This is one of the best parts of my job - welcoming new kids into an adoptive home. When my two youngest came home, (almost 9 years ago!)we didn't really celebrate with a party or shower, or anything other than within our own family. The foster parents provided a huge sendoff party with all the people who were important in their lives, and what with trying to keep the attachment process intact, we kept everything really low key at home.
What I discovered from that, was no one else really made a big deal out of their arrival home. And that wasn't ok with me. I know for parents of newborns everyone gives them a shower with gifts and food, but it seems that for many who adopt older kids, no one really seems to know what to do. Do we stay away while they get settled? (Yes! Definitely!) And if so, then how long do we wait? (Ask the parents what works for them.) What's an appropriate gift? (Ask the parents.) And what ends up happening is, in the hustle and bustle of building attachment and working on attunement, the celebration can get pushed aside and never happen.
So quite a few years ago I came up with the idea of helping new families celebrate their placements. The Interior MCFD adoption workers let me know when they've officially placed a child, or children, what some of their special needs are, and if there are other kids in the home, their ages, etc. That's when I get to have fun and put together some items to support and celebrate the placement. As you can see from the photos, I include books for the kids on adoption, resources including appropriate books for the parents, and some fun stuff too. Then I package it up all pretty and deliver it to the MCFD social worker. The social worker then gets to deliver it to the new family with a minimum of fuss and interruption.I love being able to provide support and celebration to new families! And I know the families love it too!
Thank you so much Dianna, it makes us feel so welcome and not alone!
ReplyDeleteHi Diana,
ReplyDeleteI think this is a really nice way to support families - and introduce them to AFABC. I am wondering why families that adopt inter-country do not benefit from this worthwhile celebration and support as well?
I would love to be able to support the inter-country families this way too. I rely on the MCFD social workers, with numerous reminders, to let me know when children are placed. If the agencies would let me know when families are home with their children I could do this for them too. Perhaps I'll approach the Kelowna agency about this.
ReplyDeleteI think things have changed with infant adoption. I can still remember my mom crying at my sister's baby shower. She was the fifth infant in our family to be adopted and the first shower my mom was ever given.
ReplyDeleteI think it's really neat what you do for the MCFD families to welcome their children in! We are trying to adopt a teen through MCFD and I wonder what suggestions might be useful for making a teen feel welcomed (in the UNLIKELY event someone actually asks me -hee!) Warmly, Jennifer
Hey Jennifer, that's great you're trying to adopt a teen! Lots of challenges eh? I'd love to hear how your process is going. If you get a chance, give me a call on my toll free line 1-866-694-1222
ReplyDelete