A freebie and some interesting tid bits...

Grab a coffee and a snack and check out these links....







Need a quick break? Listen to this 15 min. free guided imagery download to help with headaches....
http://www.healthjourneys.com/audio_spa_treatment.asp

Here's an interesting article about goal setting....yes I see your eyes glaze over...seen it, heard it, yada yada yada. The researchers found that this technique was the most effective in encouraging people to make plans of action and in taking responsibility but only when expectations of success were high. When expectations of solving their interpersonal problem were low, those in the mental contrast condition made fewer plans and took less responsibility. Hmmm, perhaps if my daughter doesn't really want to succeed at changing her behavior, for a variety of reasons, this could be impacting her inability to take responsibility for her own behaviors...here's the link.....http://www.spring.org.uk/2011/01/how-to-commit-to-a-goal.php?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+PsychologyBlog+%28PsyBlog%29


Another great two part article from Arleta James on "Parenting and Healing the Sexually Acting Out Adoptee" Part One is here http://perspectivespress.com/blog/2011/01/20/parenting-and-healing-the-sexually-acting-out-adoptee-part-one/?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+PerspectivesOnChallengedFamilyBuilding+%28Perspectives+on+Challenged+Family+Building%29

and Part Two is here http://perspectivespress.com/blog/2011/01/26/parenting-and-healing-the-sexually-acting-out-adoptee-part-two/?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+PerspectivesOnChallengedFamilyBuilding+%28Perspectives+on+Challenged+Family+Building%29


And of course...don't forget to check out our AFABC website for tons of resources and articles and tons of different topics....www.bcadopt.com

What's on your playlist?

As I huffed and puffed through my pathetic workout yesterday, I was thinking it's time to update my tunes. I had my ipod on random shuffle or no specific order or whatever it's called, and the variety of songs that came on made me laugh.

From Blue Rodeo to Eminem, U2, KD Lang, Little Wayne, Shakira, Nicky Minog, Glee Cast...it's quite the eclectic playlist. And sometimes I mistakingly leave on my guided imagery tracks.

A friend of mine was shocked when she learned I listen to rap music. If it wasn't for my older daughter I would never has thought I would like it either. Yes the language is horrendous but the messages are very powerful. There are days when I can relate to Eminem's anger and his frustration at the systems we live in. When Little Wayne is cursing at the racism and stereotyping he experiences I can only hope my kids are aware that this could be their experiences too. (Without the drugs, addictions and violence.)

Then my playlist switches to songs performed by the cast of Glee and they always make me smile remembering the episodes my daughters and I obsess on by watching over and over. Again, I think of the kids who are marginalized for being different and I hope things aren't like that for them, but realistically I know they will experience feeling different.

And U2's Joshua Tree album is one of my all time favorites and I never get tired of hearing the songs from there. Years ago my husband and I visited Joshua Tree National Park outside of Palm Springs - yes Bono and I have SO much in common. I absolutely love KD Lang's version of Hallelujah and I always sing along to my favorite Blue Rodeo songs. Well perhaps huffing and puffing along with the songs.

Music can have a huge impact on my emotions and I have to remember to use it's powers for good and not evil. Listening to serenity type music while I'm writing or working on something that requires focus and concentration seems to make the job easier. But the only way housework gets done is if the music is upbeat and loud.

It really is a great way to escape whatever is happening even if it only is distracting me for a short while. But it helps change my focus and hopefully moves me along to where I should be.

Ever since my first daughter came home at the age of 5 days old, I've sang to her. I cannot carry a tune, so I always thought her first words would be "Mommy don't sing." Instead she has embraced the power of music and although I can't claim the credit for her genetic ability to sing and dance she still belts out the songs (minus the swears) whenver she feels like it.

When my second daughter came home at the age of 3 I was shocked and saddened that she didn't know any songs. Nothing. Not even twinkle twinkle little star or any of the other little kid songs. No one had ever sang to her. It took her until she was about 9 years old to actually voluntarily listen to music, and rarely will she ever sing out loud. The power to soothe with lullabyes was denied her. There ought to be a law against that.

So I have decided that on my planet, every child will be sang to as soon as they are born and it will be required of every parent and caregiver to sing to their kids. No matter how out of tune you may be.

2010 FASD Retreat - Naramata

Hey - I just found my photos of our FASD retreat in Naramata, so here's a few of them and a bit about our day there. Stay tuned for our update on 2011 dates.

Nov. 6th was a day of indulgences for moms, dads, grandparents and other caregivers of children and youth affected by FASD. Naramata Heritage Inn and Spa was the location for the day that focused only on the caregivers.

The lives of parents with children with FASD are consumed with medical appointments, assessments, school team meetings, IEPs and the need to constantly supervise their children, which leaves virtually no time for taking care of themselves. Without adequate support, parents face burnout and hopelessness.


Our retreat provided the opportunity for parents and caregivers to take some time for themselves; to build connections and practice self care. From spa treatments to workshops on journaling for your life; from art therapy to creating their own altered journals and card making; from yoga to guided walks along the lakeshore; participants were encouraged to focus on themselves and put aside their everyday worries for some well deserved “me time”.


Chef Thomas provided an delicious array of food that began with fresh from the oven croissants, and a delicious luncheon of gourmet sandwiches, soup and salads. And of course no retreat would be complete without crème brule and chocolate torte for dessert!


A huge thank you to the Naramata Heritage Inn and Spa for their donation of the facility and Aveda room amenities for our gift bags for all the participants. Another big thank you to the Victoria Foundation for helping fund this program, and of course the support of the FASD Key Worker program via Penticton and District Community Resources Society.

Here are a few of the comments from some of the participants:

“The Creator tells us that there is Heaven on earth, and today I experienced it.”
“A beautiful venue, the ambiance set the stage for a successful day.”
“Every bit of it was extraordinarily wonderful. I have a lot to take home and use, and I will go home a more energized, happy BALANCED person!!”

The party's finally over...

...my husband's "significant number" birthday party weekend that is. And not a moment too soon. I'm all socialized out.

I rented a huge condo up at the ski hill for us starting on Friday night. Family and friends either stayed overnight in their own accomodation (I'm not crazy enough to torture anyone else to stay with us...) or they came up for the event and drove home with a designated driver afterwards. And for those who chose not to come up the hill such as two of my husband's sisters and a brother-in-law, we did a family dinner Sunday at our house. (Here's my kids enjoying the hot tub at the condo.)


There were plenty of people and kids of all ages including my almost two and five year old granddaughters, my parents, my siblings and spouses, friends...I've lost count of the number. Tons of food, beverages, gifts, laughter and of course no family get together would be complete without the drama that children bring. (Let's not get into the adult child drama...)

Although there was lots of laughter, there were also some tough parenting moments. Too much stimulation, different beds, different routine, different food, unknown people...put this all together and for one of my kids it spells a-n-x-i-e-t-y. Big time. And her only coping skill is to regress into a much younger age. Not much surprises us anymore with her, and we know it's only a matter of time before she retreats to a much younger age when she's stressed. But if we never did anything, or went anywhere so she wouldn't have to be anxious, then the rest of us would miss out on so much fun.

There is a tipping point in every activity, every event. And if we watch for the triggers and are prepared for anything, usually we can weather the storm. Usually, not always. Sometimes we have to pack up and go home (or the hospital emergency room), but not often.

Life's too short to stay at home all the time.

As I write this...

I'm sitting in the Vancouver airport at 9:10 pm waiting for my flight to Penticton that doesn't leave until 10:15 pm. Yes, I'm usually heading to bed by then, or at least to the pantry for some energy to stay awake and watch a tv show without the benefit of anyone's opinion on how fake it is, or commenting on how dumb the plot is, or how no one would do that in real life. But tonight I sit at YVR people watching and waiting to head home from an extremely busy two days at our AFABC offices in Burnaby.

Ok, so yes there was fun involved - it wasn't all hard work, but it was also a very rewarding trip. The reason for this trip to HQ was to join in on the planning for our newly renewed contract from MCFD to provide adoption support to families in BC. I have counterparts in Vancouver/Coastal, Fraser, Central & North Vancouver Island, and the North regions. The two staff members from the North were not able to join us in person - they unfortunately had to suffer the dreaded conference call participation, but we only tortured them for 60 minutes.

The rest of us spent the day sequestered like a hung jury in the downstairs meeting room surrounded by flip charts, a white board, and countless coloured markers that never lasted more than a page before fading out. Although this too may seem like torture it was an incredibly empowering and productive day.

For the first time since the inception of the regional support coordinator program, we have the opportunity to help re-write and craft how we deliver support throughout our regions. It was an opportunity to look at where we started "back in the day" and see how far we've come. Myself and Jen Hillman, the Fraser region adoption support coordinator are the only two regional staff who have been here since the program began. We laughed about how we never had a computer network to connect to; we used our own home computers, everything was paper, no social media opportunities, to name just a few of the old style way we used to do things.

Back then we couldn't imagine how technology would change everything we do. And now we're trying to imagine where we will be in 3 years, or even 5 years from now. We had the opportunity to dream, imagine,create and brainstorm ideas about what we want/need to do. Always with the focus that we will never, ever give up on supporting families in any way and in every way we can. And that support includes using social media, technology, face to face support, phone support, live chat, family social events, retreats and family camps. What ever our families want in our communities we will try and find some way to deliver it to them.

So as I head to the gate to board my flight home, think about what you would like to see in your communities and send me an email, or leave a comment.

"The China Shift"

CBC Radio has an interesting podcast available titled "The China Shift". Lots of great information and discussion. Here's the links to listen on line...http://www.cbc.ca/thecurrent/episode/2011/01/19/chinas-demographic-changes/

Pt 1: China's One Child Policy - The country's ambitious one-child policy is three decades old. And as the first generation born under this rule comes of age some Chinese demographers say its time to re-think this massive social experiment. The one-child model has effectively slowed China's population growth, but now experts say the country is heading towards a baby bust. China's working population is forecasted to start declining by 2015 and officials worry about a generation of coddled children having to support a rapidly aging population. http://www.cbc.ca/video/news/audioplayer.html?clipid=1752003737


Pt 2: China's Gender Gap - Every year, there are significantly more boys born in China than girls. And according to some demographers, that could have serious consequences for social cohesion. http://www.cbc.ca/video/news/audioplayer.html?clipid=1752003736


Pt 3: China's Annual Migration - We are two weeks away from the Chinese New Year and the largest annual human migration on the planet. Nearly 1.5 million Chinese have migrated to cities in search of work. And the trip home for the holidays isn't going to be easy. http://www.cbc.ca/video/news/audioplayer.html?clipid=1752003735

Planning for November

What?? November? That's crazy talk! We haven't even hit halfway through winter and already you're talking about next fall?!?!

Yes, actually I am. Believe it or not, alot of planning goes into the events we host for Adoption Awareness Month in November. And for me, that planning starts at the beginning of the year. Why? Because this is a slower time, but mostly because I've had time off over Christmas and have recovered from the craziness of the previous AAM events, and I have this wacky idea that the next AAM events won't be so crazy.

Am I crazy to think this? Probably. Because at this time of year, it all seems do-able. The Interior Region is fortunate that we have an extremely supportive MCFD management team who are always open to creative ideas on new and exciting (?) ways to bring workshops, adoption cafes, new programs, etc. to families throughout the region. Not just Kelowna (the centre of the Interior universe), but to as many varied communities as possible. And when MCFD somehow finds some funds left over in their budget, they usually try to spend it on something to benefit the families. It may be resources, a workshop, an innovative pilot project; all of course depending on the amount of funds.

Last year we hosted the Adoption Cafes in Nelson, Kamloops and Kelowna and they were very well received. I'm still thinking of new and creative ideas that would be of benefit to families, so if you have any suggestions please let me know.

This morning I'm off to a meeting with the FASD Key Workers in Penticton to plan for our second annual retreat for parents and caregivers of children and youth with FASD. We had so much fun at the one day session that we'd like to add an overnight accomodation piece to the event.

There are plans in the works for an "Adoptive Moms Away" retreat in Vernon in May, a family camp in the Kootenays in August for a week, a family camp in August in Vernon, and I'd also like to try a retreat for adoptive moms/dads/caregivers in Williams Lake or 100 Mile.

Is there something you would like to see in your community? Send me your ideas, no matter how wacky they seem....because hey, you never know.