ever heard "Well you wanted those kids, so what did you expect?" To me, that is incredibly insensitive and I want to scream "I still want my kids, I just need to vent about how tough it is!" Yup, it's easy to eliminate certain people that I thought would be more supportive than they turned out to be. Disappointing? Sure. But I like to think it's made me more efficient at seeking support, and it has honed my advocacy skills as well.

I'm fortunate to have friends and co-workers that I can rely on who will be there for me when I need to cry and vent. They don't need to know all the details of my current stress, but if I choose to share them, they don't sit in judgement and offer lame advice that doesn't apply. Thank goodness for all of them!

Right now, I'm heading out the door to hike up the mountain with a friend who has no concept of special needs adoption. I don't need her to be that. She gets me out doing exercise when I would rather be sitting on my butt feeling miserable. I will feel better after, and sometimes that's enough to lift my spirits and give me the strength to go back and do what I'm meant to do. Be a mom to 3 wonderful kids, and a wife to my wonderful husband. Oh yeah, and a friend/daughter/sister/employee.