"But why wasn't he removed from that home?"

"If he wasn't being looked after properly, why didn't anyone take him away?"

I've heard non-adoptive parents ask that question about children in foster care who have had "less-than stimulating" experiences in their home.

Physical abuse is much easier to spot obviously because there are bruises, marks, scars, etc. Child sexual abuse victims will usually display sexualized behavior which sets off alarms with teachers or other involved adults.

"Neglect means that the child lives in a chronic state of hunger, filth, and loneliness. The neglected child is not provided the food, clothing and shelter needed. Furthermore, neglect may involve simply ignoring the child; failing to respond to his pleas; leaving him to his own devices; failing to stimulate his senses by talking to him, carrying him about, encouraging his exploration of his world. Neglect may also include lack of medical care and/or mental health services as well as providing poor supervision, no supervision, or leaving the child in the care of someone who is not capable. For example, a ratio of 1 orphanage staff to 5 or more infants or toddlers is not sufficient and creates a neglectful situation. This would be like having quintuplets—only your mother, mother-in-law, sisters, aunts, friends, etc. aren’t available to help out!" (http://perspectivespress.com/blog/2010/08/18/why-love-isnt-enough-part-two-neglect/?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+PerspectivesOnChallengedFamilyBuilding+%28Perspectives+on+Challenged+Family+Building%29)

However for our kids that have experienced trauma due to neglect, it can be difficult to identify, and therefore difficult to intervene.

Here are some signs that MAY indicate child neglect:
(http://www.childwelfare.gov/pubs/factsheets/signs.cfm)

The Child:
- Shows sudden changes in behavior or school performance
- Has not received help for physical or medical problems brought to the parents' attention
- Has learning problems (or difficulty concentrating) that cannot be attributed to specific physical or psychological causes
- Is always watchful, as though preparing for something bad to happen
- Lacks adult supervision
- Is overly compliant, passive, or withdrawn
- Comes to school or other activities early, stays late, and does not want to go home

The Parent:
- Shows little concern for the child
- Denies the existence of—or blames the child for—the child's problems in school or at home
- Asks teachers or other caregivers to use harsh physical discipline if the child misbehaves
- Sees the child as entirely bad, worthless, or burdensome
- Demands a level of physical or academic performance the child cannot achieve
- Looks primarily to the child for care, attention, and satisfaction of emotional needs

The Parent and Child:
- Rarely touch or look at each other
- Consider their relationship entirely negative
- State that they do not like each other

As you experienced, educated, adoptive parents all know....it's so easy for someone else to make a quick comment such as "how could someone do that to a child?" and shake their heads in judgement. But we all know that it can and does happen far too often, and that some of our children live with the affects of neglect on a daily basis. Many of us will spend years trying to make up for the neglect our child experienced...and at times it seems as if all our efforts are in vain. But we soldier on knowing that we are making a difference.

Little bits at a time.