That river in Egypt...

You know the one....the one that allows my daughter to totally absolve herself of any blame, responsibility, or accountability for her actions.

Denial is a wonderful place to visit, but for my kid it's her home away from home. Living here is where she does her best work. Anything is possible here.

Feeling creative? Why not just take your pen and use it on the wall? And when you are questioned about it you can say you were just walking past and accidentally bumped into the wall.

Are you mad because your Nintendo DS died? Sneak into your brother's room and take his. Oh, and don't forget to erase all his files and stay up all night playing it. Come morning time you have no idea how it ended up in your room. You didn't take it.


Does your mom question why there are 15 sore throat losenges in your jeans pocket? You have no idea how they got there because it certainly wasn't you who put them there. Because you would NEVER take something that wasn't yours.

Do the scissors and cut up clothes on your bedroom floor mean that you cut up your own clothes? Of course not.

All those things you are accused of doing are not your fault. However if someone takes some of your things, well then that is definitely a crisis which involves stomping, yelling and throwing things.

And why doesn't anyone want to lend you things or let you in their bedrooms unsupervised? It's totally unfair because you won't take or destroy anything - you never have. Never.

It's just not fair.

Kamloops Support Group

I had a great time last night making a guest appearance at the Kamloops Adoptive Parents Support Group.

Long time AFA volunteers Cheryl Peters and Monica Sivertson have run this group for many years supporting adoptive parents at any stage of the process.

Monica wasn't able to join us last night, but Cheryl welcomed us into her home with tea and snacks. (I brought a box of chocolately things - these savvy moms didn't fall for "I made these just for you!")

The time flew by with lots of discussions around our experiences with MCFD adoptions, what's happening on the international adoption scene, and of course lots of personal stories of challenges and successes.

One of the participants is just starting the MCFD adoption process and this is her second support group meeting. "C" has participated in my online Adoption Education Program Self Study Plus and is waiting for her home study to begin. I was so pleased that I finally got to meet "C" after getting to know her a little bit on our conference call series.


Throughout the meeting we were hoping "C" would not to be scared off by our stories, as that's always a fear when "newbies" join a support group. We may talk about some really challenging situations, but we also share how we survived that crisis, and can now laugh about it with others.

As we were leaving, "C" commented that she now knows no matter how crazy things get, she has a safe place to share those experiences.

A huge SHOUT OUT to Cheryl for facilitating this. I love seeing first hand how our volunteers support families at all stages - their experience and their empathy shows in everything they do!

So why don't more parents come out to our support group throughout the province?

Some join at the start of their adoption journeys and stop coming once their kids are home. Some come once because they feel they have to because their social worker has suggested it. And then there's the die hard support group groupies like me. Once I attended my first support group years ago after my first daughter came home, I was hooked.

Some parents feel they are too busy with their kids to come out, or finding suitable child care is impossible. Others of us grasp at any opportunity to escape for an evening of adult conversation where we feel welcomed and supported.

I always strongly encourage parents to continue coming to the groups in their communities. For me, it a necessity for sanity. (Hmmmm, that could be a new tag line for us!)

So please, check out our website for the AFABC support groups in your area - I know you'll have a good time. But be warned......attending an AFABC group is addictive!

Who are you...

...and what have you done with my real son?

You must be an imposter. My son hates reading.

You have voluntarily picked up not one, but two books recently and read them without constant reminders (nagging) to "focus". And they're actual real chapter books, not graphic novels involving video game characters or Pokemon.

And correct me if I'm wrong, but wasn't that you who begged me to let him finish the chapter he was reading, before he had to turn the light off and go to sleep?


And, I'm certain it was you who told me you had actually read the "points for class discussion" at the end of the book so you could hopefully do better on your Accelerated Reading quiz?

What happened to the boy who consistently had notes come home from the teacher that reported while the rest of the class had achieved at least 50% of their Accelerated Reading goal, you had achieved 0?

Dare I say it? Could it possibly be true? My son enjoys reading!!!!!!!

And honestly....I don't really care if you ARE an alien who has taken over the body of my 10 year old son....please stay awhile....perhaps until the end of grade 12?

Ok, I'll admit it.....

I'm a junkie....A Dr. Phil junkie. My PVR is set to record every episode and watching them is my guilty pleasure late at night after every one else has gone to bed.

My favorite episodes are as follows, in order of priority...

1. The Dr. Phil Housewives - I can't decide who I like the most, or who I love to hate the most. No that's not true. Gloria drives me insane and in the last episode of the Dr. Phil Housewives, Dr. Phil was just starting to confront her - love it!!

2. The Dr. Phil Family - in case you haven't seen this family, it's based around Alexandra who is 23 (or some such young age) and a mother of 3 who doesn't have custody of any of her kids. Her parents are raising them. The most recent baby was born addicted to drugs. Alexandra is an addict and self destructing, and generally refuses Dr. Phil's help any time he tries to get her to rehab.

3. Brandon and his mother who are trained interventionists.

My least favorite episodes are any that include his wife Robin. Now don't go posting comments about what a lovely devoted wife she is....I know that already. I'm sure she is very lovely. Except I find her very annoying with her perfectly veneered teeth and her "good ol' devoted Texas wife" routine. Sheesh - I mean do you really have to be at EVERY one of your husbands shows???

So why am I blogging about Dr. Phil? Because I was trying to figure out why I like his show so much. He doesn't seem to back away from the tough issues, or interview celebrities who are promoting their latest movie or tell all book. You won't find any shoe-throwing antics on his show. I think it's because he really is bringing mental health issues to the forefront using mainstream media. He always is an advocate for any children or youth, and he puts his money where his mouth is by providing high end resources to so many people. He "tells it like it is" and says all those things I wish I could say. (Of course he has credentials and education and real world experience while I have none of that.)

Dr. Phil also offers his help to the philandering husband (or wife), the troubled youth that no one has been able to help, the co-dependent parent who enables the addicted child, and the bickering parents who constantly fight in front of their children.

Yes, I'm a groupie.

Self-Study Plus – A new free service for prospective adoptive families

Adoptive Families Association of BC, in partnership with MCFD, is offering two sessions of our new Self-Study Plus program. This innovative program has previously been offered only in the Interior and North regions but will now be available province-wide with priority to families in remote communities unable to attend a face-to-face AEP. The program builds on the existing MCFD Self-Study model (print-based materials) and enhances it and the learning experience by including an interactive tele-conference component, peer support, and electronic access to the most recent and relevant resources, videos and articles.

For more information or to register, please contact the facilitator, Dianna Mortensen, at dmortensen@bcadoption.com or toll free 1-866-694-1222.