Help Wanted - Conflict Negotiator

Required immediately. Must have many years experience in extremely hazardous conditions.

Duties to include, but not limited to:
- deciding who gets to sit in which chair

- resolving "seat saved" time limitation disputes

- establishing and instituting policy and procedures regarding watching tv programs and playing video games
- establish hierarchy on who gets first choice in tv show/video game selection - criteria must take into consideration the following factors: who was already watching/playing something, how long they have been at this activity, and if all complainants have completed their assigned household and school tasks in a satisfactory manner

- establish and institute policy and procedure for borrowing clothes from another household member and determine at what point in time the item must be returned in a similar condition as when it was borrowed

- establish before each trip in any vehicle where the line in the back seat is that neither passenger is allowed to cross
- in case all family members need to be in the same vehicle at the same time, establish who sits in the middle to, during and from the destination
- determine how far in advance "shot gun" can be called prior to any trip in any vehicle, and at what point that trip ends (ie. one way, return, etc.) and someone else can call "shot gun"

- enforce current policy that even though someone says they didn't leave the light on, they are still required to turn it off upon request of their supervisor. (This policy also includes closing doors and flushing toilets).

Formal degrees in behavioral management or education not the least bit relevant.

Preference will be given to those with military or correctional facility experience.

Hours of work: All waking hours and sometimes sleeping hours.

Rate of pay: Let's just consider this a volunteer position - no one could possibly afford to pay what this job is worth.

Don't bother sending a resume, just show up and you can have the job