How did it happen?

Once again my best intentions for blogging regularly have fallen by the wayside. So I'll try to catch up the best I can.

Rhianna was fab-u-lous! We had great seats (even when the security guy came and made us move to our real seats because I had read the ticket wrong because I didn't have my glasses!), and it was so great to see all the Harambee people in their bright green shirts rocking out.

The next day we headed out to Naramata for the afternoon/evening for dinner with the Paterson family. Perhaps I should back up a bit and explain why we weren't camping with the group since we've been going there for the past 11 years.

So here's the story...I didn't want to.

Last year's week long camping experience just about pushed me right over the edge. Between one kid who was "bored", one who was happy to just hang out with his two buddies, and one who required constant supervision it was exhausting. It's not that there's nothing to do, because there's lots of activities to join in and lots of other kids to hang out with; not to mention the beaches. But for my one daughter who struggles with most aspects of being away from home and all things familiar, it's exhausting to try and keep her safe. Plus the never ending cleaning, cooking, cleaning, cooking without a dishwasher, washer or dryer or my own shower, and a bed where the cushions keep separating....well I'm sure you can understand how the lack of quality sleep affects my ability to keep calm and be kind....day after day after day.

So this year we decided to give up our place on the senority list and not attend. And it was very odd to be there just for an afternoon/evening and not stay over.

Most importantly I discovered how supportive my Harambee family is no matter what. Everyone I spoke with understood my decision not to attend and although they have all soldiered through camp despite their own crises, they were supportive of my decision to stay home. Thank you for the hugs and for listening, and for your humor and support. I really needed it.

Oh and thanks for including me in the Rhianna concert.

What a great opportunity!

Out of the blue my phone rang this afternoon with an offer of two free tickets to see the Rhianna concert tonight in Penticton.

It seems Rhianna has donated 225 tickets for the concert to the families at Harambee in Naramata, and there was enough for us to go too! My daughter is soooo excited.

I am floored by the whole thing. Tickets range anywhere from $65 to $300 and although I'm sure we have the $65 seats, I am thrilled to be included. Apparently it will be a great show, and Ke$ha is one of the openning acts.

So tomorrow I will report on the concert and tell you how great it was! Stay tuned!

"But why????"

Yes it's summer, so my kids think that the rules regarding the length of time they can spend staring at some kind of screen do not apply. If they had their way, they could just veg out in the living room all day long. Oh, and apparently if it's raining and/or cold and miserable outside it really isn't "fair" that the one hour of screen time per day still applies.

So in an effort to compromise and keep my own sanity, I will sometimes allow them to watch tv if they are doing something at the same time instead of just mindlessly watching some stupid episode of "The Suite Life on Deck" that they've seen at least 10 times already. The "doing something" can be drawing, building with Lego, puzzle making, etc. However throwing orange peels at your siblings and arguing over which one is Zack and which one is Cody and what their real life names are does not count as an activity.

And just for the record, eating is also not considered "doing something" while you watch tv. Because they would also eat all day long if they could. But no, not an actual meal or a sandwich. Nope because that would take time away from the tv to actually put a peanut butter sandwich together. It's much easier to take the box of cereal with you into the living room and eat handfuls of it directly from the box. Which of course then annoys your siblings and grosses them out so they can then yell "Mom he's eating cereal from the box again and that's my favorite kind but now I can never eat it again cause his slimy hands have been in there!"

And let's not forget the favorite trick of sliding granola bar wrappers and apple cores down the sides of the chairs and couches because then we don't have to get off our butts to walk the 10 steps to the garbage can.

Effective tomorrow, it will have been officially 7 days since they last saw the inside of the school. Only 7. We have a long way to go. But, on the bright side the weather is supposed to improve starting tomorrow so yea! We can actually go to the beach without hoodies and blankets! Tomorrow also is the start of the junior sprint triathlon training I've signed the kids up for. That will keep them busy (and hungry).

This weekend we're camping for two days in Oliver and then in another week or so we're heading to Vancouver Island for 5 days. Then it's soccer camp for one kid, and off to Kamloops for a few days of fishing with the grandparents. And before long the summer will be over.

It really does go by quickly...but some days can be very very long.

An interesting read...

This is one of the blogs I read fairly regularly, and I liked this article on the effects of praise on our adopted children. Let me know what you think.

http://perspectivespress.com/blog/2010/07/01/the-art-of-praising-your-adopted-son-or-daughter/?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+PerspectivesOnChallengedFamilyBuilding+%28Perspectives+on+Challenged+Family+Building%29

Que Sera Sera...

"Whatever will be, will be." That is my new motto of the day. At least that's what I'm telling myself over and over today as I struggle with 4 year old behaviors in an 11 year old body.

This particular child has been home for almost 9 years, and yet we still struggle with attachment. It's definitely improved since day 1,but for this child, it will always be a struggle. Having a diagnosis of an anxiety disorder, adhd, combined with alcohol and drug exposure and a "less than stimulating" first foster care experience is a really tough way to start your life. And those experiences stay with you forever.

Despite the commitment we've made to this child and the million different ways we try to demonstrate it, I know she doesn't feel that she fits in. How do I know this? Because she wrote me a note one time when she was really furious at me that said "I hate it here. I've always hated it here and I lie every day to you when I say I love you. I hate you."

She would never verbalize those emotions, but she was able to write them. She never gave me the note - I found it on her bedroom floor (but did she leave it there deliberately so I would find it???). I know of many parents that would be devastated finding a note from their child like that. I'm not devastated. I'm sad that she feels that way, but in a weird way I'm glad I found the note. At least she's able to vent her emotions in a way that isn't hurting herself or anyone else.

And yet, usually she's seems to be quite a happy kid and although she's very quiet she doesn't seem to hold a grudge and can go from mad, to sad, to glad in a very short period of time. She seems to get over things very quickly, which is probably her way of dealing with the emotions to just pretend they're not there and all is well with her world.

We've been working with a psychologist to try and help her become more verbal when asked questions about things she's done (good and not-so-good). It's going to be a long slow road for her, and for our family.

That's why I'm channeling Doris Day songs.