Keep calm and carry on...

Another one of those little ditties that at times seems appropriate, and at other times seems insulting and simplistic.

Today I vote for somewhere in-between. Finally after almost of month of daily crisis, I hit the wall. Crashed and burned. Yada, yada, yada. I knew it was coming because that's how all crisis es (sp. ??)end with me. And I was actually waiting for it to happen so I could move on and carry on.

Should I be locked away somewhere? No, I don't turn into the Wolfman or anything, so no need for incarceration. At least, not yet.

This crisis is/was one that I felt would happen, and unfortunately once again, my prediction came true. I wish I could predict the winning lottery numbers with as much accuracy as I can with my daughter's mental & physical health issues. But after 4 weeks of hyper-vigilence, not enough sleep no matter how many naps I took, multiple appointments with 7 different pediatricians, psychologists, and psychiatrists, multiple school based team meetings, the crash came.

I don't know about you, but for me the crash usually follows a typical pattern. I can function at a high level of caregiving for a very long time. This means eating poorly - too much, not enough, late at night. It means constantly having my child in my vision because if I let her out of my sight disaster will strike and she may not live through it. It means keeping all the above listed clinicians and school staff updated on a daily basis of her status. It means compartmentalizing everything and not allowing any emotions to break through. It also means trying to keep my relationship with my other kids from deteriorating while I once again handle the crisis child. And then it happens....the major debilitating migraine hits. I can feel it coming and if I actually listen to that little voice inside my head, I make sure I get myself home and stay there.

The last time this happened I was at an IEP meeting for one of my other kids and my vision started splitting and everything looked just slightly off. I'm sure they must have thought I was drunk or something because my speech started slurring too. I did phone the next day and explain it was a migraine.

Sure enough the pain and nausea came and took over my brain for what seemed like an eternity. But this morning I feel much better, and I'm glad it's over. The crisis isn't over, but the intensity has lessened and now I feel I can actually keep calm and carry on. Until the next one.