Him: Why do I have to clean my room?
Me: Because it's messy.
Him:Why can't I play video games first, then clean my room later?
Me: Because that's how your room got so messy while I was gone. Later never comes for you.
(5 minutes passes)
Him: But you said yesterday that I could play video games when I got home from school.
Me:I said you could play video games after your room was cleaned.
(Crashing and banging sounds come from his room)
Him: Do you know why it takes me so long to clean my room?
Me: Yes.
Him: Well??? Do you?
Me:Yes.
Him: If you know, why won't you tell me?
Me: I do know, and I'll tell you when your room is clean.
Him: I have ADHD you know, and it's hard for me to concentrate.
Me: Yeah, that sucks. Go clean your room.
(Stomps off to his room)
5 minutes later:
Him: Come see how much I've done.
Me: No thanks, I'll wait for the grand finale.
Him: How come she gets to watch tv?
Me: She finished cleaning her room already. You can start by putting all your dirty clothes in a laundry basket.
Him: Where's a laundry basket?
Me: I bet you could figure that out if you thought for at least 10 seconds.
Him: (Stomps off to the laundry room and returns empty handed)
Me: Go get a laundry basket.
Him: (Takes one dirty sock and puts it in the laundry basket in the laundry room - comes back empty handed.)
Me: Go. Get. A. Laundry. Basket. And. Bring. It. Back. To. Your. Room.
Him: (Comes back with a laundry basket.)
Me: Now put the dirty clothes in the basket. Do NOT include toys, belts, food, rocks, magnets, dead bugs, or anything that could melt in the dryer.
Him: (Rolls around on the floor attempting to pick up things with his teeth)
Me: Get up and pick up the clothes with your hands.
Him: My tummy hurts.
Me: Get up and pick up the clothes with your hands and put them in the laundry basket.
Him: All of them? But they're not all dirty. I'm going to die and die and die all day long.
Me: Well at least your room will be clean when you're dead.
Him: That's not nice you know.
Me: (I'm distracted by a phone call)
Him: (He's now using the laundry basket to help pretend he's a turtle, and slowly creeps into the living room to argue with his sister that he gets to play video games and she can't watch the Suite Life on Deck. As if I won't notice an upside down laundry basket moving across the floor.)
Me: (Hangs up from phone call) Ok, into your room turtle boy. (I proceed to tell him item by item which one to pick up and put where.)
Him: Aren't you done yet?
Me: Very funny.
(After only about 5 minutes, his room is done.)
Him: Next time, could you please sort my Lego by characters? I don't want the Star Wars mixed in with Indiana Jones.
Me: Yeah, like that's gonna happen. Go play your video game. I need a cup of tea.
Welcome to the AFABC Interior Region Blog. Check back here often for resources, events, and discussions on contemporary adoption issues.
Monday, May 30, 2011
Thursday, May 26, 2011
Anxiety....
It's almost like clockwork. It's so predictable. And yet I hate that it's so predictable.
It's been at least 18 months since my husband and I have had a break from the tag team parenting that is necessary with my middle daughter. Despite her being 12 years old, we can never leave her alone. Not even to run into town to pick up milk. Not even to leave her in the car while I run into the store to pick up milk.
She is always either with my husband or me. But finally we scraped enough $$ together to head off to Vancouver for the weekend, and pay someone to come stay with the youngest two. My older daughter has soccer all weekend so she's staying with a team mate. Our respite provider's name is Gayle, and she is wonderful! Year's ago, when my daughter was in grade two, Gayle was her EA. She's efficient, follows the plan, she's kind, she's reliable. And...she's a registered nurse. So maintaining the diabetes care isn't anything new to her, and doing respite for us helps her by adding to her nursing hours.
So what's the problem? Where does the anxiety come in? Today at school my daughter's blood sugars started rising and by lunch time they were high. As per the care plan the EA phones me, I tell her how much insulin my daughter needs to give herself, the EA watches while my daughter administers it to herself, and we move on. Except when the blood sugars are this high I ask the EA to re-test in 30 min. and phone me with the results. Thirty minutes later the EA phones, her blood sugar is still going up, so we correct it again. Thirty minutes later the EA phones and now the blood sugar has gone up significantly, despite a mass quantity of insulin that has been administered. And of course the kids aren't actually at the school, they're on a field trip 30 minutes away. I was going to go get her, but the school bus was coming to pick them up in a few minutes anyways so we agreed to meet at the school. As they pull into the school she re-tests and finally the sugars are dropping. Two hours has elapsed. If the sugars hadn't been going down we would have been on our way to the emergency room.
This type of prolonged high blood sugar is not from eating food and not giving herself insulin. This is what happens when she is anxious. She knows we're going away and even though she knows Gayle, and she will be in her own home her body goes into panic mode. And typical of my daughter, when asked about it she says she feels fine. (This is what the psychiatrist refers to when he says she disassociates). In her mind, nothing has happened. She doesn't even "feel" any of the symptoms of high blood sugar. Not physically, not emotionally. She has totally removed herself from the experience.
It's exhausting as a mom. I was all prepared to cancel room reservations in Vancouver and phone and make one at ICU. What will happen tomorrow at school? Will it be a repeat of today? Or will it be a typical day for her? Your guess is as good as mine. Will we still go away? Yes, but we're always prepared to turn around and come home on a moment's notice. So even though it's supposed to be a weekend without thinking about our kids and their issues, I know I will be.
But for now, I'll be thinking about where we should eat in Vancouver, deciding if we should go to the Whitecaps game on Saturday or see a show. I'll be inspecting funky shops on West 4th and having coffee and chocolate on South Granville. But I will always be listeing for my phone to ring.
It's been at least 18 months since my husband and I have had a break from the tag team parenting that is necessary with my middle daughter. Despite her being 12 years old, we can never leave her alone. Not even to run into town to pick up milk. Not even to leave her in the car while I run into the store to pick up milk.
She is always either with my husband or me. But finally we scraped enough $$ together to head off to Vancouver for the weekend, and pay someone to come stay with the youngest two. My older daughter has soccer all weekend so she's staying with a team mate. Our respite provider's name is Gayle, and she is wonderful! Year's ago, when my daughter was in grade two, Gayle was her EA. She's efficient, follows the plan, she's kind, she's reliable. And...she's a registered nurse. So maintaining the diabetes care isn't anything new to her, and doing respite for us helps her by adding to her nursing hours.
So what's the problem? Where does the anxiety come in? Today at school my daughter's blood sugars started rising and by lunch time they were high. As per the care plan the EA phones me, I tell her how much insulin my daughter needs to give herself, the EA watches while my daughter administers it to herself, and we move on. Except when the blood sugars are this high I ask the EA to re-test in 30 min. and phone me with the results. Thirty minutes later the EA phones, her blood sugar is still going up, so we correct it again. Thirty minutes later the EA phones and now the blood sugar has gone up significantly, despite a mass quantity of insulin that has been administered. And of course the kids aren't actually at the school, they're on a field trip 30 minutes away. I was going to go get her, but the school bus was coming to pick them up in a few minutes anyways so we agreed to meet at the school. As they pull into the school she re-tests and finally the sugars are dropping. Two hours has elapsed. If the sugars hadn't been going down we would have been on our way to the emergency room.
This type of prolonged high blood sugar is not from eating food and not giving herself insulin. This is what happens when she is anxious. She knows we're going away and even though she knows Gayle, and she will be in her own home her body goes into panic mode. And typical of my daughter, when asked about it she says she feels fine. (This is what the psychiatrist refers to when he says she disassociates). In her mind, nothing has happened. She doesn't even "feel" any of the symptoms of high blood sugar. Not physically, not emotionally. She has totally removed herself from the experience.
It's exhausting as a mom. I was all prepared to cancel room reservations in Vancouver and phone and make one at ICU. What will happen tomorrow at school? Will it be a repeat of today? Or will it be a typical day for her? Your guess is as good as mine. Will we still go away? Yes, but we're always prepared to turn around and come home on a moment's notice. So even though it's supposed to be a weekend without thinking about our kids and their issues, I know I will be.
But for now, I'll be thinking about where we should eat in Vancouver, deciding if we should go to the Whitecaps game on Saturday or see a show. I'll be inspecting funky shops on West 4th and having coffee and chocolate on South Granville. But I will always be listeing for my phone to ring.
Wednesday, May 11, 2011
"Knock Knock"
As I was searching my child's room last night for contraband, I came across a book I hadn't seen for quite awhile. "Everyone's Favorite Knock Knock Jokes". Really? Everyone's Favorite? There is no such thing. Knock Knock jokes are just another tool in our kids' arsenals designed to drive us crazy.
Oh sure, it's cute the first few times. And when it's someone else's kid who is obsessed with knock knock jokes, it's hilarious. However, anyone who gives a kid a book on knock knock jokes is right up there with the people who give our kids harmonicas, drums, tamborines and maracas. It's a socially acceptable form of torture for the parents.
As I recall, this particular book of knock knock jokes came into our possession from the regional library staff where I had signed my kids up for the summer reading program a few years ago. You know, it was one of those programs designed to encourage kids to read over the summer with reward charts, stickers, group activities....all those things designed for the typical child. And for lots of kids it is a wonderful program. My oldest daughter for example, loved it and thrived in that atmosphere. Well, for my other two...let's just say it was an exercise in futility. While other parents snuck off for coffee while their kids were in the group (personally I think "coffee" was a code word for the pub!), I had to stay and try and contain my youngest child. My middle child was so overwhelmed that she just followed her older sister around and I figured at least this way she was getting some type of social contact.
Picture this: it's a beautiful summer evening...there's a group of kids sitting on the grass listening to the librarian read them a story and using puppets. The kids are entranced with the story and the puppets...except for two of my kids. One is staring off into space. My son is sitting in the middle of the group pulling his t-shirt over his knees so he's able to transform himself into a ball - a wrecking ball. He proceeds to try to roll around like this and in the process hits several of the little girls in their pretty little summer dresses who are trying to hear the story and watch the puppet show. I think about pretending I don't know him, but we are already well known in the library (not necessarily for our reading) so I have to weave my way through the kids and try and remove my child, who refuses to stop being a ball, so I have to try and pick him up and carry him out of the crowd. Needless to say ths does disrupt the flow of the story and even the puppets are looking annoyed.
Mercifully the story soon ends and it's time for the librarian to draw names for prizes. (Why oh why do they do this with so many little ones there? Not everyone gets a prize which is a great concept for kids to learn, but for the little ones it only causes tantrums and tears.) And guess who wins a prize? My son. And what does she give him? A giant book of knock knock jokes.
Ok, so librarians have to get their revenge somehow, but really? That's just cruel.
It's all coming back to me now. I think it was me who hid that book. Can you blame me?
Oh sure, it's cute the first few times. And when it's someone else's kid who is obsessed with knock knock jokes, it's hilarious. However, anyone who gives a kid a book on knock knock jokes is right up there with the people who give our kids harmonicas, drums, tamborines and maracas. It's a socially acceptable form of torture for the parents.
As I recall, this particular book of knock knock jokes came into our possession from the regional library staff where I had signed my kids up for the summer reading program a few years ago. You know, it was one of those programs designed to encourage kids to read over the summer with reward charts, stickers, group activities....all those things designed for the typical child. And for lots of kids it is a wonderful program. My oldest daughter for example, loved it and thrived in that atmosphere. Well, for my other two...let's just say it was an exercise in futility. While other parents snuck off for coffee while their kids were in the group (personally I think "coffee" was a code word for the pub!), I had to stay and try and contain my youngest child. My middle child was so overwhelmed that she just followed her older sister around and I figured at least this way she was getting some type of social contact.
Picture this: it's a beautiful summer evening...there's a group of kids sitting on the grass listening to the librarian read them a story and using puppets. The kids are entranced with the story and the puppets...except for two of my kids. One is staring off into space. My son is sitting in the middle of the group pulling his t-shirt over his knees so he's able to transform himself into a ball - a wrecking ball. He proceeds to try to roll around like this and in the process hits several of the little girls in their pretty little summer dresses who are trying to hear the story and watch the puppet show. I think about pretending I don't know him, but we are already well known in the library (not necessarily for our reading) so I have to weave my way through the kids and try and remove my child, who refuses to stop being a ball, so I have to try and pick him up and carry him out of the crowd. Needless to say ths does disrupt the flow of the story and even the puppets are looking annoyed.
Mercifully the story soon ends and it's time for the librarian to draw names for prizes. (Why oh why do they do this with so many little ones there? Not everyone gets a prize which is a great concept for kids to learn, but for the little ones it only causes tantrums and tears.) And guess who wins a prize? My son. And what does she give him? A giant book of knock knock jokes.
Ok, so librarians have to get their revenge somehow, but really? That's just cruel.
It's all coming back to me now. I think it was me who hid that book. Can you blame me?
Monday, May 2, 2011
We Need To Talk About Kevin
This is an amazing book, and one I would recommend to anyone and everyone. It's one of the few books I've read that I literally couldn't put down, and even after I finished reading it I couldn't stop thinking about it for weeks.
The story is about a fictional school massacre written from the mother's perspective, and how she tries to come to terms with her son and the murders he's committed. It's written in the form of letters to her estranged husband.
It may sound rather strange, and perhaps it is. However the writing is so well done, and you can empathize with the mother as she takes you on an extremely emotional journey of her son's life. It also speaks volumes about attachment. The mother was very ambivalent about her pregnancy, and this book forces you to think about how that influenced her son's development - nature vs. nurture.
Should be blame the mother, or perhaps the easily manipulated father who thought his son could do nothing wrong? Or was Kevin born a sociopath?
If you get a chance to read this book, let me know your thoughts.
True Colours Mehaber Camp September 2011
Come camping with us! All families with children of African heritage are invited to join in our second annual family camp. We're taking over Whatshan Lake Retreat (www.whatshan.com) and we'd love to see you there.
Whatshan Lake Retreat has generously offered up their entire facility for True Colours - Mehaber. We have reserved all the cabins and campsites for our families, as well as the Whispering Pines Concession. It includes a covered picnic area, refrigerators, freezer, cooler, microwave, outdoor grill and propane stove. Men's and women's washrooms with coin-operated showers are also included.
A camp fee of $55 per family has been added to the cabin/campsite cost to help with this expense. (If you are sharing a cabin with another family, please also purchase the camp fee separately. All families participating are required to pay the $55 camp fee.)
Your camp fee also includes a bbq dinner on Sunday night - hot dogs and burgers included - please bring a salad or dessert to share!
Note: All reservations MUST be done through this site.
http://2011truecoloursmehaber.eventbrite.com/
Whatshan Lake Retreat has generously offered up their entire facility for True Colours - Mehaber. We have reserved all the cabins and campsites for our families, as well as the Whispering Pines Concession. It includes a covered picnic area, refrigerators, freezer, cooler, microwave, outdoor grill and propane stove. Men's and women's washrooms with coin-operated showers are also included.
A camp fee of $55 per family has been added to the cabin/campsite cost to help with this expense. (If you are sharing a cabin with another family, please also purchase the camp fee separately. All families participating are required to pay the $55 camp fee.)
Your camp fee also includes a bbq dinner on Sunday night - hot dogs and burgers included - please bring a salad or dessert to share!
Note: All reservations MUST be done through this site.
http://2011truecoloursmehaber.eventbrite.com/
Thursday, April 28, 2011
What is happening with our health care system?
It seems to be working.
I noticed today that one of my prescriptions would be finished by the weekend and I had used all my refills. I phoned my friendly medical clinic (they are very friendly - really!) hoping for a last minute appointment. Now you have to understand that there are probably 6 doctors working out of this office at any given time, and like most communities they have full patient lists and are not taking on new patients. It's usually busier than Costco on a Saturday in the clinic, and I knew my chances were slim to none. The receptionist joked that I was only asking for a minor miracle when I phoned looking for an appointment before the weekend. But she said she could squeeze me in this afternoon at 2:45.
That's not the best time as you can imagine, what with kids arriving home from school and all, but hey, I jumped at the chance. My youngest usually arrives home from the bus at 2:55 pm, so I thought I would leave a note for him where I was and that I would be home soon. He doesn't do well with "surprises" and he would be alone for about 25 minutes before his older sister got home. He's in grade 5, so it's not as if he can't be alone for that long. But...I was a little concerned that because I hadn't been able to give him any notice about this, and prep him for what he needed to do, that he would be worried and anxious. And given his ADHD I was concerned that he wouldn't see the big note written in red letters telling him where I was.
So at 2:30 I headed to town for my appointment and arrived a few minutes early hoping I could catch up on the latest issue of People magazine while I waited. And waited. Because we all know doctors are never on time. I had barely sat down and found the issue with Charlie Sheen on the front, when the receptionist ushered me into the examination room. (Yes, I took Charlie with me because we also all know this is just a ploy to help empty the waiting room while you continue to wait in the examination room listing to the oldies radio station.) I had just sat down (again) and dug my reading glasses out of my purse when the doctor came in. We chatted, he entered what he needed to enter in his computer, printed out my prescriptions and I was outta there! (And I never did find out what the latest news on Charlie is.)
I couldn't believe it. I made it home as my son was walking down the driveway.
Ok, so this isn't surgery that I was waiting for, and it wasn't life threatening. But I was really really impressed with that experience. Now it may never happen again, but I really appreciated how well it worked. Today.
It also made me think about all the health care dollars that our family consumes on a regular basis, and how lucky we are to have what we have. Sure there are problems, and lengthy waits for surgery, but compared to other countries we are extremely fortunate. If we had to pay directly for all the medical specialists that we regularly use for ourselves and our children, well I can't even imagine where that money would come from. Sure, we pay for the psychologist(s) ourselves, but the GPs, the pediatricians, the endocrinologist, the many emergency room visits, yada yada yada, are all part of our health care system. I need to remind myself of that more often.
I also think about my daughter's birth mom in the US, and one of her reasons for choosing us to parent her child was because we live in Canada. She wanted her child to have access to good health care; not just what was available for low income families in the US. Of course there were other reasons for her decision too, but that was important in her planning for her baby.
I know my experience today at the clinic won't necessarily be repeated, but I need reminders every now and then to not take our system for granted, despite it's faults. Our family is stronger and healthier because of it.
I noticed today that one of my prescriptions would be finished by the weekend and I had used all my refills. I phoned my friendly medical clinic (they are very friendly - really!) hoping for a last minute appointment. Now you have to understand that there are probably 6 doctors working out of this office at any given time, and like most communities they have full patient lists and are not taking on new patients. It's usually busier than Costco on a Saturday in the clinic, and I knew my chances were slim to none. The receptionist joked that I was only asking for a minor miracle when I phoned looking for an appointment before the weekend. But she said she could squeeze me in this afternoon at 2:45.
That's not the best time as you can imagine, what with kids arriving home from school and all, but hey, I jumped at the chance. My youngest usually arrives home from the bus at 2:55 pm, so I thought I would leave a note for him where I was and that I would be home soon. He doesn't do well with "surprises" and he would be alone for about 25 minutes before his older sister got home. He's in grade 5, so it's not as if he can't be alone for that long. But...I was a little concerned that because I hadn't been able to give him any notice about this, and prep him for what he needed to do, that he would be worried and anxious. And given his ADHD I was concerned that he wouldn't see the big note written in red letters telling him where I was.
So at 2:30 I headed to town for my appointment and arrived a few minutes early hoping I could catch up on the latest issue of People magazine while I waited. And waited. Because we all know doctors are never on time. I had barely sat down and found the issue with Charlie Sheen on the front, when the receptionist ushered me into the examination room. (Yes, I took Charlie with me because we also all know this is just a ploy to help empty the waiting room while you continue to wait in the examination room listing to the oldies radio station.) I had just sat down (again) and dug my reading glasses out of my purse when the doctor came in. We chatted, he entered what he needed to enter in his computer, printed out my prescriptions and I was outta there! (And I never did find out what the latest news on Charlie is.)
I couldn't believe it. I made it home as my son was walking down the driveway.
Ok, so this isn't surgery that I was waiting for, and it wasn't life threatening. But I was really really impressed with that experience. Now it may never happen again, but I really appreciated how well it worked. Today.
It also made me think about all the health care dollars that our family consumes on a regular basis, and how lucky we are to have what we have. Sure there are problems, and lengthy waits for surgery, but compared to other countries we are extremely fortunate. If we had to pay directly for all the medical specialists that we regularly use for ourselves and our children, well I can't even imagine where that money would come from. Sure, we pay for the psychologist(s) ourselves, but the GPs, the pediatricians, the endocrinologist, the many emergency room visits, yada yada yada, are all part of our health care system. I need to remind myself of that more often.
I also think about my daughter's birth mom in the US, and one of her reasons for choosing us to parent her child was because we live in Canada. She wanted her child to have access to good health care; not just what was available for low income families in the US. Of course there were other reasons for her decision too, but that was important in her planning for her baby.
I know my experience today at the clinic won't necessarily be repeated, but I need reminders every now and then to not take our system for granted, despite it's faults. Our family is stronger and healthier because of it.
Thursday, April 21, 2011
Help Wanted - Conflict Negotiator
Required immediately. Must have many years experience in extremely hazardous conditions.
Duties to include, but not limited to:
- deciding who gets to sit in which chair
- resolving "seat saved" time limitation disputes
- establishing and instituting policy and procedures regarding watching tv programs and playing video games
- establish hierarchy on who gets first choice in tv show/video game selection - criteria must take into consideration the following factors: who was already watching/playing something, how long they have been at this activity, and if all complainants have completed their assigned household and school tasks in a satisfactory manner
- establish and institute policy and procedure for borrowing clothes from another household member and determine at what point in time the item must be returned in a similar condition as when it was borrowed
- establish before each trip in any vehicle where the line in the back seat is that neither passenger is allowed to cross
- in case all family members need to be in the same vehicle at the same time, establish who sits in the middle to, during and from the destination
- determine how far in advance "shot gun" can be called prior to any trip in any vehicle, and at what point that trip ends (ie. one way, return, etc.) and someone else can call "shot gun"
- enforce current policy that even though someone says they didn't leave the light on, they are still required to turn it off upon request of their supervisor. (This policy also includes closing doors and flushing toilets).
Formal degrees in behavioral management or education not the least bit relevant.
Preference will be given to those with military or correctional facility experience.
Hours of work: All waking hours and sometimes sleeping hours.
Rate of pay: Let's just consider this a volunteer position - no one could possibly afford to pay what this job is worth.
Don't bother sending a resume, just show up and you can have the job
Tuesday, April 19, 2011
Road Trip!
No, not the exciting road trip that involves girl friends, shopping and eating out. Today was a whirlwind tour to Kamloops and back for a meeting with MCFD to review the new deliverables in our contract to provide adoption support in the interior region. Sound like fun?
Well, despite having to depart at 6:00 am (I felt like I was on The Amazing Race without a partner nagging at me), the trip was enjoyable even though it involved work. It wasn't until I hit Merritt that I found a Starbucks that was open, and since I had allowed additional travel time in case of snow/hail/or other bad weather, I had plenty of time to sit and enjoy my coffee. Oh, and did I mention I got to listen to my music and/or CBC without comments from any passengers? I still had plenty of time to make my meeting in Kamloops.
I was early for my meeting so I had a chance to catch up with Anne Kishiyama who is the head honcho (not her official title) for the region, and she let me go shopping in her "freebie" room where they keep all the MCFD fun stuff (as fun as MCFD can be). I still have a stash of lunch bags and backpacks, as well as tons of frisbees, photo frames and pencils so I didn't need any supplies from there. However, Anne has always been incredibly generous with books....all types of books. Two boxes of books to be exact.
No, they're not all for me (although I thrilled to be able to read the new Bruce Perry book before I give it to a family)...these books are resources that I share with families who have recently had placements throughout the region. There's several copies of Deborah Grey's latest "Nurturing Adoptions", Brenda McCrieght's "Parenting Your Older Adopted Child" and also her "Help I've Been Adopted!" written for pre-tweens and tweens. And I can't even begin to list the many children's books she gave me.
You may have read previous posts I've written on the importance of celebrating when kids join families at any age, and how for many families they need to plan this themselves as many friends and extended family members are not sure how to celebrate new arrivals, or if they should celebrate them at all. I started putting together fun stuff for families with new placements many years ago, and with the support of MCFD we are able to continue this.
I believe the books are the best part of the packages the families receive, and the other stuff is a bonus. Plus it gives me an excuse to connect with new and repeating adoptive families during and exciting and busy time.
So we did accomplish more than just me picking up books there - we have lots of new ideas for workshops, parent panels, family camps, transracial family camps, and much much more! Stay tuned and I'll update you as we finalize details.
I've been home for approx. 65 minutes, and now I must round up the soccer player, feed the dog, take the left over dinner from last night out of the fridge, start my car pool run, buy a week's worth of groceries, pick up the car pool after a freezing cold night of soccer, deliver the other kids home, unload the groceries and hopefully have help putting them away. I hope to be home in time for the end of the hockey game though....wish me luck!
Well, despite having to depart at 6:00 am (I felt like I was on The Amazing Race without a partner nagging at me), the trip was enjoyable even though it involved work. It wasn't until I hit Merritt that I found a Starbucks that was open, and since I had allowed additional travel time in case of snow/hail/or other bad weather, I had plenty of time to sit and enjoy my coffee. Oh, and did I mention I got to listen to my music and/or CBC without comments from any passengers? I still had plenty of time to make my meeting in Kamloops.
I was early for my meeting so I had a chance to catch up with Anne Kishiyama who is the head honcho (not her official title) for the region, and she let me go shopping in her "freebie" room where they keep all the MCFD fun stuff (as fun as MCFD can be). I still have a stash of lunch bags and backpacks, as well as tons of frisbees, photo frames and pencils so I didn't need any supplies from there. However, Anne has always been incredibly generous with books....all types of books. Two boxes of books to be exact.
No, they're not all for me (although I thrilled to be able to read the new Bruce Perry book before I give it to a family)...these books are resources that I share with families who have recently had placements throughout the region. There's several copies of Deborah Grey's latest "Nurturing Adoptions", Brenda McCrieght's "Parenting Your Older Adopted Child" and also her "Help I've Been Adopted!" written for pre-tweens and tweens. And I can't even begin to list the many children's books she gave me.
You may have read previous posts I've written on the importance of celebrating when kids join families at any age, and how for many families they need to plan this themselves as many friends and extended family members are not sure how to celebrate new arrivals, or if they should celebrate them at all. I started putting together fun stuff for families with new placements many years ago, and with the support of MCFD we are able to continue this.
I believe the books are the best part of the packages the families receive, and the other stuff is a bonus. Plus it gives me an excuse to connect with new and repeating adoptive families during and exciting and busy time.
So we did accomplish more than just me picking up books there - we have lots of new ideas for workshops, parent panels, family camps, transracial family camps, and much much more! Stay tuned and I'll update you as we finalize details.
I've been home for approx. 65 minutes, and now I must round up the soccer player, feed the dog, take the left over dinner from last night out of the fridge, start my car pool run, buy a week's worth of groceries, pick up the car pool after a freezing cold night of soccer, deliver the other kids home, unload the groceries and hopefully have help putting them away. I hope to be home in time for the end of the hockey game though....wish me luck!
Friday, April 15, 2011
ALL SOCCER....ALL THE TIME !!!!
It must be spring....it's soccer central at our house. Which also means we can forget about having dinner together most days of the week. Someone is always going somewhere and needing a clean uniform.
Here's a glimpse of what the upcoming week looks like for us...
Friday - kid #2 - psychologist appointment in Kelowna at 4:00 pm,
Friday - kid #1 - help coach 3 -4 year old soccer in Penticton at 4:00 pm (car pool drops her off, I pick up car pool at 7:00 pm)
Saturday - kid #3 - game in Penticton at 3:30 pm, must be there by 3:00 pm, kid #1 babysits for nieces at 5:00 pm
Sunday - kid #1 - game in Vernon at 2:00 pm, must be there by 1:00 pm but we need to stop at the mall in Kelowna on the way to buy shorts so we need to leave by 10:00 am
Monday - kid #3 - soccer practice in Summerland 6:30 pm - 7:30 pm
Tuesday - kid #1 practice in Penticton must be on field by 5:45 pm - my turn to drive carpool
Wednesday - kid #3 gold program practice in Penticton at 5:30 pm - my turn to drive carpool
Thursday - kid #1 practice in Penticton must be on field by 5:45 pm - someone else's turn to drive carpool - kid #3 practice in Summerland 6:30 pm - 7:30 pm
And then it starts all over again. And somewhere in all that I have two conference calls in the evenings, a day trip to Kamloops ( 3 1/2 hours drive each way), get my winter tires taken off, have my windshield repaired, two fitness classes, two morning hikes up the mountain, and my regular work, and let's not forget grocery shopping, laundry, and attempting to keep the clutter under control. Oh yeah and Easter is coming up so I need to get the kids something.
Oh and did I mention we're renovating our basement and there is drywall dust everywhere? And ski boots are piled on top of suitcases on top of video games on top of Christmas decorations.
I hate chaos....but at least it's downstairs so I only have to trip over everything when I'm attempting to get to the laundry room...which clearly isn't often enough because no one has any clean clothes. "Oh c'mon, just because there's a mustard stain on your hoodie doesn't mean you can't wear it to school." Sheesh.
So I guess I shouldn't be spending my time writing this blog, but I'm waiting and hoping that perhaps the house-cleaning fairy with show up with her magic wand and make it all better. As if.
Here's a glimpse of what the upcoming week looks like for us...
Friday - kid #2 - psychologist appointment in Kelowna at 4:00 pm,
Friday - kid #1 - help coach 3 -4 year old soccer in Penticton at 4:00 pm (car pool drops her off, I pick up car pool at 7:00 pm)
Saturday - kid #3 - game in Penticton at 3:30 pm, must be there by 3:00 pm, kid #1 babysits for nieces at 5:00 pm
Sunday - kid #1 - game in Vernon at 2:00 pm, must be there by 1:00 pm but we need to stop at the mall in Kelowna on the way to buy shorts so we need to leave by 10:00 am
Monday - kid #3 - soccer practice in Summerland 6:30 pm - 7:30 pm
Tuesday - kid #1 practice in Penticton must be on field by 5:45 pm - my turn to drive carpool
Wednesday - kid #3 gold program practice in Penticton at 5:30 pm - my turn to drive carpool
Thursday - kid #1 practice in Penticton must be on field by 5:45 pm - someone else's turn to drive carpool - kid #3 practice in Summerland 6:30 pm - 7:30 pm
And then it starts all over again. And somewhere in all that I have two conference calls in the evenings, a day trip to Kamloops ( 3 1/2 hours drive each way), get my winter tires taken off, have my windshield repaired, two fitness classes, two morning hikes up the mountain, and my regular work, and let's not forget grocery shopping, laundry, and attempting to keep the clutter under control. Oh yeah and Easter is coming up so I need to get the kids something.
Oh and did I mention we're renovating our basement and there is drywall dust everywhere? And ski boots are piled on top of suitcases on top of video games on top of Christmas decorations.
I hate chaos....but at least it's downstairs so I only have to trip over everything when I'm attempting to get to the laundry room...which clearly isn't often enough because no one has any clean clothes. "Oh c'mon, just because there's a mustard stain on your hoodie doesn't mean you can't wear it to school." Sheesh.
So I guess I shouldn't be spending my time writing this blog, but I'm waiting and hoping that perhaps the house-cleaning fairy with show up with her magic wand and make it all better. As if.
Thursday, April 14, 2011
I thought there would be cake...
...and rainbows, and happy smiley faces. At least that's what I thought when we first started considering adoption. All these things would automatically come with the child or children that we adopted. Clearly I was wrong.
Even through all the research, the education, the homestudy, the pre-placement visits, yada yada yada, I still had that tiny bit of hope that the cake, rainbows and happy smiley faces would come as part of the package. "Once the kids are in OUR home, things will be better." Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.
I'm not sure at what point that little fantasy expired, but I think it was in the first few hours we were home. Of course, things were slightly better once we got home - better for me that is. Living between hotels and foster parents' homes is incredibly stressful.
It was different for each of my kids though. My oldest (who was 3 at the time) thought it was great fun to have playmates for the first two days. Then she would wake up in the morning and ask "have they gone home yet?" My son spent his first few days escaping from his crib (he was 20 months old), and having meltdowns every time things didn't go his way. My middle daughter (who was also 3 at the time) refused to comply with any request and implemented her reign of terror on everyone. My house looked like a day care centre after a hurricane.
Eventually we implemented new routines and structure into their lives, but the cake moments were few and far between. There were times when I thought we would never have cake moments, and I often doubted my ability to parent. But I knew if I could hang in there long enough, and just take one day (sometimes one hour) at a time things would get better. It was slow going and often no progress was made.
But here we are more than 9 years later. There have been many difficult moments and often it seemed I would never see cake again. But I have. There have been many cake moments complete with rainbows and happy smiley faces, and those moments are the ones I remind myself of when things seem cake-less.
Tuesday, April 12, 2011
To My Son's Social Studies Teacher:
Could you please explain to me how filling out a family tree chart fits in with your study of the functions of government? I fail to see the connection.
And by the way...thanks for this random family tree assignment. I really appreciate not having any notice what so ever that this was part of the curriculum. I was wondering why my son has been laying awake at night missing his birth mom and wanting to know more about her. It was great to sit up late into the night with my son while he tossed and turned and cried himself to sleep. Fun times. Fun times.
I realize I have not specifically said to you....my son was adopted transracially and if you are going to sneak in a section on family trees I would appreciate a "head's up". I suppose the information sheet you insisted be filled out at the start of the school year with this type of information on it was just another homework assignment for me that you haven't yet had time to read? Perhaps you didn't notice at the parent-teacher interview that my husband and I are of a different race than our son, and possibly your curiosity may have been tweaked enough to look at his information sheet?
Apparently not.
And by the way...thanks for this random family tree assignment. I really appreciate not having any notice what so ever that this was part of the curriculum. I was wondering why my son has been laying awake at night missing his birth mom and wanting to know more about her. It was great to sit up late into the night with my son while he tossed and turned and cried himself to sleep. Fun times. Fun times.
I realize I have not specifically said to you....my son was adopted transracially and if you are going to sneak in a section on family trees I would appreciate a "head's up". I suppose the information sheet you insisted be filled out at the start of the school year with this type of information on it was just another homework assignment for me that you haven't yet had time to read? Perhaps you didn't notice at the parent-teacher interview that my husband and I are of a different race than our son, and possibly your curiosity may have been tweaked enough to look at his information sheet?
Apparently not.
Friday, April 8, 2011
SAVE THE DATE......
2011 TRUE COLOURS - MEHABER- FAMILY CAMP
Yes, it's "true" (no pun intended!) Our second annual family camp is just about finalized. Tam and I are finalizing details, costs, etc. and we hope to have the www.eventbrite.com site ready to go live in a few days.
First priority will be given to returning families, but there will still be lots of space for new families too.
So mark your calenders to save Sept. 1 - Sept. 5, 2011 for camping in the Kootenays!
Thursday, April 7, 2011
To medicate, or not to medicate...that is the question
We had this discussion at a recent pediatrician's appointment. For one of my children with ADHD it seems the time release meds that are supposed to last until after dinner seem to wear off right around the time school is finished.
Of course it could be that this child is so exhausted from holding it together at school that once the school day is over, it's safe to relax and be the quirky kid once again. Or, perhaps the meds are depleted around 3:00 pm each day. Or perhaps the dosage isn't correct. Or perhaps the meds themselves need to be changed and we need to try a different type. Or.....?
Well for this particular child we are extremely reluctant to try any other types of ADHD medication. We've been there and done that, and it nearly ended up in yet another emergency room visit. And fortunately the pediatrician is on the same page with us in that department, but there are other similar types of drugs that would probably be safe. So, do we change just for the sake of change?
I know there are plenty of people out there who thinks natural ways of counteracting the ADHD behaviors through eliminating foods with additives, sugars, etc. And for some people this may solve the problem. Not in this child's case. We need the meds.
I say "we" because it's not just my child who suffers when the medication isn't enough or isn't working any more. Every one who comes in contact with my child will have a much better experience if my child is on medication.
For example, who at school wants to be friends with the kid who can't sit still, who frustrates the teacher, who sits and cuts up their clothes, etc.? What teacher wants this child in their classroom? What sibling wants to be seen with a sister or brother who is constantly embarrassing them with extremely immature behavior? What parent wants to have a child who is awake until 3 am every night because the child's brain won't shut down? Does this help build attachment? I don't think so. Does this help build our child's self esteem? I know it doesn't.
Although medication won't make my child into a perfect angel, (and anyways, that would be soooo boring!) it can certainly help set my child up for success. It can help them settle at school so they can learn, so they can make and keep appropriate friends, have healthy relationships with their siblings, and have stronger attachments with their parents.
But back to my point about when medications aren't working the best they could or have been. Together with our pediatrician we decided to add a short acting ADHD medication for when my child comes in the door from school. This wears off by bedtime, but in the meanwhile it allows my child to get the homework completed, interact with siblings appropriately, spend time together with me that actually allows us to watch a TV show together without bouncing. And we've also started using a longer-acting melatonin to help stay asleep all night.
As the pediatrician said, "If the medication allows your child to be successful at school, wouldn't you want medication that allows your child to be successful at home too?" I couldn't agree more.
So for now we may have added yet another prescription to the long list at the pharmacy, and as long as it works we'll keep going until it doesn't.
Wednesday, April 6, 2011
2011 AFABC Vernon Family Camp
Second Annual AFABC Camp August 19-22, 2011 at Fintry Provincial Park.
All adoptive and pre-adoptive families are invited to come together for a fun weekend of camping, sharing food and friendship, laughter and play.
We have booked a group site that has space for 8-10 families,depending on the number of people per family. There are no hookups, but there is room for trailers and/or tents on the site.
Plans to date include potluck lunches and/or dinners, with families responsible for their own breakfasts, snacks, and beverages. The annual North Okanagan Adoptive Families Barbeque will also be held on this weekend.
There are two flush outhouses nearby, with bathroom/showers available within the campground as well. There is a beach with a non-supervised swimming area, a playground, and plenty of room to explore.
Camping fees are $30.00 per family; as space is limited - first come,
first served; for more information or to register, please contact
Teresa Kisilevich (tmkisil@gmail.com 250-545-2653) or Joyanne
Drinkwater (coryandjoy@shaw.ca 778-480-4488).
Tuesday, April 5, 2011
AEP SSP, and other annoying acronyms..
What the heck do those letters mean? It's one of our AFABC remote access educational series: Adoption Education Series Self Study Plus
Still wondering what that means? Well for anyone who has or is currently going through the process to adopt a child or children from MCFD (another acronym: Ministry of Children and Family Development)is required to participate in the Adoption Education Program (AEP) generally before their SW (social worker) will even begin the homestudy.
Generally speaking the best way for MCFD to deliver the AEP is in a group workshop format. Different regions do their 6 - 7 sessions differently. Some regions host full day workshops every other weekend, while some offer shorter evening sessions during the week for 12 weeks. However these workshops are usually only held in major centres. For the Interior region that I cover, there are 3 sub-regions. Group AEPs are usually held for the Okanagan in Kelowna on a regular basis. Once or twice a year Kamloops hosts a group AEP.
So what about the Kootenays and those families who live in remote communities in my region? How do they meet the education requirement? I'm so glad you asked. Since 2000 (yes, way back then) MCFD developed a self-study guide for families that cannot attend a group AEP because of distance. It's called....Becoming An Adoptive Family in BC, and is broken down into different chapters on the various topics.
So way back in 2000 this curriculum was developed and placed into binders for that purpose. However since the turn of the century, there has been an updated curriculum developed for the group AEP that incorporates current research and uses up-to-date videos and other resources. As of yet, the Self-Study Guide has not been updated, although rumor has it that "people" are working on this.
Several years ago a SW in the Kootenay region contacted me about finding a way to connect their families who were isolated and only able to read through a very thick binder with only their SW to talk with. So I came up with the conference call concept. (I guess I could call it the CCC)
I designed a series of 4 conference calls that coincided with sections in the Self Study Guide binders. Families would be referred to me via their MCFD adoption worker, and I would contact them directly to set up the calls. I didn't want to just go over the materials they had already read, I wanted to add to their knowledge and give these families an opportunity to connect with others who were also going through the process.
Since it's inception I have wanted to include as many updated resources as possible. That involved doing lots of research for ways to deliver the resources. I started with mailing out dvds and audio cds, but this wasn't the most efficient or cost effective way and thanks to Canada Post, things would get lost or damaged.
They say necessity is the inpiration, so several summers ago I spent quite alot of time searching for free, on-line resources to share with our families. And surprisingly enough, I found some great on-line videos most of which are actually Canadian! My goal was to add to the existing curriculum as I don't have the power to change it, and to give families a variety of different ways of learning. (Not everyone loves reading through pages and pages of materials. Shocking I know!)
We have had such great feedback on this program from both SWs and PAP (prospective adoptive parents), that last year we began offering the AEP SSP to the North region. Our ASC (Adoption Support Coordinator) there is Sherrie Jones and she delivers it for her families. Again, we've had great feedback on that.
So what else can we do with our AEP SSP? Well, MCFD has now contracted AFABC (Adoptive Families Assoc. of BC) to deliver two of these SSPs province wide. That is so fabulous! Sometimes regions don't have enough of their families to make it worthwile, so now we can include them in with other regions.
Last night I hosted the first of these provincial AEP SSPs. It was so wonderful to connect families from both the East and West Kootenays, the Thompson Caribou, North Central and North West, as well as Vancouver Coastal. We had so many great discussions, and the participants commented that although they were quite hesitant when their adoption SWs wanted them to participate, they all enjoyed the call and appreciated the updated on-line videos and resources I provided. I love when that happens.
So if you know of anyone who lives in a remote community or who doesn't have access to the group AEP, let them know about this program. It's the next best thing to being there in person.
Still wondering what that means? Well for anyone who has or is currently going through the process to adopt a child or children from MCFD (another acronym: Ministry of Children and Family Development)is required to participate in the Adoption Education Program (AEP) generally before their SW (social worker) will even begin the homestudy.
Generally speaking the best way for MCFD to deliver the AEP is in a group workshop format. Different regions do their 6 - 7 sessions differently. Some regions host full day workshops every other weekend, while some offer shorter evening sessions during the week for 12 weeks. However these workshops are usually only held in major centres. For the Interior region that I cover, there are 3 sub-regions. Group AEPs are usually held for the Okanagan in Kelowna on a regular basis. Once or twice a year Kamloops hosts a group AEP.
So what about the Kootenays and those families who live in remote communities in my region? How do they meet the education requirement? I'm so glad you asked. Since 2000 (yes, way back then) MCFD developed a self-study guide for families that cannot attend a group AEP because of distance. It's called....Becoming An Adoptive Family in BC, and is broken down into different chapters on the various topics.
So way back in 2000 this curriculum was developed and placed into binders for that purpose. However since the turn of the century, there has been an updated curriculum developed for the group AEP that incorporates current research and uses up-to-date videos and other resources. As of yet, the Self-Study Guide has not been updated, although rumor has it that "people" are working on this.
Several years ago a SW in the Kootenay region contacted me about finding a way to connect their families who were isolated and only able to read through a very thick binder with only their SW to talk with. So I came up with the conference call concept. (I guess I could call it the CCC)
I designed a series of 4 conference calls that coincided with sections in the Self Study Guide binders. Families would be referred to me via their MCFD adoption worker, and I would contact them directly to set up the calls. I didn't want to just go over the materials they had already read, I wanted to add to their knowledge and give these families an opportunity to connect with others who were also going through the process.
Since it's inception I have wanted to include as many updated resources as possible. That involved doing lots of research for ways to deliver the resources. I started with mailing out dvds and audio cds, but this wasn't the most efficient or cost effective way and thanks to Canada Post, things would get lost or damaged.
They say necessity is the inpiration, so several summers ago I spent quite alot of time searching for free, on-line resources to share with our families. And surprisingly enough, I found some great on-line videos most of which are actually Canadian! My goal was to add to the existing curriculum as I don't have the power to change it, and to give families a variety of different ways of learning. (Not everyone loves reading through pages and pages of materials. Shocking I know!)
We have had such great feedback on this program from both SWs and PAP (prospective adoptive parents), that last year we began offering the AEP SSP to the North region. Our ASC (Adoption Support Coordinator) there is Sherrie Jones and she delivers it for her families. Again, we've had great feedback on that.
So what else can we do with our AEP SSP? Well, MCFD has now contracted AFABC (Adoptive Families Assoc. of BC) to deliver two of these SSPs province wide. That is so fabulous! Sometimes regions don't have enough of their families to make it worthwile, so now we can include them in with other regions.
Last night I hosted the first of these provincial AEP SSPs. It was so wonderful to connect families from both the East and West Kootenays, the Thompson Caribou, North Central and North West, as well as Vancouver Coastal. We had so many great discussions, and the participants commented that although they were quite hesitant when their adoption SWs wanted them to participate, they all enjoyed the call and appreciated the updated on-line videos and resources I provided. I love when that happens.
So if you know of anyone who lives in a remote community or who doesn't have access to the group AEP, let them know about this program. It's the next best thing to being there in person.
Tuesday, March 29, 2011
That river in Egypt...
You know the one....the one that allows my daughter to totally absolve herself of any blame, responsibility, or accountability for her actions.
Denial is a wonderful place to visit, but for my kid it's her home away from home. Living here is where she does her best work. Anything is possible here.
Feeling creative? Why not just take your pen and use it on the wall? And when you are questioned about it you can say you were just walking past and accidentally bumped into the wall.
Are you mad because your Nintendo DS died? Sneak into your brother's room and take his. Oh, and don't forget to erase all his files and stay up all night playing it. Come morning time you have no idea how it ended up in your room. You didn't take it.
Does your mom question why there are 15 sore throat losenges in your jeans pocket? You have no idea how they got there because it certainly wasn't you who put them there. Because you would NEVER take something that wasn't yours.
Do the scissors and cut up clothes on your bedroom floor mean that you cut up your own clothes? Of course not.
All those things you are accused of doing are not your fault. However if someone takes some of your things, well then that is definitely a crisis which involves stomping, yelling and throwing things.
And why doesn't anyone want to lend you things or let you in their bedrooms unsupervised? It's totally unfair because you won't take or destroy anything - you never have. Never.
It's just not fair.
Denial is a wonderful place to visit, but for my kid it's her home away from home. Living here is where she does her best work. Anything is possible here.
Feeling creative? Why not just take your pen and use it on the wall? And when you are questioned about it you can say you were just walking past and accidentally bumped into the wall.
Are you mad because your Nintendo DS died? Sneak into your brother's room and take his. Oh, and don't forget to erase all his files and stay up all night playing it. Come morning time you have no idea how it ended up in your room. You didn't take it.
Does your mom question why there are 15 sore throat losenges in your jeans pocket? You have no idea how they got there because it certainly wasn't you who put them there. Because you would NEVER take something that wasn't yours.
Do the scissors and cut up clothes on your bedroom floor mean that you cut up your own clothes? Of course not.
All those things you are accused of doing are not your fault. However if someone takes some of your things, well then that is definitely a crisis which involves stomping, yelling and throwing things.
And why doesn't anyone want to lend you things or let you in their bedrooms unsupervised? It's totally unfair because you won't take or destroy anything - you never have. Never.
It's just not fair.
Friday, March 11, 2011
Kamloops Support Group
I had a great time last night making a guest appearance at the Kamloops Adoptive Parents Support Group.
Long time AFA volunteers Cheryl Peters and Monica Sivertson have run this group for many years supporting adoptive parents at any stage of the process.
Monica wasn't able to join us last night, but Cheryl welcomed us into her home with tea and snacks. (I brought a box of chocolately things - these savvy moms didn't fall for "I made these just for you!")
The time flew by with lots of discussions around our experiences with MCFD adoptions, what's happening on the international adoption scene, and of course lots of personal stories of challenges and successes.
One of the participants is just starting the MCFD adoption process and this is her second support group meeting. "C" has participated in my online Adoption Education Program Self Study Plus and is waiting for her home study to begin. I was so pleased that I finally got to meet "C" after getting to know her a little bit on our conference call series.
Throughout the meeting we were hoping "C" would not to be scared off by our stories, as that's always a fear when "newbies" join a support group. We may talk about some really challenging situations, but we also share how we survived that crisis, and can now laugh about it with others.
As we were leaving, "C" commented that she now knows no matter how crazy things get, she has a safe place to share those experiences.
A huge SHOUT OUT to Cheryl for facilitating this. I love seeing first hand how our volunteers support families at all stages - their experience and their empathy shows in everything they do!
So why don't more parents come out to our support group throughout the province?
Some join at the start of their adoption journeys and stop coming once their kids are home. Some come once because they feel they have to because their social worker has suggested it. And then there's the die hard support group groupies like me. Once I attended my first support group years ago after my first daughter came home, I was hooked.
Some parents feel they are too busy with their kids to come out, or finding suitable child care is impossible. Others of us grasp at any opportunity to escape for an evening of adult conversation where we feel welcomed and supported.
I always strongly encourage parents to continue coming to the groups in their communities. For me, it a necessity for sanity. (Hmmmm, that could be a new tag line for us!)
So please, check out our website for the AFABC support groups in your area - I know you'll have a good time. But be warned......attending an AFABC group is addictive!
Long time AFA volunteers Cheryl Peters and Monica Sivertson have run this group for many years supporting adoptive parents at any stage of the process.
Monica wasn't able to join us last night, but Cheryl welcomed us into her home with tea and snacks. (I brought a box of chocolately things - these savvy moms didn't fall for "I made these just for you!")
The time flew by with lots of discussions around our experiences with MCFD adoptions, what's happening on the international adoption scene, and of course lots of personal stories of challenges and successes.
One of the participants is just starting the MCFD adoption process and this is her second support group meeting. "C" has participated in my online Adoption Education Program Self Study Plus and is waiting for her home study to begin. I was so pleased that I finally got to meet "C" after getting to know her a little bit on our conference call series.
Throughout the meeting we were hoping "C" would not to be scared off by our stories, as that's always a fear when "newbies" join a support group. We may talk about some really challenging situations, but we also share how we survived that crisis, and can now laugh about it with others.
As we were leaving, "C" commented that she now knows no matter how crazy things get, she has a safe place to share those experiences.
A huge SHOUT OUT to Cheryl for facilitating this. I love seeing first hand how our volunteers support families at all stages - their experience and their empathy shows in everything they do!
So why don't more parents come out to our support group throughout the province?
Some join at the start of their adoption journeys and stop coming once their kids are home. Some come once because they feel they have to because their social worker has suggested it. And then there's the die hard support group groupies like me. Once I attended my first support group years ago after my first daughter came home, I was hooked.
Some parents feel they are too busy with their kids to come out, or finding suitable child care is impossible. Others of us grasp at any opportunity to escape for an evening of adult conversation where we feel welcomed and supported.
I always strongly encourage parents to continue coming to the groups in their communities. For me, it a necessity for sanity. (Hmmmm, that could be a new tag line for us!)
So please, check out our website for the AFABC support groups in your area - I know you'll have a good time. But be warned......attending an AFABC group is addictive!
Thursday, March 3, 2011
Who are you...
...and what have you done with my real son?
You must be an imposter. My son hates reading.
You have voluntarily picked up not one, but two books recently and read them without constant reminders (nagging) to "focus". And they're actual real chapter books, not graphic novels involving video game characters or Pokemon.
And correct me if I'm wrong, but wasn't that you who begged me to let him finish the chapter he was reading, before he had to turn the light off and go to sleep?
And, I'm certain it was you who told me you had actually read the "points for class discussion" at the end of the book so you could hopefully do better on your Accelerated Reading quiz?
What happened to the boy who consistently had notes come home from the teacher that reported while the rest of the class had achieved at least 50% of their Accelerated Reading goal, you had achieved 0?
Dare I say it? Could it possibly be true? My son enjoys reading!!!!!!!
And honestly....I don't really care if you ARE an alien who has taken over the body of my 10 year old son....please stay awhile....perhaps until the end of grade 12?
You must be an imposter. My son hates reading.
You have voluntarily picked up not one, but two books recently and read them without constant reminders (nagging) to "focus". And they're actual real chapter books, not graphic novels involving video game characters or Pokemon.
And correct me if I'm wrong, but wasn't that you who begged me to let him finish the chapter he was reading, before he had to turn the light off and go to sleep?
And, I'm certain it was you who told me you had actually read the "points for class discussion" at the end of the book so you could hopefully do better on your Accelerated Reading quiz?
What happened to the boy who consistently had notes come home from the teacher that reported while the rest of the class had achieved at least 50% of their Accelerated Reading goal, you had achieved 0?
Dare I say it? Could it possibly be true? My son enjoys reading!!!!!!!
And honestly....I don't really care if you ARE an alien who has taken over the body of my 10 year old son....please stay awhile....perhaps until the end of grade 12?
Wednesday, March 2, 2011
Ok, I'll admit it.....
I'm a junkie....A Dr. Phil junkie. My PVR is set to record every episode and watching them is my guilty pleasure late at night after every one else has gone to bed.
My favorite episodes are as follows, in order of priority...
1. The Dr. Phil Housewives - I can't decide who I like the most, or who I love to hate the most. No that's not true. Gloria drives me insane and in the last episode of the Dr. Phil Housewives, Dr. Phil was just starting to confront her - love it!!
2. The Dr. Phil Family - in case you haven't seen this family, it's based around Alexandra who is 23 (or some such young age) and a mother of 3 who doesn't have custody of any of her kids. Her parents are raising them. The most recent baby was born addicted to drugs. Alexandra is an addict and self destructing, and generally refuses Dr. Phil's help any time he tries to get her to rehab.
3. Brandon and his mother who are trained interventionists.
My least favorite episodes are any that include his wife Robin. Now don't go posting comments about what a lovely devoted wife she is....I know that already. I'm sure she is very lovely. Except I find her very annoying with her perfectly veneered teeth and her "good ol' devoted Texas wife" routine. Sheesh - I mean do you really have to be at EVERY one of your husbands shows???
So why am I blogging about Dr. Phil? Because I was trying to figure out why I like his show so much. He doesn't seem to back away from the tough issues, or interview celebrities who are promoting their latest movie or tell all book. You won't find any shoe-throwing antics on his show. I think it's because he really is bringing mental health issues to the forefront using mainstream media. He always is an advocate for any children or youth, and he puts his money where his mouth is by providing high end resources to so many people. He "tells it like it is" and says all those things I wish I could say. (Of course he has credentials and education and real world experience while I have none of that.)
Dr. Phil also offers his help to the philandering husband (or wife), the troubled youth that no one has been able to help, the co-dependent parent who enables the addicted child, and the bickering parents who constantly fight in front of their children.
Yes, I'm a groupie.
Tuesday, March 1, 2011
Self-Study Plus – A new free service for prospective adoptive families
Adoptive Families Association of BC, in partnership with MCFD, is offering two sessions of our new Self-Study Plus program. This innovative program has previously been offered only in the Interior and North regions but will now be available province-wide with priority to families in remote communities unable to attend a face-to-face AEP. The program builds on the existing MCFD Self-Study model (print-based materials) and enhances it and the learning experience by including an interactive tele-conference component, peer support, and electronic access to the most recent and relevant resources, videos and articles.
For more information or to register, please contact the facilitator, Dianna Mortensen, at dmortensen@bcadoption.com or toll free 1-866-694-1222.
For more information or to register, please contact the facilitator, Dianna Mortensen, at dmortensen@bcadoption.com or toll free 1-866-694-1222.
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