ALL SOCCER....ALL THE TIME !!!!

It must be spring....it's soccer central at our house. Which also means we can forget about having dinner together most days of the week. Someone is always going somewhere and needing a clean uniform.

Here's a glimpse of what the upcoming week looks like for us...

Friday - kid #2 - psychologist appointment in Kelowna at 4:00 pm,
Friday - kid #1 - help coach 3 -4 year old soccer in Penticton at 4:00 pm (car pool drops her off, I pick up car pool at 7:00 pm)
Saturday - kid #3 - game in Penticton at 3:30 pm, must be there by 3:00 pm, kid #1 babysits for nieces at 5:00 pm
Sunday - kid #1 - game in Vernon at 2:00 pm, must be there by 1:00 pm but we need to stop at the mall in Kelowna on the way to buy shorts so we need to leave by 10:00 am
Monday - kid #3 - soccer practice in Summerland 6:30 pm - 7:30 pm
Tuesday - kid #1 practice in Penticton must be on field by 5:45 pm - my turn to drive carpool
Wednesday - kid #3 gold program practice in Penticton at 5:30 pm - my turn to drive carpool
Thursday - kid #1 practice in Penticton must be on field by 5:45 pm - someone else's turn to drive carpool - kid #3 practice in Summerland 6:30 pm - 7:30 pm

And then it starts all over again. And somewhere in all that I have two conference calls in the evenings, a day trip to Kamloops ( 3 1/2 hours drive each way), get my winter tires taken off, have my windshield repaired, two fitness classes, two morning hikes up the mountain, and my regular work, and let's not forget grocery shopping, laundry, and attempting to keep the clutter under control. Oh yeah and Easter is coming up so I need to get the kids something.

Oh and did I mention we're renovating our basement and there is drywall dust everywhere? And ski boots are piled on top of suitcases on top of video games on top of Christmas decorations.

I hate chaos....but at least it's downstairs so I only have to trip over everything when I'm attempting to get to the laundry room...which clearly isn't often enough because no one has any clean clothes. "Oh c'mon, just because there's a mustard stain on your hoodie doesn't mean you can't wear it to school." Sheesh.


So I guess I shouldn't be spending my time writing this blog, but I'm waiting and hoping that perhaps the house-cleaning fairy with show up with her magic wand and make it all better. As if.

I thought there would be cake...

...and rainbows, and happy smiley faces. At least that's what I thought when we first started considering adoption. All these things would automatically come with the child or children that we adopted. Clearly I was wrong.

Even through all the research, the education, the homestudy, the pre-placement visits, yada yada yada, I still had that tiny bit of hope that the cake, rainbows and happy smiley faces would come as part of the package. "Once the kids are in OUR home, things will be better." Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.

I'm not sure at what point that little fantasy expired, but I think it was in the first few hours we were home. Of course, things were slightly better once we got home - better for me that is. Living between hotels and foster parents' homes is incredibly stressful.

It was different for each of my kids though. My oldest (who was 3 at the time) thought it was great fun to have playmates for the first two days. Then she would wake up in the morning and ask "have they gone home yet?" My son spent his first few days escaping from his crib (he was 20 months old), and having meltdowns every time things didn't go his way. My middle daughter (who was also 3 at the time) refused to comply with any request and implemented her reign of terror on everyone. My house looked like a day care centre after a hurricane.

Eventually we implemented new routines and structure into their lives, but the cake moments were few and far between. There were times when I thought we would never have cake moments, and I often doubted my ability to parent. But I knew if I could hang in there long enough, and just take one day (sometimes one hour) at a time things would get better. It was slow going and often no progress was made.

But here we are more than 9 years later. There have been many difficult moments and often it seemed I would never see cake again. But I have. There have been many cake moments complete with rainbows and happy smiley faces, and those moments are the ones I remind myself of when things seem cake-less.

To My Son's Social Studies Teacher:

Could you please explain to me how filling out a family tree chart fits in with your study of the functions of government? I fail to see the connection.

And by the way...thanks for this random family tree assignment. I really appreciate not having any notice what so ever that this was part of the curriculum. I was wondering why my son has been laying awake at night missing his birth mom and wanting to know more about her. It was great to sit up late into the night with my son while he tossed and turned and cried himself to sleep. Fun times. Fun times.

I realize I have not specifically said to you....my son was adopted transracially and if you are going to sneak in a section on family trees I would appreciate a "head's up". I suppose the information sheet you insisted be filled out at the start of the school year with this type of information on it was just another homework assignment for me that you haven't yet had time to read? Perhaps you didn't notice at the parent-teacher interview that my husband and I are of a different race than our son, and possibly your curiosity may have been tweaked enough to look at his information sheet?

Apparently not.

SAVE THE DATE......

2011 TRUE COLOURS - MEHABER- FAMILY CAMP

Yes, it's "true" (no pun intended!) Our second annual family camp is just about finalized. Tam and I are finalizing details, costs, etc. and we hope to have the www.eventbrite.com site ready to go live in a few days.

First priority will be given to returning families, but there will still be lots of space for new families too.

So mark your calenders to save Sept. 1 - Sept. 5, 2011 for camping in the Kootenays!

To medicate, or not to medicate...that is the question

We had this discussion at a recent pediatrician's appointment. For one of my children with ADHD it seems the time release meds that are supposed to last until after dinner seem to wear off right around the time school is finished.

Of course it could be that this child is so exhausted from holding it together at school that once the school day is over, it's safe to relax and be the quirky kid once again. Or, perhaps the meds are depleted around 3:00 pm each day. Or perhaps the dosage isn't correct. Or perhaps the meds themselves need to be changed and we need to try a different type. Or.....?

Well for this particular child we are extremely reluctant to try any other types of ADHD medication. We've been there and done that, and it nearly ended up in yet another emergency room visit. And fortunately the pediatrician is on the same page with us in that department, but there are other similar types of drugs that would probably be safe. So, do we change just for the sake of change?

I know there are plenty of people out there who thinks natural ways of counteracting the ADHD behaviors through eliminating foods with additives, sugars, etc. And for some people this may solve the problem. Not in this child's case. We need the meds.

I say "we" because it's not just my child who suffers when the medication isn't enough or isn't working any more. Every one who comes in contact with my child will have a much better experience if my child is on medication.

For example, who at school wants to be friends with the kid who can't sit still, who frustrates the teacher, who sits and cuts up their clothes, etc.? What teacher wants this child in their classroom? What sibling wants to be seen with a sister or brother who is constantly embarrassing them with extremely immature behavior? What parent wants to have a child who is awake until 3 am every night because the child's brain won't shut down? Does this help build attachment? I don't think so. Does this help build our child's self esteem? I know it doesn't.

Although medication won't make my child into a perfect angel, (and anyways, that would be soooo boring!) it can certainly help set my child up for success. It can help them settle at school so they can learn, so they can make and keep appropriate friends, have healthy relationships with their siblings, and have stronger attachments with their parents.

But back to my point about when medications aren't working the best they could or have been. Together with our pediatrician we decided to add a short acting ADHD medication for when my child comes in the door from school. This wears off by bedtime, but in the meanwhile it allows my child to get the homework completed, interact with siblings appropriately, spend time together with me that actually allows us to watch a TV show together without bouncing. And we've also started using a longer-acting melatonin to help stay asleep all night.

As the pediatrician said, "If the medication allows your child to be successful at school, wouldn't you want medication that allows your child to be successful at home too?" I couldn't agree more.

So for now we may have added yet another prescription to the long list at the pharmacy, and as long as it works we'll keep going until it doesn't.

2011 AFABC Vernon Family Camp

Second Annual AFABC Camp August 19-22, 2011 at Fintry Provincial Park.

All adoptive and pre-adoptive families are invited to come together for a fun weekend of camping, sharing food and friendship, laughter and play.

We have booked a group site that has space for 8-10 families,depending on the number of people per family. There are no hookups, but there is room for trailers and/or tents on the site.

Plans to date include potluck lunches and/or dinners, with families responsible for their own breakfasts, snacks, and beverages. The annual North Okanagan Adoptive Families Barbeque will also be held on this weekend.

There are two flush outhouses nearby, with bathroom/showers available within the campground as well. There is a beach with a non-supervised swimming area, a playground, and plenty of room to explore.

Camping fees are $30.00 per family; as space is limited - first come,
first served; for more information or to register, please contact
Teresa Kisilevich (tmkisil@gmail.com 250-545-2653) or Joyanne
Drinkwater (coryandjoy@shaw.ca 778-480-4488).

AEP SSP, and other annoying acronyms..

What the heck do those letters mean? It's one of our AFABC remote access educational series: Adoption Education Series Self Study Plus

Still wondering what that means? Well for anyone who has or is currently going through the process to adopt a child or children from MCFD (another acronym: Ministry of Children and Family Development)is required to participate in the Adoption Education Program (AEP) generally before their SW (social worker) will even begin the homestudy.

Generally speaking the best way for MCFD to deliver the AEP is in a group workshop format. Different regions do their 6 - 7 sessions differently. Some regions host full day workshops every other weekend, while some offer shorter evening sessions during the week for 12 weeks. However these workshops are usually only held in major centres. For the Interior region that I cover, there are 3 sub-regions. Group AEPs are usually held for the Okanagan in Kelowna on a regular basis. Once or twice a year Kamloops hosts a group AEP.

So what about the Kootenays and those families who live in remote communities in my region? How do they meet the education requirement? I'm so glad you asked. Since 2000 (yes, way back then) MCFD developed a self-study guide for families that cannot attend a group AEP because of distance. It's called....Becoming An Adoptive Family in BC, and is broken down into different chapters on the various topics.

So way back in 2000 this curriculum was developed and placed into binders for that purpose. However since the turn of the century, there has been an updated curriculum developed for the group AEP that incorporates current research and uses up-to-date videos and other resources. As of yet, the Self-Study Guide has not been updated, although rumor has it that "people" are working on this.

Several years ago a SW in the Kootenay region contacted me about finding a way to connect their families who were isolated and only able to read through a very thick binder with only their SW to talk with. So I came up with the conference call concept. (I guess I could call it the CCC)

I designed a series of 4 conference calls that coincided with sections in the Self Study Guide binders. Families would be referred to me via their MCFD adoption worker, and I would contact them directly to set up the calls. I didn't want to just go over the materials they had already read, I wanted to add to their knowledge and give these families an opportunity to connect with others who were also going through the process.
Since it's inception I have wanted to include as many updated resources as possible. That involved doing lots of research for ways to deliver the resources. I started with mailing out dvds and audio cds, but this wasn't the most efficient or cost effective way and thanks to Canada Post, things would get lost or damaged.

They say necessity is the inpiration, so several summers ago I spent quite alot of time searching for free, on-line resources to share with our families. And surprisingly enough, I found some great on-line videos most of which are actually Canadian! My goal was to add to the existing curriculum as I don't have the power to change it, and to give families a variety of different ways of learning. (Not everyone loves reading through pages and pages of materials. Shocking I know!)

We have had such great feedback on this program from both SWs and PAP (prospective adoptive parents), that last year we began offering the AEP SSP to the North region. Our ASC (Adoption Support Coordinator) there is Sherrie Jones and she delivers it for her families. Again, we've had great feedback on that.

So what else can we do with our AEP SSP? Well, MCFD has now contracted AFABC (Adoptive Families Assoc. of BC) to deliver two of these SSPs province wide. That is so fabulous! Sometimes regions don't have enough of their families to make it worthwile, so now we can include them in with other regions.

Last night I hosted the first of these provincial AEP SSPs. It was so wonderful to connect families from both the East and West Kootenays, the Thompson Caribou, North Central and North West, as well as Vancouver Coastal. We had so many great discussions, and the participants commented that although they were quite hesitant when their adoption SWs wanted them to participate, they all enjoyed the call and appreciated the updated on-line videos and resources I provided. I love when that happens.

So if you know of anyone who lives in a remote community or who doesn't have access to the group AEP, let them know about this program. It's the next best thing to being there in person.