Rehab...

"Welcome to day one of Taking Responsibility For One's self.

For those of you who think you are too young for this program....think again. It is my job, as your mother, to prepare you for the realities of the world.

For those of you who think you shouldn't have to be responsible for your self...suck it up princess.

It is clear that my constant reminding/nagging (depending on your own definition)is not increasing your success at getting yourself ready for school in the mornings.

So, welcome to my program.

We begin day one with a review of the goals, guidelines, ethics and best practices.

My number one goal, is for all of you to be able to get yourselves fed, dressed, washed, teeth brushed, and hair done with all your required materials, clothes, footwear, and food, out the door by 7:40 am.

I understand that your goal is to sleep in, watch tv, play your DS and do what you want. However you are in MY program. You are not allowed to have goals in MY program. At least not on a school day.

The basic guidelines are as follows: you will do what you are asked the first time.

As for ethics, I have none in this program. I will use whatever best practices I feel are necessary to ensure the goals are met. This may or may not include the following:
* earlier bed times
* removal of some or all electronic devices
* withholding of some or all of your allowance
* additional chores that include cleaning up dog poop
* having to spend all your time away from school as my constant companion

I understand you may start referring to me as Warden, and please know that I consider that a compliment. But you may want to remember that Warden is the one who makes your school lunch and even makes waffles for you for breakfast sometimes.

Please note that bribes will be accepted, with no guarantee of compliance on my part.

Your success at this program will be amply rewarded on a case by case basis. Such rewards may or may not include the following:
* later bedtimes
* having friends over and/or going to their homes
* regular allowance payments
* additional food items that include sugar, cream and chocolate

Perhaps you are wondering how long this incarceration will last...and the answer is...until you graduate from high school and move out.

Once you have been rehabilitated as an adult productive member of society, you may feel free to share the joy with your own children.

Love Mom."

ps. Don't think you can go over my head to the Superintendant. You already know he's just a figurehead. Besides, he's too busy watching the playoffs.